Complicated Love

It's a...

"Come on, baby, we need to get up." I gently lift Liam from his crib, where he is surprisingly still fast asleep "We have to go see the baby."

He clings onto me as I get him ready, hardly waking up as I change and dress him.

"You're being so good day!" He smirks as I put him in his carseat before getting in the front with Brad.

The whole drive, Liam makes his little noises, playing with the little toys we have for him. Brad and I sit quietly, both excited to find out what we're having, and how the baby is doing.

"I'm gonna get you checked in. Go sit in the corner or something where nobody will see us."

I take Liam and walk over, finding a bunch of empty seats next to one that's taken by someone with luggage.

As I get closer, I recognize it.

"Oh my God."

"Surprise!" My mom practically runs up to me, arms wide open and everything as she pulls me closer "I wanted to help you out with his birthday, and get to see the baby."

She takes Liam, sitting down next to me as she admires him.

"How did you know we'd be here?"

"I might have been talking to Brad. He told me about the baby and I knew you'd be needing help."

I get called back to a room and we all pile in, me laying on the table with Brad and my mom trying to keep Liam from crawling all over now that he's awake.

"Good morning! Are you ready to see the baby?"

"We're really excited to find out what it is."

She goes over some quick questions before moving on with the ultrasound. I flinch a little from the cold gel, but immediately get emotional the second our baby shows up on the screen in front of me.

"Baby Pitt is doing great! Growing at a good rate and has plenty of fluid to be moving around. Let me just find a good spot to see the sex."

We all watch the screen intensely, trying to figure it out, but the baby refuses to sit at the right angle until we're almost ready to give up.

"...looks like another boy! Congratulations!"

Brad quickly leans over to kiss me as I'm lost in thoughts about having another boy in the family.

"You're going to have a little brother!" My mom holds Liam up in front of her, trying to get him excited "He's going to be so cute and perfect, just like you!"

"Everything looks great with both of you. I know your nausea has been bad, so I'd suggest looking into some ginger mints for now and see if they help. Otherwise just make an appointment for next month."

"Look at his little nose!" I sit up, showing Brad the up close pictures "It looks just like Liams!"

"I'm more impressed by how he has his toes in his mouth. Kids got some serious exercise skills already."

"I love how he has his thumb in his mouth at the same time. Too cute."

My mom carries Liam as we all walk out to the car, putting him in his carseat while Brad shoves all her luggage in the trunk. I dig around for some minty gum as Brad starts driving, trying to stop my nausea before it gets too bad for once.

"So how long are you staying?" I turn towards my mom as Brad runs into the store "I really appreciate the help with his party."

"I'm not sure yet. It's really going to be hard to leave, but Brad and I thought I'd stay as long as needed until you're feeling a little better."

"Really? That's great."

"Of course. I'm your mom, I'm supposed to be helpful."

Once we finally get home, Brad takes Liam for his nap so my mom and I can work on the party without any distractions.

"I think it's nice that you're keeping it a smaller party. He's never going to remember turning one anyway."

"It's mainly to save my sanity, but I'd rather have a big party next year when he can actually enjoy it more."

I pull out the scrap book I've slowly been working on, along with a bunch of pictures to add. It's almost full, but there's no way for me to not add in all of Liam's cutest moments.

"I can't believe he's going to be one already. It seems like just yesterday that he was born."

"I know, it went by way too quick. I miss my baby so much. Everyone keeps reminding me we'll have this one soon, but it's just not the same."

"You're going to love it though. The second you see the two of them bonding, it'll all be worth it."

"I just feel like this would be so much easier on me if this was a few months later. I'm glad I was able to get pregnant so easily, but the timing couldn't be worse. I just never got back to being myself again, and it's really not helping."

"I know it's not easy, but you have Brad and all of us to help you. You're allowed to take breaks or want a dag alone. Just because you're a mom doesn't mean you can't have the life you deserve. We all want you to be you. That's why we want to help."

"And I appreciate it, I really do."

"Hey, you wanna know something?" She pulls me closer, looking me in the eyes, "I think it'll make you feel better."

"When you were born, I had no idea what to do. Your brother was so much older, it was hard for me to jump back into the baby stage again. It was hard, but your dad and brother helped me through it. I had so many days where I felt like the worst mother ever, but you lived and you were happy. Just like Liam."

"Really? You struggled too?"

"Of course. It's the hardest job ever, you know that. But it's also the most rewarding. Even in all the hard times, I wouldn't have changed it for anything."

"You're right. I wouldn't change it either."