Surrender.

The Need For Contact

It's been four years. My body needed to feel the touch of another human. I needed to feel something, anything other than anger and numbness. I wanted to feel human again. Larry had at the moment what my body craved. Was it the best decision of the night probably not. Am I a little scared? For him yes. I might put this man in the hospital tonight. I leaned my head up against the window and stared into the night for some reason the darkness was always calming to me.
"You okay?" He asked as he looked over at me.
"Yeah just thinking." I said.
"I no trying to make you do anything you non want to do."
"I'm fine."
"You non look fine."
He was right I wasn't I was lonely. I had so much anger in my heart that was slowly turning into bitterness. The hurt seemed to linger. I was pulled out of my train of thoughts by a touch that made me wet. I smiled genuinely for the first time in a long time. What was it about him that made me feel differently. He brought a sort of peace to my troubled mind.
We soon arrived at his hotel. I was nervous as hell. Was I really about to do this. The butterflies started to flutter as he walked around to open the car door. My mind pacing back and forth. I felt a panic attack coming on. I got out of the car and followed him inside pulling my hood over my head and placing my sun glasses on my face. I hope no one notices me. The last thing I needed was my business all over everything  Once we were in his room I took a breath of relief.
I stood by the door playing with the string from my hood.
Larry laughed at my nervousness.
"You can sit belle if you want. I non going to bite"
" Thank you." I said my eyes shifting from side to side.
" You sure you okay?"
I hung my head and tears started to fall.
"I can't do this." I said.
"Is okay no pressure."
"I'm so sorry Larry I thought I could do this but I can't."
"Oh no cry belle." He said wrapping his arms around me.
"Oh my gawd this is just so embarrassing." I said placing my head in my hands.
"Non need for be embarrassed bebe really is okay."
"You seem so nice and I know you could be with any girl tonight but you stuck here with my dysfunctional ass."
"Tianna look at me your beautiful I non just wanted to have sex with you tonight I wanted more."
"Oh my gawd why do you have to say things like that."
"I non understand."
It would have been easy if he was the jerk I was trying to make him out to be but he was the total opposite. He was nice and honest and beautiful I mean drop dead gorgeous. I silently moaned to myself. He just sat there staring at me.