Star ; Bastille

Star ; 27

29/01/12

I open my eyes. Almost straight away in panic I look down, I remember holding Lena past night so vividly. But of course she's gone. That makes me burst out crying, but for the first time in a long time...even though I cry like a big wuss...I don't entirely feel bad. I feel calm. It's hard to explain but I feel better.

I hold my head as I get a sharp pain for a second or two, it's probably a headache that is caused by a lack of water or something? I haven't had a drink since yesterday afternoon. Effortlessly I get out of bed and walk like a mindless zombie into the kitchen area...it's basically a sink and a microwave. I grab a plastic cup from under the sink and I then pour myself a cup of water. I close my eyes whilst drinking it. I get so carried away by the taste of cool nothingness that even my pinky finger raises up like I'm at the queens tea party or some shit. When I open them I jump back in fear, inches away from my face is Lena.

This time she doesn't say anything. Neither do I get the urge to scream anymore. It's fucked up. "Thank you!" I say quickly as I throw my arms around her. "Thank you for not going..." even if she's going to jump scare me for the rest of my life. It's better than never seeing her again...even if at this stage I'm more of a lunatic than Lila. Shit! Lila.

"Lena...have you seen your mummy?" She's still a fucking child even though this ghost is a...adult. I need to speak to her like a child. Lena nods her head as I feel my eyes widen, I hope I'm not scaring her. It's just...Lila had a nightmare. "Did you scare her?" Maybe that's why last night she was reversed with me..she kept her distance until she was comfortable.

Lena nods her head as I sigh in relief. At least Lila saw her again. "What did she do?" I whisper as I drink my drink again. That's when I notice something. Unlike last night Lena looks...alive. Her skin is slightly tanned, not tanned but she has colour and not dead white. She's as pale as me. Her eyes are blue deep blue but so...wide. Same crooked front tooth like mine and everything. She's really tall too. Even her old fashioned white lace baggy dress from last night has changed...she's in a short white dress with see through lace sleeves and her hair is loosely tied up, at the bottom is a white ribbon bow. She even has matching lace pumps. Vintage...just like her mother.

"She screamed...all she did was scream. I screamed with her...but I don't know why." Fuck that's deep. I don't do anything I just nod my head. "Me and you...we're going to go around Jim and Josephine's house and we're going to get your mother and brother. We're going to go home and I'm going to explain...you." Out of all of the things I expect, Lena shaking her head in protest isn't one of them.

"Lena?" I confusedly say. "Only you." Only me what? I don't get this. "Only me?" I question, but Lena doesn't answer. Instead within a blink of an eye she fades...and someone knocks on my door.

Fuck.

I take a deep breath in and out before I place the cup down and answer the door with a false smile...only to see Tom. "Is everything okay in here?" He curiosity asks. I feel him trying not to look around, I hold the door close to my chest just in case Lena decides to reappear again. That would be pretty fucked up to explain...

"Yeah mate, why did you ask?" I ask acting like everything is perfect and that I'm not crazy and having full blown conversations with my adult dead daughter. Normal.

I know I say...or think...this a lot, but I really do need to write a song. I can write one and maybe Lena can listen to it first? My song to her about unhappiness and...I better not.

That's a really fucking shitty idea. She doesn't deserve anymore mental pain...the girl is literally dead. And that's the fucked up thinf. I should be in mourning still...but how can I do that when I know that she is her own person...haunting me. It's too weird.

I'm never going to tell the guys about this. Woody would most likely call me a freak, Kyle would disown me...and Will...he'd be chill but creeped out I suppose. As for my wife...she's terrified of her. She called our own flesh and blood a nightmare. I'm sure she didn't mean it though. Hopefully I can get through to her and I have the chance to explain that...she's back from the dead in a woman's body. A ghost.

"I've heard talking majority of the night you see. It's only just you and me on the land. I heard a...girl crying as well." With that I scratch my head. "I was watching some shows on my phone, sorry...about the volume. I thought I had it down on low. It was this...weird program about being...um...naked in the jungle and these contestants...wasn't thrilled of the challenges to say the least." I used to watch that show on the tour bus with Bastille a couple of years ago. We'd watch it religiously because funnily enough it was the only ever decent thing on. It's pretty strange that I remember that one show in particular.

"I used to like watching that show. Fake as fuck...but it's entertaining." I nod my head in agreement even though I haven't seen it recently. The last time was when we was on tour in America two years ago now...maybe even three.

I suppose fans do deserve a tour...

"Sorry for disturbing ya buddy." And with that he walks off whistling. As soon as I shut the door I feel her breathing down the back of my neck, "I'm going to meet your mum and brother today...you can come." Lena thankfully shyly nods her head as I turn around.

I need to explain to Lila what she saw...maybe then she'll stop acting crazy and we can leave and get our life on track...with Lena. No way am I leaving her alone. Even if this is all in my head which I know it isn't...