Lovely || Demi Lovato

I'm Sorry

| • Chapter 14 - I'm Sorry • |

Tear me to pieces,
Skin and bone

A M E L I A

We were all currently sat around the TV, watching Eddie's never ending sports game.

Many groans, moans and squeal erupted during the game, swears and yells, asking why someone was so stupid.

Everyone seemed to enjoy their time, apart from Dianna and I.

I had a great day but her reaction towards me has me worried.

She seems so in her head, keeping her distance from me.

It just brought all my insecurities up to the surface.

"Hey, what's up?" Demi murmurs in my ear as my head lays against her chest, rising and falling beneath me.

"Nothing, I'm alright." I whisper back, sitting up and leaning against the couch making her shuffle closer.

"No, you aren't." She states, looking into may eyes as I focus on the tv. "Stop." She takes ahold of my hand that I now just realised I was picking at yet again.

"Sorry." I mumble, scared of the tone she was using.

"Come with me." She gets up but doesn't let go of my hand, making me follow her.

And yet again, I've done something wrong.

I couldn't help looking back at an upset Dianna who's eyes followed my every move, making me scurry to Demi.

"What's going on, pretty girl?" Demi asks as she pulls me into her embrace on her bed.

"Nothing, I promise." I reassure.

"Don't lie to me, Amelia. You were so out of it, every time I tried getting your attention, you completely ignored me." She claims, turning me around so I was facing her.

"But when am I not?" I chuckle humourlessly.

"Amelia." She warn unamused.

"Oh my God Demi, nothing's wrong! You just want there to be something wrong so you can be the hero yet again and help me but I'm fine! I'm perfectly fucking fine!" I snap, getting off of her lap and running to the closest bathroom.

Oh God.

What the fuck is wrong with me?

No wonder I'm always alone.

Why would anyone want to even be around someone like me, let alone related.

Maybe my mom's happy she's not here so she doesn't have to be embarrassed for me.

Maybe she's mad because she lost her life for someone like me.

I let out a scream as I tag at my hair, repetitively hitting my head with my boney fists.

*TRIGGERING*

I pull my phone out and take my black phone case off, revealing the tiny piece of sharp metal, shining with the reflection of the bathroom light.

Hesitantly, I grip onto the blade, holding it as tightly as possible.

"Open the door Amelia." Demi gently coos from the other side of the door.

I squeeze my eyes shut and roll my leggings down a little, revealing my hip full of red/ purple lines.

"Shit." I whisper, rolling my leggings down even more to leave my bare thighs.

I press the blade against my clean thigh, letting it rest for a couple of seconds, my mind debating on my next move.

Sniffling, I quickly swipe the edge of the blade across my thigh, mesmerised by the immediate blood that seeped through the cut open skin.

I press down harder before sliding it across slower, feeling the pain at its peak.

I quietly wince as the blade meets my previous cut, my hand instantly jerking away yet I longed to feel that pain again.

So I did it over and over again until I felt emotionally drained from crying harder with each passing second.

My eyes slide shut as I also felt physically exhausted, considering it's kind of late.

"Amelia, please come out." Demi pleads making me realise her voice totally drowned out before.

It's as if I was hypnotised.

Nothing could've stopped me.

I get up and get tons of toilet paper, pressing it against my thigh for a while.

The bleeding wouldn't stop so I looked around and notices a little tube of vaseline.

I banged my toe against the corner of a cupboard, yelping in pain.

"'Melia?" Demi asked alerted. "Please open the sweetheart." She begs.

"H-hold on." I stutter, standing still like a statue.

"Are you okay? Let me help you." She suggests.

"N-no, it's okay. I'll be out in the minute." I reassure as tears flow down my face. "I'm okay."

"Alright, I'll wait in my room." I hear her footsteps fade away, making me sigh in relief.

I put some vaseline on my finishers before spreading across my deeps cuts, wincing, biting down on my fingers from my other hand to focus on another pain.

"Ow fuck." I hiss as the stinging increases.

I began to breath heavily in hopes of decreasing the lump in my throat but a loud sob escaped my lips.

"I'm sorry." I whisper as if I bothered anyone.

Suck it up.

I stick a piece of tissue onto my cuts before carefully slipping my leggings back up.

Okay, I'm okay.

My face feels stiff due to the dry tears so I wash my face and notice my puffy eyes as I look in a mirror.

It's so obvious I've been crying.

Knowing Demi, she'll ask me until I break and tell her everything.

But there's nothing to say apart from;

I'm sorry.

•••
Sooo, I'm back.

Do you think Demi's going to realize soon enough? Or realize at all? Who do you think is going to be the first one to notice, and how?

- Kyr