Complicated Love

Exploration

"This is amazing."

I lean into Brad, taking in the view surrounding us.  We're on a boat going through all the ice caves. It's freezing, and I can hardly feel my toes, but the sights are more than worth it.

"I know," He exhales, looking at the remains of his breath "It would be kinda cool to be on a beach, watching you prance around in a bikini though. I could live with being able to feel my toes."

"And it's good you're already pregnant because I think my balls have officially frozen off." He quickly adds.

He loves where we are, and has wanted to vacation here forever, so it's funny hearing his fake complaining and trying to take him seriously.

The boat goes over a huge sheet of ice, making a huge crunching noise. The whole thing shakes as all of us fall into each other not expecting the commotion.

"I should have thought this through better," I lean against Brad while holding onto the rail to keep my balance "I'm sick enough not being on a moving, shaking boat."

"Just warn me next time you think you're going to throw up.  That was disgusting last time."

"You should probably get used to that."

The tour guide let's us know that we are about to enter a cave, and we quickly get quiet to take in everything.  Everyone looks around us in amazement at our surroundings.  It's absolutely incredible how something so dangerous can be so beautiful and indescribable.

Brad pulls me to the edge, asking someone to take our picture in front of the most beautiful spot.  He wraps his arms around me, resting them with mine on my midsection.

"What do you think happens if I touch that?" He asks, leaning over the edge "Will my hand freeze off?"

"I think you should try it.  It would make a great tabloid story." I watch closely as he tries to reach it "I wonder if it's as cold as the Titanic water."

"Let's see."

He reaches out further, but the boat starts to move just as he's about to reach it.

"Well there goes my dream.  That wasn't nice."

"I think you'll get over it."

We get off the boat at the next stop, walking to the closest restaurant.  They seat us immediately at a table overlooking a glacier.

"I guess you did pick a good place." He admits, looking over me at the background "Even if I act like I don't like it, I really do.  This whole vacation has been one of the best ever."

"Really?"

I know it's been fun, and we've been able to see and do many more things in private than we're used to, but it doesn't seem all that special to me.  Except for telling him about the baby, which was probably one of the best days of my life, the rest hasn't been anything too special.

"Brad, do you think we can handle this?  Like can our relationship handle a baby?"

"Honestly, I'm not sure.  I wish I could say I know it'll work out perfectly, but we obviously aren't in the best place right now."

"Can you just promise me something?"

My heart breaks just thinking about the possibility of being with anyone other than Brad, but I know this needs said.

"That we'll always fight for us, for our relationship.  I grew up in a broken family.  I can't do that to my child."

"Do you remember that story you told me about a play you were in?  About how you spent all day worrying about your parents having to sit together for hours?"  Brad asks, confusing the hell out of me "Well as you were telling me that, I made a decision. A decision to stand by and support you in everything, to love you and fight for us. And most importantly, to make sure that we would continue to date after marriage so our children would never have to worry about that like you did."

Listening to him, and how supportive he is brings me to tears.  I know deep down that everything he says is true, and that I feel the same way, but it's hard to see past all the ugliness that I was faced with growing up.

I wipe away my tears, trying to form a sentence.

"One more thing..."

"Please don't tell me it's twins."

"Better not be."

"Okay, then tell me."

He looks relieved as I think of what I'm about to say.

"I don't want the paparazzi or media having control over this baby.  They have enough control over us, and it just wouldn't be fair.  I want us to pick when and what gets revealed."

"I agree." He says quickly "I don't think they should have any information, but obviously that would be hard, so we'll just have to limit it."

We enjoy a nice dinner of fresh local food before going back to our hotel for the night.

"Hey, don't get undressed." Brad walks in the bathroom "We're sleeping somewhere different tonight."

I put my original top back on, looking confused.

"You're not the only one full of surprises this vacation.  Grab your pajamas and anything you need for the night.  We're doing something exciting."

I pack a small bag with what he suggested and meet him in the bedroom where he's waiting.

"Can you tell me what we're doing now?" I ask after it feels like we've been walking forever "We're in the middle of nowhere."

"Just wait and see.  It'll be worth it."

He leads me into a small camping area filled with tents.  I look around until something flashes and I immediately know why we're here.

"Oh my God." I stare up at the sky in awe "Brad, this is amazing."

"You've always said you wanted to see the northern lights." He opens our tent, pushing me in "There's a hot tub in the corner to see them better.  Change into this."

We change into our bathing suits and walk out to find a secluded hot spring with an even better view of the lights.

"This is so amazing.  Thank you." I sit against the edge, turning towards Brad for a kiss.

"Thank you for the best vacation ever."