bts angst,, book two ✍︎

kth,,i'm fine

"Are you fine?"

The question I asked to everyone all the time. I give them my time and attention to let it all out. To make them feel better. They all thank me with glowing eyes and bright smiles.

Will anyone ask me if I'm fine?

Whenever someone asks me, "Are you fine?", I would say yes and they would shrug it off.

When someone tried to comfort me, they never see the desperation in my eyes. I'm calling for help. Please save me.

There is one person who knows me too well. A person who can see my dull eyes calling for help. She was sincere but I pushed her away. I thought she was just like the rest.

I thought that once I say that I'm fine, she would just shrug it off and leave me be. I thought that if she tries to comfort me, she would not know that I'm calling for help.

I was very wrong.

I pushed her away thinking that she was just clinging onto me and being annoying. I can never see her sincerity.

I regret not seeing it and being blind about it.

I told her to stop.

She did but she said something to me that I will not forget.

"I can see your eyes. Those dull eyes that never shine anymore. They're telling me that you're not fine. Stop lying to me. Stop lying to yourself. I know you too well and you know me. If you want to push me away, fine, I'll go. Please think about yourself for once. You're not fine and you just have to accept it but I'm willing to help. If you don't want it, I'll just let you be."

I agreed and I never saw her again. She knew me too well. I used to always be happy and people said they love the way my eyes sparkled.

What happened to me?

One day, it just started to ache and hurt so much. I can't bear it anymore.

I just want to disappear. Away from the pain.

That's why I decided.

I decided to leave everything and everyone behind.

I'm not fine.