Complicated Love

Adjustments

"Can you hand me that diaper?" I ask Brad as I finish feeding Liam "He needs changed if there's any hope in him falling asleep."

"Can't you just keep him on your boob?" He takes Liam from me, changing him to help "That's the only time he isn't screaming."

"No, I wish I could, but it hurts."

I watch as he changes Liam, thankful for how much of an amazing dad he has been.  He's truly been there for me through everything, and even though I'm exhausted with his help, I wouldn't be able to do this alone.

"I'm gonna walk around with him.  He seems to like that." Brad says, walking towards the patio doors "Maybe it'll calm him down."

"Okay, I'm gonna try to clean some of this mess."

I take all the dishes out to the kitchen, and start cleaning them out.  In the two weeks since we came home, life has been a huge adjustment.  We're exhausted since Liam refuses to believe in sleep, and the house is a disaster because we're too tired to do much, but we couldn't be happier at the same time. 

"He's quiet." I smile, walking over to Brad once he gets back inside "And it didn't take forever."

"He just likes me more.  He wanted me to put him to sleep." Brad lays him down in the bassinet and walks out to help me with the cleaning "So what should we do for dinner tonight?  Do you want me to order something?"

"I actually kinda want something homemade.  It's been so long and all this pizza is getting old."

"Well what do you want?  We don't have a whole lot..." he walks around opening the cabinets "I can make spaghetti."

"Let's have my parents come over.  Sherry loves to cook for us and they keep asking about Liam anyway."

"Are you sure?  I thought you wanted to do more just us."

"Brad, we're tired.  Your mom was a huge help, but she left yesterday and we need all the help we can get.  I don't feel bad for letting then make us a meal they've offered already."

I leave to call Sherry, who happily agrees to come over and cook as long as she gets to help with Liam.

"They'll be over soon." I walk back in the room to find Brad sitting on the couch holding Liam, who must have woken up "Did he miss you too much already?"

"Yeah.  He needed me."

I smile.  The sight of the two most important people in my life bonding is still incredible to me.  I can't get over how cute it is, and how much Liam loves Brad and everything about him.  As tiring as all this is, moments like this make life worth it.

Liam lays peacefully in Brad's arm, looking around the room, making the cutest little noises as Brad watches TV, taking advantage of the little break we're getting.

"I'm going to finish this cleaning so she has room to cook." I back up, watching them as long as I can, loving the sight more than anything.

As I work on the dishes, I focus on the two of them sitting content on the couch bonding.  Seeing my two favorite people, even if one has only been here for a month, makes everything so much easier.  Washing the numerous bottles, getting up 3 times a night since Brad's nipples are useless, hardly being able to shower without countless interruptions... all of it just seems okay.  Like this is what my life was meant to be, like this is why Brad and I constantly try our hardest to stay together.  Our love has changed so much over the past year, and it hasn't been easy, but I always know every fight is worth the outcome as long as I have him and Liam.  I have our family.

"Go sit with them." Sherry walks up behind me a few minutes later, taking the dishes out of my hand "You need a break.  I'll take care of this."

"I love you."

I turn around to hug her before walking into the living room where Brad and my dad are sitting with Liam laying between them.  I sit next to Brad, leaning over to see that Liam has something completely different on.

"Dad," I sigh, knowing he has to be the one behind this "What did you do?"

"His father said it was okay." He responds, turning back to the TV.  I pick up Liam, glaring at Brad as I get back down to see exactly what this hideous outfit is.

"Oh my God." I look at my baby to see that he has a shirt with my dad's face on it and the words 'best grandpa ever' under it.  They also took the very few hairs he has and spiked them up, but they're falling so it looks like he's wearing a terrible joker hat.

"You two are never alone with him again."

"I think it's cute." Brad takes Liam from me, playing with him so he laughs "See, he likes it!"

"Yeah, sure he does."

"Of course he likes it, his favorite people put it on him." My dad reaches out, taking Liam "I'm his favorite person ever."

"You are not!" Sherry quickly runs in carrying a mixing bowl "I'm his favorite!"

"Come on.  I feed him.  I easily win this argument.  I keep him alive."

"We can keep arguing over this," My dad starts talking "Or we can go eat what Sherry made before we piss her off."

"Yeah let's go." I walk out to the table seeing that she has my favourites sitting out "This looks amazing.  Thank you!"

"Are you going to start crying again?" Brad sits next to me "Like when my mom made you pasta?"

I feel myself holding back tears, answering his question.  He rolls his eyes, digging into the food.

"You're a mess.  I didn't think you could ever cry more than you used to."