Star ; Bastille

Star ; 30

"I'm so sorry." I whisper as me and and Lila it on the red and white checkered picnic blanket. Gray plays in the distance with his ball. "It's okay." Lila whispers drying her eyes. It seems like she was more closer to Tom than she is with her parents...or at least that's how it seems.

"I'm sorry that you had to find him." Lila then holds my hand as I nod my head. I don't feel sorry for myself or anything, the only thing right now that's spinning around in my mind is the abortion my wife had after our honeymoon. What's all that about?

I don't know how I should exactly bring the topic up. Maybe I should talk about Lena first? I know Lila doesn't want to, but it helps...that's what her therapist told me? I'm not sure about any of this. "I told Lena to give us some space...she didn't look happy. It's not her fault." With that Lila shakes her head adamantly.

"I can't...be dealing with my friends death and you having full blown conversations with our dead little girl. Can...can we do one thing at a time? Please. My head is a mess and I'm a fucking wreck." What if I say no? Then what? I don't mean for this to sound selfish as it probably might seem but the ghost daughter is far more important than...any of this. I told her what Lena said, that he is with his daughter. Tom is fine now.

But are we fine?

"Sure. We can do one thing at a time...but you can also tell me why you got an abortion." With that Lila's eyes widen. She totally looks horrified. "What the fuck are you accusing me of?" I shrug my shoulders back. "You killing our baby for no fucking reason. You know we was trying! Why did you...why?" My voice goes weak at the end when I question her.

Lila looks away. "It wasn't our baby. It was never ours." What the dock is that supposed to mean? Of course the baby was ours...we married and...it was ours. "I had an affair, Dan. I'm so fucking sorry. Like so sorry..." With that my laugh feeling totally fucking disbelieved. Never have I ever cheated on my wife, there's been many moments where I could've but I remembered our vows. Our I do's. "Who's was it?" I whisper needing to know.

Of course I need to know. "Dan babe. I called it off on our wedding day. I told him at the reception to fuck off. I love you, I've never felt about anyone the way I felt about you." So he was at the reception...everyone I knew who was at our reception is...a close friend. Who the fuck did she fuck? I don't...what?

"You was pregnant on our wedding day...on our honeymoon." She wasn't that far gone or otherwise I would've noticed. But what the actual fuck Lila. "Dan, look at me. That was years ago and I was in a shit place!" Shit place?! We was fucking happy, at that point we never even had our first argument. What the fuck is she talking about? "Who the fuck did you fuck!" I scream as Gray stops kicking the ball and stares at me. Fuck.

Instead I look away and shut up. I don't want to scare him. "Who did you have sex with?" I need to know. To make us fucking work I need to know. "Dan that's really not a good idea." What the fuck. She has no right to tell me what's a good idea or not. She fucking was pregnant with another man's baby.

"Who fucked my wife. I want to know. Fuck that I deserve to know!" Lila closes her eyes and firmly shakes her head. "It'll ruin him...his family..." family? So a guy with a family. Oh god.

"Tom!" I shout. Tom is Bastille's videographer. "Did you fuck Tom!" Earlier this year him and his wife had a baby girl, they're a little family unit. "No! No..." it must be someone from Bastille. I can see it in Lila's eyes that she's guilty. "I don't know who else..." I mean of course I know who the crew members are who have family, I just can't fucking think at the moment. I feel sick.

I put everything into that wedding. Everything. And around that time...she was fucking one of my friends. "Who." I whisper under my breath feeling the acidic sick in my throat bubble and cluster into this ball almost. With tears in her eyes she shakes her head firmly. "Lila I swear to god if you don't fucking tell me!" I threat...but I don't know what I'm threatening with. I'm just mad.

"Please..." She begs as I shake my head. "Tell me or I'm filing for a divorce." I'm done. I'm done with our bipolar relationship. Fucking done. Lila tries grabbing my hand but I shake her off of me. "Just tell me...who was the dad?" Please...just answer it.

"The fucking drummer, Dan" — my eyes widen — "Chris..." fucking hell!