Star ; Bastille

Star ; 12

05/11/18

"Look at these Gray!" My mum shouts as she points to the sparklers. Me and Lila on the other hand remain huddled up together. It's fucking unbearably cold. "These fireworks are shit." Lila whispers in my ear as I nod my head. They're nothing like the fireworks five years ago. "Why are we even here?" I ask as Lila shrugs.

"I guess is this the last time we're gonna get to experience fireworks in London. Might as well...just...watch the crappy display for memories." I smile nodding my head. Lila has got a point, plus her bitchy friends invited her. Although they're all huddled in a close circle somewhere, probably bitching about Lila. I never knew why my wife was friends with them in the first place. "Look at Gray tho..." Lila smiles as Gray tries drawing in the air with the sparkler. He looks like a little wizard, so innocent and happy.

"We should've...held onto her ashes longer. We could've vanished tonight...and release them under the pretty colours." We scattered her ashes more or less straight away. In both of our minds she was trapped in a urn...we wanted to free her, but then we regretted it. All we then had left of our daughter is a birth certificate, footprint and handprints...and a death certificate. I got a few photos of her...from when she was alive although she was just covered in tubes. Those are more comforting...ones than the ones the hospital had to take of her...gone. Or maybe they was the uncomfortable pictures...since she was suffering. I don't know.

"She's like you. She probably is watching them right now..." Lena was basically a mini Lila. They look so alike it was scary. I can imagine if she ever grew up Lena would say stuff about the 'pretty lights painting the sky for a few seconds'. She would've been a vintage type of girl like her mum or...maybe bohemian. "Mom!" Gray shouts out as he draws the most perfect love heart ever. Sometimes because of mine and Lila's accents he is either American or English. Some days he is more one country than another, he was born over here though which makes him British.

Lila has a strong American accent that has yet to even start getting the London twang. I don't think it's never going to happen, America runs through her veins like blood.

"Do that again! I want that as my laptop background!" We've also ditched MacBooks and gone back to the slow-as-fuck windows products. I think our phones are androids. We delete every message we send afterwards. Just a month of being super weary...and the Twitter hiatus and it's true. I do feel better. Lila definitely has changed herself.

I get the camera out of my pocket and quickly take a picture. "That's so cool!" I shout over the loud music. As soon as Eminem stops...Bastille comes on. Lila then snatched the camera off of me and points it in my face, the red 'record' light is flashing. "Agh!" I try covering up my face but Lila sways to Pompeii. "You've got to sing it! Gray give daddy your sparkler." I shake my head as Gray passes me it. "What am I meant to do?!" I shout...since the music is fucking loud. My own voice is destroying mine and my families ears.

"Sing!" Lila laughs as I hold the sparkler away from my face, but like a microphone. Gray bends over laughing. "Dan!" Mum shouts as she literally comes out from nowhere and snatched it away from me. I feel like a kid again, "if that got in your eye..." I look at Lila who still laughs holding the camera. "She encourages me" I point at Lila. Playfully mum hits me on the arm playfully.

"Gray tell him off." Fran, my older sister, nudged Gray on the arm as he nods his head and walks up to me. "It is dangerous. I could've like died and so could've your eyes. Even though it would be funny." What even is he? "I'm sorry for misbehaving...l feel like I need to apologise to him and I don't know why. I'm not even playing about or anything. "And say sorry to your eyes." Lila looses it. She just laughs. It's really nice to hear her laugh. I think we have to laugh about the little things or else we might go insane!

"Sorry...eyes..." my voice trails off as Gray grabs Frans hand and jumps up and down with her and my nephew Fin. "Never thought I'd say sorry to my eyes." I smile as Lila stops recording. "He's definitely a mini you...oh that blue one takes the piss!" Lila shouts as I put my hand over her mouth quickly. I mean...people around this area aren't exactly the nicest and they love their shitty firework displays. Lila nite any hand as I pull it away quickly. "They're not even pretty." She moans as I shake my head.

The wife's got a valid point.