Lovely || Demi Lovato

Lovely

| • Chapter 23 - Lovely • |

A M E L I A

I've always thought I lived my life in darkness.

Wether it be due to the selective attention, or half-hearted pep talks, I've always associated my lack of guidance as darkness.

The days where I couldn't even remember what if felt like to laugh, I've claimed that they were my darkness moments.

But now, as I lay, fully able to hear the steady beeps of what I can only imagine to be a heart monitor, I realize that this is darkness, It is the ability to live, but not to experience.

All those days in school I felt invisible, they compare slightly to the feeling of complete uselessness as for hours I've laid back flat, arms locked, and head propped up.

My body aches all over, but for once the feeling is the same as everything I've ever known.

It's the tired clench that my muscles radiate, it's the palpitations of my heart as it try's to rush blood to places in my body being lacked of it. It's the hurt of which always comes after an anxiety attack.

Panic fills me, but again I don't move.

I don't want to move.

That's what I've come to realize.

This darkness is willing, I know that when I open my eyes I will see him. And I don't wish too.

I can feel him breathing on my hand as he clenches in tightly like he did when I was younger. But I can also feel the prick of metal as it enters my arm.

"What happened here?"

My father's breathing on my hand shallowed and a audible gulp is heard, followed by a chuckle.

"I might have gripped her too tight when she fainted."

His voice was sly, and irking as he tried to cover for himself. But the nurse whose voice was strong and worn was heard just seconds later as she didn't believe him in the slightest.

"Sir, you're drunk. I can smell the alcohol on you, and I'm only going to ask once more before I phone the police for both child endangerment and drunk driving. What happened?" Curtly she asked.

"She wasn't listening, and refused to leave. I pulled her out of the house."

"She fainted due to loss of oxygen, you're actions caused this. You never forcefully grab a child who has severe anxiety issues, that's detrimental to their health, especially when their as malnourished as Amelia is."

"What? How is this my fault?!"

"If you raise your voice again, I'm going to have to ask you to leave."

"No! It's that damn bitch's fault, it's her fault she's crazy!" I can feel him pointing at me, calling me crazy again as if I didn't already know that I'm fucked up.

"Security!"

"No need, I'm leaving." He snapped, and as I felt him leave, the darkness around my left.

"M-Momma." I pleaded brokenly to the women who stood above me, hands softly laying on my chest to refrain me from moving up.

"I've phoned your mother, but honey, I think we should talk about a couple things."

——-

After the nurse left, I felt empty.

Never had I spilled so easily to a stranger, but having realized what true love is, being with my father didn't seem worth lying about anymore.

I already craved the warmth I got just by gazing at Madison and Demi, Dallas too even.

I missed the excitement that rushed through me when Eddie and Dianna declared how proud they were of me, or how strong I felt when Demi would speak about the streak I've created.

I've accomplished so many things, yet in so little time.

I've given in to their help, but also have held back, and now that the help wasn't here I miss it, I need it. Because without it, I'm just drifting father and father away from sanity and happiness.

I've lived my entire life without them.

Without knowing of them.

But now that I've met them, I don't know how to go back to what my life was when darkness seemed metaphorical and depression just a joke of my daily life.

I don't know how to come when self-harm used to be my escape until they showed up and showed me a better way.

I don't know how to do life if they aren't by my side.

I'm alone again.

It's just me and myself.

This time I realize, that I might need some help.

Isn't it lovely all alone?

•••
Well, actually this was written so long ago I honestly don't remember who wrote it😂 sooo I honestly don't remember this chapter at all so—although I think I wrote the end because it's rhymes and I have a think with poetic statements

Last chapter coming up in like an hour if that. What do you think is gonna happen?

- Kyr