Lovely || Demi Lovato

Closer to Death

| • Chapter 6- Closer to Death • |

But you never go away
so I guess I gotta stay now.

A M E L I A

My heart hammers in my chest so loudly I begin to count the beats as though I'm making my own melody.

Bum-bum. Bum-bum. Bum-bum.

Seven loud sets of two pulse through my body. My head feels as though I'm going through an aneurysm, but I'm not. I'm going through defeat.

What do I do?

What the actual fuck do I do?

"Yo, jackass!" Destiny smacks my already pounding head causing a girl in front of us to turn around looking anything but amused.

She doesn't say anything.

Nobody ever says anything.

"Sorry." I muttered, not sorry at all.

I wish they would just leave, go before me and spare me the embarrassment and humiliation. I'm already going to ruin myself tonight, I don't need them adding to my mortification.

"Yeah, whatever." Jace grumbled.

The girl turned around pulling at my arm, I gasped, reminding me how I so helplessly wanted to slash my porcelain arms just minutes before the limo arrived, but thankfully, I didn't.

I might be stupid, but I'm not dumb enough to act so idiotically.

You never cut your arms.

Not until you've reached the end.

Well, that's my case.

I couldn't afford for my father- who the hell am I kidding?- I couldn't afford for my teachers to notice the lines of pain on my wrists.

That'd just make problems for them, having to report me to the office then most likely social services, therapy, it'd just be a another problem caused by me.

Nobody understands the level of hurt I'm going through.

Not unless they've already gone through it themselves.

"Hey, sweetheart, you need to breath." She spoke to me softly, seeing the panics edge in my eyes.

"-Can't."

"Don't start this shit now, bozo!" Amber exclaimed as she goes to hit me again.

The girl whose grip is actually deadly on my arm, glares at her, and pulls me away.

"Where is it?" She whispered quietly in my ear.

"Huh?" I chocked on my words.

"You winced when I grabbed your arm, where is the blade? I've got you, but please, don't do this to yourself." She pleaded gently, pulling up her own sleeve to show hundreds of white marks.

"My shoe."

"Oh my god! I love you shoes! Hey, let me see what brand!" She gasped loudly making a few other people around us chuckle at the interaction.

For the first time tonight my smile was genuine.

I took my shoe off and handed it to her, feeling naked as she grabbed the blade quickly before handing it back.

"Thank you." I whispered softly.

"It's what us Lovatics do for each other. You don't want to do this to yourself, I can see it in your eyes. Please, whatever is making you feel like you have to, it's wrong. You don't. Remember that." She smiled before turning back away as I slipped my shoe on.

•••

"Next!"

Amber grabbed Destiny's arms and squealed. Bouncing up and down as her and Jace raced inside leaving me to walk slowly.

Meeting my literal Idol was supposed to be fun, yet now I dread it and everything they are going to make up.

Demi looked timid next to the bubbly teenagers, and I instantly felt her pain as I stood off to the side with my head hanging low, hands trembling.

I want to die.

"Hey." I heard a soft voice, making me look up to see her before me, completely ignoring my friends who looked at the two of us in complete disgust.

"Hi." I shakily exclaimed, my hands trembling with nerves as I wanted to burst out into tears.

"How are you doing, birthday girl?"

My eyes widened as I looked at her. She giggled brushing her thumbs along the reddening apples of my cheeks.

"Your father told us about you, Amelia Peterson. And well, you are a beauty." She smiled and kissed my cheek before standing to her full height.

Yes. I'm that short.

"I love you Demi!" Amber exclaims, and I almost chocked when she showed Demi her shirt that very clearly had the wrong Demi displayed on the front.

"That isn't her." I whispered.

Amber's face flushed before she shrugged, making it a point to grab at her sleeves to raise Demi's concerns for her.

I wanted to punch her.

"So, Amelia, what pose will it be?"

"Don't ask her! She's so boring!" Jace exclaimed. I sighed looking down.

None of them even knew today was my birthday, I really shouldn't have expected them to be nice to me.

"I want to ask her." Demi persisted.

"Please, I don't care." I said looking at Destiny.

"Well, I think that we should hug." She smiled cheekily at me, wrapping her arms around my frame and kissing my forehead.

"Um, what about us?"

"You can pick a pose around us." Demi snapped. I flinched into her instinctively making her frown. "Hey, I heard that they weren't exactly nice to you outside." She whispered in my ear.

I shrugged before holding onto her, making Demi smile widely.

"You're so fucking cute!"

I blushed and covered my face with my hands, making Demi laugh.

"I'll see you... backstage before the show right?" She asked. I nodded.

"Yeah."

"Well, don't let them ruin your night birthday girl!"

"It's your birthday?" Jace exclaimed.

I sighed.

Oh how I wish I could just leave this all behind.

Be lonely in my own fucking mind.

No matter how painful that may be, it'd be better than having to spend time with them.

•••
Sooo... we didn't forget to update today!!! We try to update every Wednesday but it's obviously not working 😂.

What do you guys think of Amelia?