Lovely || Demi Lovato

Hate Me

| • Chapter 21 - Hate Me • |

Hello Welcome Home

A M E L I A

Ever since the life changing confession, things have changed.

Maddie isn't mad at me anymore but she doesn't seem as comfortable as she used to.

Dallas just tries to avoid me, at least that's what it feels like.

Demi's always out and about but who am I to stop her?

It's just been colder, for me anyway.

I just don't know where I stand anymore.

Dad keeps sending me empty threats on iMessage whilst Dianna treats me like I'm her one and only daughter.

It's all so weird and new.

I'm used to being sad and unwanted, not loved.

It was just my dad and I but now it's my mum, my sisters and I.

Just imagine believing your whole life your mother was dead because of you.

Imagine blaming yourself every second of the day for taking away such a precious life.

Only to one day find out she's better than ever, with a whole new family of her own, probably better off without me.

Just thinking about all that gets me so worked up and overwhelmed but I can't stop.

This is my life now and I can't get my head around it.

I closed my eyes tightly as a searing pain shut up my throat.

Overwhelmed by the sudden turn on my life, I had finally hit my mental breakdown.

I couldn't handle this.

My life can't just flip around completely 180, and then have practicality expect that I'm just going to be fine and go on like all is well.

I squeezed my eyes shut, having only ever had an attack this bad once, and Demi had been on the other line consoling me to the point of reachable sanity.

My hand flailed on the bedspread, purple and grey covers making an appearance in the air for as much as I cold tell.

My eyes were squeezed shut as the light now hurt my eyes.

Fuck.

My phones downstairs.

Scrambling out of bed, the cold floor in contrast to my burning hot feet were enough to send pins and needles down my arm.

I hated being touched when I'm having an attack.

I hated cold when I was having an attack.

The only person whose ever held me was Demi. And she's not here.

"Dal, is that you?" I heard a voice yell, but my mind was too far gone to process that the voice didn't belong to either Madison or Dallas.

"What? Oh—what are you doing, Amelia? Open your eyes before you bump into something!" Dallas exclaimed, almost sounding annoyed as her familiar voice rang through my ears and pushed me father away from reality.

She hates me.

She hates that I'm here.

She hates that I'm ruining her parents relationship.

I did as said however, the light hurting my eyes that I closed tightly again just after opening them.

"Phone." I whimpered, looking down.

"What?" She asked, softer then she had initially spoken to me.

"C-Can I borrow y-your phone?" I stuttered as I finally peeled my eyes open enough to cast my gaze towards Dallas' changing blue eye.

Her once bubbly outer-tone, had been dialed down to calmness as she wasn't at all herself with me.

I saw that.

She can be joking with Madison, and the second she sees me it's like I'm some criminal.

"My phones dead. What's wrong?" She pondered, stepping closer to me. I whimpered stepping away, not wanting her to lash out at me like Amber would.

"I want D-Demi. P-Please?" My eyes filled with tears all over again, and soon, adding to the tightness in my chest, I was crying.

"Demi's out of town, baby girl. Hey, it's okay. We just need you to calm down, yeah?" Dallas was talking to me as if I were a child, but her warm arms around her that didn't let go of me made me calm slightly. The initial burn of her skin against mine had worsened my panic, but the calming smoothness of her skin on mine was now undoing those effects.

"D-Demi." I sobbed again into Dallas, whose hand went to the back of the head and held me tightly in her arms.

"Wanna tell me what happened?" She asked softly pulling away from me, completely ignoring my pleading request for my big sister.

"N-No." I whimpered, shaking my head. Dallas frowned and bit her lip.

"I know I haven't been the nicest to you, Amelia, and I'm really sorry about that. But, seeing you come down here so worked up really hurt me. Will you please tell me so maybe I can fix it? Is it your Dad?" She asked softly brushing my hair behind my ears.

I nodded my head, but then shook it.

"If he's threatening you again, Mia, it's okay to tell me. I promise I'm not going to get you in trouble." She whispered faintly pulling me into a hug again.

"He told me she was dead." I sobbed loudly now, clutching Dallas' shirt tightly in my fist, finally allowing her comfort.

Dallas' body relaxed as I did so, and a warm tear of her own landed on my shoulder blade that was bare she to the style of shirt I'm wearing.

"Baby." She breathed softly.

"I don't know how to do this. Nobody ever wanted me before." I cried, and Dallas' face crumbled.

"I want you. Mommy wants you, Maddie and Demi and Eddie want you. Okay? You don't have to worry about him anymore." Dallas promised but I couldn't help but disagree as it was clearly she and Eddie weren't don't of my presence.

"Y-You're mad at me t-though." I sniffled.

Dallas forced her eyes closed slowly sinking to the floor and brining me with her. She sat me on her lap, so I was face to face with her.

"When Eddie came into my life, I was really scared to let anybody else in. I didn't want to get hurt, but then he started to break my walls down. It's not you, I'm not mad at you, I'm mad at myself Amelia. I'm mad for being scared that you're gonna take him from me. We all have our own baggage, Mia. Sometimes it's just a matter on how we pack." Dallas said softly.

Dallas was warm against me, and the exhaustion that crashed over me didn't help.

My head laid limp against her shoulder.

And the world around me faded.

Dallas didn't actually hate me.

That's enough closure I need for now.

•••
If you couldn't tell by now the lyrics are the top are so random it's not even funny. Ahhh my mental state is so fucked up right now it's not even funny, legit I wanna have a convo and the second I start one I'm overthinking everything and oof and it's just not good so love that😂

- Kyr