Complicated Love

Birthday

I wake up to the sweet sounds of my now one year old playing on the floor around me, unsure of where exactly I am right now.

He doesn't seem too phased by the fact that it's his first birthday, he doesn't even notice that I'm awake now and can feel him running his cars through my hair.

"Liam what are you doing?"

I lift my head off the makeshift pillow I'm laying on, looking around the room.

"Why are we in the bathroom?"

"Because at 3AM when you were violently throwing up you told me to just let you sleep here." Brad walks in, handing me a coffee and my anti nausea medicine "You don't remember?"

"I remember feeding him around 1:30, and then the vomiting later on because I ate some crackers, I just don't remember deciding to sleep here."

"Well, you were very adamant about it.  I wanted you to get back in bed but you said any movement made you more sick."

"It does.  I can't do anything this time."

We all eventually get up, making our way downstairs to where my mom is already preparing some pancakes for breakfast.  She even has a candle on Liam's pancakes.

"Look what grandma made you!" I point it out as I carry him in the kitchen "Do you know what today is?"

"Momma!  Down!"

I put him down and he runs right into my mom, putting his little hands up for her to take over holding him now that he's sick of Brad and I.  We stand there watching, both amazed that we've miraculously kept our child alive for a whole year now.

Brad wraps his arms around me, resting them on our other growing child, feeling the slight kicks that have just recently started.  It's incredible to think of the life I've grown, and the one still growing, I just wish they were easier on me. 

"So I heard you had a bad night," My mom turns towards us with some food "Are you taking the medicine they finally prescribed?"

"I am, I just don't think it's fully working yet.  All I did was eat a few crackers after feeding him because I got hungry.  I could eat anything with him and this time it's hell."

"Well you just hit four months, maybe it'll stop soon.  I didn't have any nausea after 4 months with you or your brother."

"I hope so, it's hard seeing her so sick when I can't help."

Brad helps my mom carry everything over to the table where we all sing to Liam for the first time today, trying to get him excited about his big birthday today.  

"Blow out the candle, baby!" Brad and I lean in with Liam, who only cares about sticking his hands in the syrup and them leaving prints all over the table.  I gently blow out the candle, causing him to cry because of the smoke bellowing around him.

"Well, hopefully he's better later," Brad takes Liam from my mom, helping him eat the pancakes since his hands are all sticky "We don't need another party meltdown."

"He's already had one?  Who's party?"

"My friends picnic.  Another kid had a sparkler he wanted, so we got him one that I was holding, but he accidentally blew it out... and we had a giant meltdown that ended in us leaving early."

"Aw that cute little guy couldn't cause that much trouble."

"Oh he can.  He's good at it too."

After we finish eating, I take Liam upstairs to get ready for the party while Brad and my mom finish all the cleaning and decorating.  It doesn't take long for my sickness to kick in again, giving Liam the perfect chance to make a mess in our bathroom.

"William!" I sigh between vomiting, grabbing him quickly as he reaches for my shampoo bottle again "No!  That's bad!"

He just sits in front of me, taking the bottle and squeezing it since he knows I'm way too sick to deal with this right now. 

I continue vomiting while he laughs as he stands himself up, pouring the shampoo over my head thinking he's helping, when in reality the fruity scent just makes my nausea even worse.

"Liam, stop it!" I try yelling at him, but considering I can't move my face away from the open toilet, he doesn't care at all about me being upset and thinks what he's doing is funny.

Until I hear Brad walking up.

"William!  Stop!" He walks over quickly, taking the bottle from him as he starts screaming because he's lost his fun for the day.

"Seriously, dude.  Be nice to mommy or we're all in trouble." He picks Liam up as well, giving me some relief since I know the messes are done "I'll go get him dressed... maybe you should wash your hair."

"You think?"

"Well he tried to help you with some of it."

"Just go."

I get up once I finally feel better, jumping in the shower quick before anything else happens. 

Once I'm done and finally feel somewhat decent, I go downstairs to see that everyone is here and I completely missed their arrival.

"You look cute!" Jane walks over, hugging me "I heard you had a rough morning."

"He's lucky it's his birthday or he'd be sitting in a corner somewhere."

"I brought something for you. For keeping him alive all year." She hands me a box, watching excitedly as I open it "It was originally going to be alcohol but I didn't think you'd appreciate that too much right now."

"No, but I will gladly take that when this one is one."

I open the box to reveal a beautiful necklace.

"Aw, Jane.  You didn't need to do this."

"I was given it shortly after Brad was born.  His mom wanted his wife to have it eventually, and I thought now was perfect.  I know you're stressed right now, but this will hopefully remind you that you have all of us to support you through everything."

"Thank you," I stare at it, crying "I love it.  I love you."

"I love you too, honey.  Thank you for not killing my grandson... or son."

"You're welcome."

I pull myself together, walking through to where everyone is watching Liam run around in circles with his cousins, trying to catch up to them.

He's so little, yet so full of life.  This whole year has been a blur, but it's been the best blur of my life. 

"You know, a year ago right now I was helping hold you up as he shot out of you."

Brad walks up behind me, watching Liam as well.

"And now he's a year old, acting like he owns the place."

"But I couldn't love him anymore."