Star ; Bastille

Star ; 3

What I do could be classed as pretty fucking drastic in some people's eyes. But I'm not going to stand here and do nothing while fans spread our address around as if it's a fucking piece of paper. I make a fake page up. The username is something completely random. @star. I cannot believe no one took such a basic ass name. With that I follow Dan, I then log into Dan's twitter and make his public account follow me. I'm worst than a soundcloud rapper. I then write a tweet as Dan knowing he won't mind me asking for his fans to follow me. I love how we more or less encourage each other to go through our accounts. It's not like me and Dan are a couple to hide things. I know what Dan is going to hide behind he knows.

He's completely shit with birthday surprises.

I then log back onto to @star after following a bunch of Bastille fan pages. I set the profile pic to a random unseen selfie of me and Dan, I even put 'Met Dan on 19/05/10, and again on 31/10/14' in the bio. Of course no one is going to know that's it's the day we got married and our son's birthday. I then decide to put '19/03/18 we went to the pub', we didn't. I'm pretty sure that's the night we conceived our second baby. I just feel like I need to include something about him or her...even on my fake profile. I name myself Crystal (out of all names) and make I'm out Dan's friend/fan.

Within minutes of me posting three private pictures of Dan I get a shit ton of likes and retweets, not to mention my followers increase making me look somewhat trustworthy. I then put out a shit-but-simple tweet:

Why are you guys coming to my house? You do realise Dan is my friend and he doesn't actually live here? I post it. Within literal seconds fans start posting their reactions there's a load of 'oh shit' in the comment or major fan accounts warning others to leave my privacy alone. So I decide to subtweet myself, just to make sure they won't turn up to stalk/follow me:

Btw Dan has recently moved and I don't know where he is living. We're friends but not close and rarely meet up. Please give me and my family privacy. It sucks that I have to say this...I'm pretty sure Dan feels the same way about his life??? @bastilledan with that I hear a phone vibrate but it isn't mine. A split second later Dan pushes open the bedroom door holding his phone with a smile on his face, despite causing all of this with a careless selfie. "Seriously?" Oh my god. I should be the one asking whether he is serious!

"Are you serious?" I say without a smile. It's still hard to do though. But Dan needs to know that I'm not happy. "Fans can and will mostly still show up." I know this for a fact because we've been through it before. They listened for a couple of months but it's in Dan's nature to take a photo for his a Instagram story of a selfie. I swear one day in Dan's glasses reflection they're gonna see Gray or me...or the baby.

"They're not hurting anybody, babe." I nod my head. Admittedly Dan has got a point. "But they're annoying." I don't want fans pestering us. It's why I've told Dan that as far interviewers and fans are concerned he's single and childless. I don't find it appealing that fans can know every single thing about us when and where ever they want.

Dan's a private guy tho so he is okay with my requests. I don't my really ask for much, just privacy and of course he tries to respect that...but sometimes he does or says stuff when he feels jealous of other people deliberately. It's very easy for him to forget being humble for a little while...but deep inside he is always humble. Thinking about everyone around him rather than his self.

"I know they are. Just ignore them, don't give them anything they want." That sounds okay until you put it in perspective that these fangirls have stalker attributes. "I don't think they give shit." I whisper as the hall light suddenly comes on and Gray stands in the doorway besides Dan. "You should be in bed monkey." I give my son cute nicknames because he is cute-I'm going to be that annoying clingy mom. I can feel it. "Yeah" Dan agrees in a delayed reaction.

There is literally nothing he can do right.

"You're loud." With that I laugh. I mean I have to laugh because I just got told by the loudest creature in the world right now that I'm being 'loud'. "Blame your daddy, babe." Dan's jaw drops open as I shake my head, we both know the truth. He is going to do fuck all about the fans.

Gray looks at Dan and smiles, he is such a daddies boy. Honestly same. He then shakes his head as Dan picks him up, "right you"— Dan kisses him on his forehead — "off to bed now. We'll be quieter." Will we now Dan? Does that mean he is going give into me and tell the fans some random lie that we don't live anywhere near each other?

Because I'd really appreciate that. I just want to bring up our family in a healthy and private atmosphere.

"Love you!" I call out as Gray then tells me it back while Dan puts him to bed. That's what I'm doing this all for...to protect the kids from fans creepy comments and edits. No one wants that.

No one.