I Didn't Mean To Make You Mine (boyxboy)

Chapter 30

Reasons can change depends on our situations...

Did I posted incomplete chapter yesterday??? Why nobody told me😂😂😂

Kit almost fall because of his weaken knees. The sight of Mingkwan, the ever lively Mingkwan. The full of life, the one who never stayed still. Is now lying unconscious. Tubes are connected on different part of his body. A machine is supplying him oxygen in order for him to breath. The monitor of his heart quietly beeps sorrounding the ICU with the assuring sounds that Ming is breathing. That his heart is beating.

Ming's face is flattered with bruises, the left side of his face is black and blue. Kit slowly walked beside the bed. Like he is afraid to make a sound. Like he will jolted him awake. But kit want those eyes open.

Kit sat on his knees beside Ming, carefully retrieving the free hand from wires. Kit choked on silent tears as he saw the swollen fingers with deep wounds.

Hey, why are lying there? I waited for you...you said..you said you are coming, why you didn't arrived? Who allowed you to decide that you can stay here....you can't do that! Are you running away? Why? I'm here, I will listen, you don't have to bottle it al up, when you are mad I will listen, when you want to cry I will offer you my shoulders....because.. Because seeing you there lying like you are not breathing is not setting well with me.

Kit gripped his chest like he is suffocating. Like the airs from his lungs are being sucked out.

He pressed on it harder, sending silent prayer up there to give Mingkwan one more chance. That he is not done on earth yet.

Please open your eyes, let's date ..let's walked under the stars..go picnic, go to street stalls, play on arcades, be silly. You wanted to try those right? Be young and carefree for once?

The nurse asked Kit that his time is up. Kit get out the room heaving his breath. The only people outside now is Ming's parents and Beam. The Jamornhums and Phana is nowhere to be found.

Kit ignored the old couple walking straight to Beam's arm who voluntarily offered a hug.
Beam gently wipe the tears that are falling from Kit's eyes. He didn't realized he is crying.
Maybe that is the reason why his chest felt tight. Like he is forcing himself to stopped the sobbed.

He can't show Ming he is crying. He have to show a braved face, to tell him he is okay. That he is waiting.

Eadric thought its better to send his wife inside instead. Maybe it will help her.

Miya have depression. Depression that should be healed by now if Eadric forced him to meet a psychologist. But he love her so much. He can't afford to see her being treated like a mental patient. But he know he is wrong. Miliya's depression that happened because of Fane's death caused her to think its Mingkwan's fault. It is unfair. It is not right. But he thought she will be fine after a while.

After their eldest child death, Eadric is devastated. He worked till he is tired. No more thinking, no more mourning. He did that for awhile then when he realized it, his wife became someone else. She became pissy, short tempered  and mad at small things. He thought that's normal, She'll go back as his wife and mother to Mingkwan. So he keep on working but then he caught Miliya hurting Mingkwan physically. He thought his hand is tied, he wanted her to meet a psychiatrist but his heart broke when she cried. Cried that he is not crazy but just sad. Eadric gave her everything. Whatever she wants, whatever he need..even at their son's expense.

He looked at the ceiling tiredly. He didn't mean to. Mingkwan is the only one they've got. Their pride...
He never blamed him, not even once but  he never paid attention on him either. He poured all his attention to his wife that he thought needed it more.

When the child stop giving a damn about them, then that's better. That's the time he started drifting away from them.
When his wife decided to made him study abroad he thought that's a good thing, because he will be away from his mother. Maybe that way, when Miliya don't see Mingkwan everyday Shell be better but he is wrong.

When was the last time Mingkwan called them mom and dad?  Its like they became an obligations to him. And that's painful. Will he be able to see a son of him fighting for his life?

Eadric remembered the nightmare while he's running against time for Fane's life. It is terrifying. Now its happening all over again.

Fane, I'm so sorry..I'm so sorry..

Miliya like walking on nails, walked cautiously. Her head is like an endless void.
Like she don't have any idea that her son is dying.
She stopped beside the hospital bed. The smell of medicines and cleaning agents are permitting in the air, filling her lungs.
She stared at the battered face, the handsome face that got stained by ugly colors and life support.

Like a memory, a flashback of little Ming played inside her head. Little Ming asking mommy to read him a story. Little Ming asking for cookies. Little Ming wanting to be carried because he think his feet will get dirty. Little Ming hiding naughtily. Little Ming forcing himself to in between his parents. Little Ming who asking for goodnight kiss.

Miliya raised her hand into her cheeks. The salty tears silently streaking down her cheeks. Like a silent stream going down the flow without objections. She raised her hand that is wet with her own tears.

A sobbed escaped the thin lips. Miliya covered her mouth with both hands. She slowly dropped on the floor like a candle against its own fire. All the motherly emotions opened up like a locked vault, pouring all at once making Miliya breath harshly. The memories of Mingkwan crying because she didn't let him go out. Mingkwan asking to go with his cousin. Mingkwan asking her what's wrong. Then the Mingkwan who slowly change to someone cold and detached.

Miliya sunk into her slump knees. Shaking in anguish. She's disgusting. How can she used her own agony to punished her innocent son.

Holding into the side of Ming's bed, Miliya slowly raised herself. She have no right to be her. She have no right to cry as he watched her battered son's chest having a hard time raised and fall. Like even breathing is a hard thing to do.

What have she done?

What kind of mother is she?

Miliya's shaking hand that wanting to touch the bruised face of her son stop with just the tip reach the cold skin.

The guilt that eating her away is more than that when Fane passed away. For the second time, she was not there when her child need her so bad. She's not there to make them feel safe. She's not there to kiss them better.

She's not there....