Star ; Bastille

Star ; 6

I get to the hospital in no time. Thankfully the traffic today was okay. As soon as I get out of Lila's car, of which I ran home to get, I text her to see which ward she's in. Her reply scares me to death:

   — Lila; Maternity

Of course she would be in maternity...because that's her condition. It's just that we're not meant to be visiting that ward for at least another three months. Three months. Not now. I walk in through the main reception and casually follow two heavily pregnant women in their nightgowns. I over take them and walk in the direction of the west wing...I think this was the direction we came last time for Gray.

When Gray when walked into the hospital for the last time without Gray...we would kill for one another. Me and Lila had this crazy kind of love, pretty sure if one of us died one of us would pull a classic Shakespeare and commit suicide. But as soon as we saw Gray, it was in that moment when we knew we'd kill each other for him. I mean that sounds a little dramatic but that's parenting. We only knew a certain type of love before Gray. After Gray we'd do anything to protect him.

05/11/14

"Look at the fireworks!" Lila excitedly points at the blue fireworks bursting into the cold night sky. I on the other hand cradle Gray in my arms. He is like a little warm rock. He's good as good, we've heard our neighbours children in the garden next door babies cry over the loud popping noises but Gray seems fascinated. Even though I read in a baby book he probably can't see anything which is far away. He's also wide awake, but at times he seems to drift off but then when he sees a blue of a firework he is awake.

"They are so pretty. Aren't they." Lila smiles as she lowers her head and shoulders downwards and kisses Gray on the head. "Why don't we go and sit in our bedroom?" I suggest knowing that it's better than standing slap bang in the middle of the garden. "We could do." Behind mine and Lila's bed is a wide window. Our house is quite modern and open.

With that me and Lila quickly go in. Lila locks up while I go up the stairs and into our warm bedroom. I kick my shoes off then sit on our bed, before almost kneeling at the window. I get a pillow and blankets and lay Gray on the window sill, but not too near the cold window. I then lean forwards and rest my head against his legs, I'm only the leg end because I know Lila wants to snuggle up to her baby. She has more right...I mean she did push him out of her...body. I've been a dad for not even a week and I feel like I'm doing a good job.

I still don't have a fucking idea what to do with somethings but I'm willing to try anything and everything for our son. "I haven't missed out on any pretty ones, have I?" Lila asks as she creeps into the room. I don't really know how to answer that question because all of the fireworks Lila has seen tonight are 'pretty'.

Our house overlooks a park and at that part they're putting on a massive firework display, these are the warm up fireworks I guess. "No" I smile as Lila takes everything off so she's just in her nightdress again, we was in our night clothes until Lila realised that it was Guy Fawkes night. Lila dives into bed and huddles up to the other side of Gray. Of course him being the tiniest mummy's boy ever he literally moves his head closer to her. Cute.

"Look at that one" Lila whispers as she presses her finger against the window for Gray to see. But I think he's comfortable on his makeshift pillow and blanket bed, he went from wide eyed to...sleepy in a matter of minutes. Lila smiles as she kisses him on his cheek before she continues to watch the fireworks while he finally closes his eyes once and for all.

"I never thought we'd be here..." she whispers as a noise of a firework makes Gray toss slightly. "Huh?" I whisper back. I'm way too concentrated on this old bald guy in the park who is trying to poke people with a sparkler. The fucking dickhead. "You know...being parents. Watching fireworks with our baby." Last year we was in America on tour. Coop brought knock off Fourth of July fireworks really cheap and set them off at half five in the evening...cause it would still be November the 5th in the UK. We danced and made a bomb fire...I mean apparently over there it's illegal but thankfully we didn't get caught.

"I don't think no one suspected it." My mum is still not sure whether my own son, who actually looks like me, is my son. I mean...everyone is disbelieved. I think it's because Bastille are at the peak of our careers...and I probably fucked it up by getting my wife pregnant. "No one will...like your fans..." I shake my head. "Whatever you want." I whisper as Lila smiles going back to watching the now huge firework display.

02/10/18

I get into her room and Lila shaking her head as a midwife tries making her drink something. "Dan!" she shouts standing up, but grabbing the side of her stomach in pain. I put my arm around her, "they-they...want me to be induced. The baby isn't breathing..." she's six and a half months. They can't do this. The baby probably isn't even developed. But then again..."doctors know best." I unsurely whisper as Lila nods her head in agreement after I say that. "Just...drink the inducing juice. I'm going to call mum up to take Gray home." With that Lila nods her head with tears streaming down her pretty face.

"I'm scared." She whispers as I nod my head. I don't think I can say anything else because she doesn't need to know that I'm terrified for them both. I've got to get my shit together and stay strong.