Him ; Bastille

'Merica ; 33

— Couple of months later —

It feels good to be back in the states. I know it isn't my home but...seeing Kitty become a psycho American is always fun to see. Fuck knows what she's going to be like now because of the baby. The baby.

Our baby.

When we're back in America Kitty...doesn't care how she acts or how she comes across. I mean it's in her nature to do some reckless shit over here. "Good to have you back dude." Bobby puts the now empty glass down on the bar.

Over in America me and Kitty have befriended our neighbours. Everyone here knows each other — but it's nice. Not invasive as the movies made it seem. Bobby lives on the left with his family, Ryan's family to the right and Tyler and his young son in the house opposite. "Cheers for looking after the place." Bobby's wife has a spare set of keys, if Kitty trusts her then of course I trust her.

Bobby shakes his head. "No problem at all. Anyways what is it that England has and America don't? You know what I mean?" He cracks a grin as I roll my eyes. "IVF." With that Bobby cringes as I shrug. "Yeah...I mean. We tried like naturally but nothing was working. So we paid what seemed like a ridiculous amount of money for help...and before you know it...we're going to be parents." It wasn't IVF as such. It was a surgery that relates to IVF — but it isn't. Kitty had an operation to make sure everything was okay because she was scared after my results came back as normal — dunno what the hospital cut or poked — exactly but she is now able to conceive naturally unlike before.

"Oh bud..." Ryan whispers shaking his head. "Kids seem awesome. But they really are not." People like Ryan make me mad. I mean I know he is joking — kids are like innocent and don't deserve hate just because they're naughty or stubborn. "Speak for yourself." Tyler crosses his arms after putting down his beer on the side. Tyler is the youngest. He's only in his early twenties compared to us.

Bobby is nearly 38, Ryan is 36, I'm 32 and and Tyler is 22. We only include Tyler because it's sad. The guy has no life, his girlfriend died on the night he proposed dude to cancer. So of course Kitty babysits Tyler's young son whilst I try to get him live...something of a life.

"But your son is like four? Right? So he had been brought up with a millennial, totally different from us." Gen Z actually but...no one cares. "Ay bud. None of us are forty...yet. We're not old world motherfuckers. Anyway like Dan's only ten years older than Ty." Ryan points at Bobby, but of course Bobby doesn't care. He has a point. Our dad techniques are gonna be slightly different from Tyler's.

"Your best friend is your son. So that's why you're all adoring over him." Tyler smiles nodding his head. "Yeah mate that's true." Tyler's British. "And you look like he sleeps all through the night. I mean of course he does. Matt is four..." I know where Bobby is trying to drag this conversation. "Us three — except Dan — are dealing with little fuckers screaming at the dead of night just because they want to be held. I mean...my Laura...how many kids can she fucking pop out?" I choke on my beer as Ryan let's out a laugh.

"Come on dude! It's fucking true." I shake my head. "Fatherhood is a joy, Dan!" Ryan shouts as some bald guy wearing nothing more than a string vest and grey short pants decided to belt out a Lady Gaga song at the karaoke bar. "Fuck no!" Bobby laughs. "What's the matter?" I asks as he acts all hesitated and bothered by the guy. Expecting the reason to be something like that's his estranged and slightly disturbed father or something — the reason turns out to be quite comical. "All fucking day I listen to every fucking Gaga song on repeat. I hate it!" He shouts at the top of his voice while everyone just continues.

"How many have you had." I laugh. I mean...Bobby is fucking hilarious and the way Ryan stares at him like his in a cinema is even better. Tyler just looks at him disgusted all of the time...and me. I'm like Ryan enjoying this shit show.

Even though we class ourselves as friends — we're not. None of us want to be here...except Bobby. He had been savouring every Gaga-less moment up until now. Our wives...force us out of the house while they have their girly evenings. Tyler joins us because we force him. If we go anywhere Tyler is fucking coming with us.

But I guess Kitty is right. It's nice to hang around with guys who don't either work for me...or with me.