I guess I need help

It kills

"Hi pumpkin you ready to leave?" My dad asks. I've talked with Sarah and Natali for like hours or something now. But they're really nice, I really like them. My dad and Gaga was too busy shooting anyways and it would be boring just sitting by myself.
"Yes I'm ready" I say with a smile. We were about to go when some people shouts my dads name.
"Be right back pumpkin" He says kissing my cheek and walking over to them. Gaga sees me standing there alone so she approaches me.
"Hi hun, what're you doing here alone?" She asks.
"Waiting for my dad. They needed him again I guess." I say looking at her. She's so beautiful.
"Oh I see, well I will stand here with you" She says with a smile.
"You really don't have to, I don't think my dad will take long. And you probably have better things to do at home" I say, not wanting to be trouble.
"I don't have anything waiting for me at home, so i'd rather be here with you even for just a couple of minutes" She says, wow she's really nice.
"You know, I really like you. You're very nice to me and my dad, I'm glad I have you in my life" I tell her. She hugs me.
"That's very sweet of you, and it really warms my heart." She says. And I smile. That's when my dad gets back. He doesn't look very thrilled.
"I'm going to have to stay for some more couple of hours" He says, and I nod looking down.
"I can drive you home if you want?" Gaga says looking at me, I look at my dad.
"That'd be great" He says, giving gaga a kiss.
"Bye pumpkin I'll see you tonight or tomorrow morning" He says hugging me. We walk towards Gaga's car. She turns on the engine and starts driving.
"What kind of music do you listen too?" She asks.
"Oh, like everything. I have a very wide taste" I say and she nods.
"Because I've noticed you have old band tees" She says with a smile.
"Oh yeah, they look good and the bands are good too. I really like 60-90s music" I say.
"So do you mind if I put on some music?" She asks and I shake my head. She puts on true colors by Cyndi Laupner.
"I love this song" I say and she smiles singing along. I'm afraid of doing the same, because she's a singer and I'm just me. But it's Cyndi so I have too. We roll up at our apartment.
"You'll be fine on your own?" She asks me.
"Yeah, it's not the first time I'm on my own" I say with a smile.
"I know that. But are you fine with it?" She asks.
"Yes, I am. Promise" I say and give her a hug. I walk up to the door and walk in. When I get into the apartment I take out my cigs and walk to my window. Before opening the windows and lighting one. I put on some music on my speakers.

I put the cigarette to my mouth and light it up. I take a puff and blow out the smoke. This helps me cope with my feelings and anxiety. I know it's a bad coping method but it works.
"I didn't know you smoked" I turn around and freeze. Gaga is standing there, with my headphones in her hand. I throw my cigarette and turn off the music.
"I - I can explain" I say, stuttering.
"Does your dad know?" She asks, sitting down on my bed.
"No" I say fiddling with my hands.
"I could assume that." She says looking at me with a sad face.
"I know it's bad for me and all that so you don't have to say how bad it is for me" I say, walking to sit next to her.
"I won't" She says.
"And please don't tell dad, please I can't have him knowing" I say.
"I won't" She says again looking at me.
"And I do it for a reason" I say, looking at the windows.
"You want to talk about it?" She asks, stroking my leg.
"It helps with my anxiety and other feelings. It also stops me for doing other things" I say, immediately regretting saying the last part.
"That's why you should go talk to someone instead. This coping method isn't good, I know because i've tried. It may turn into something worse."She says looking at me, but I keep looking out the window.
"I guess. But I'm just scared that talking with someone won't work, and then I'm just a lost cause. That nothing will heal me, and that's when I lose my last bit of hope" I say.
"I'm sure it will work. If my therapist isn't the one for you, you can try another one. You just have to believe. And don't say that, you're not a lost cause" She says.
"I guess. I just want to be the kid my dad deserves. Not this messy smoking anxious kid." I say looking at her for the first time in our conversation.
"You just have to find better coping methods and feel better. You are the kid your dad deserves, you just have some problems but everyone does. It doesn't make you less valuable" She says caressing my cheek.
"I guess you're right" I say and she strokes my hair.
"And, what did you mean by stopping you from doing other things?" She asks raising an eyebrow. I thought she forgot about that part.
"It was nothing. Don't worry about it" I say, fiddling with my hands.
"You sure about that? Because you think smoking is better, and smoking kills. So it has to be bad" She says, still stroking my hair.
"You found out about me smoking, you don't need to know all of my secrets today" I say, hoping she'd accept that. She sighed.
"Fine. But I will find out sooner or later" She says and I nod.
"And give me your cigarettes" She says holding out her hand.
"Why?" I ask.
"Because it's bad for you, it kills Kayla. I can agree on not telling your dad but then you need to stop with it. I can't agree on you continuing this, it's a bad habit" She says, and I sigh and go get my cigarettes. I can get new ones anyway.
"Is this really your only one?" She asks, I think that I don't want to lie to her. So I go get my second package. It's not like I can't get new ones.
"Thank you, for trusting me. And I know you can get new ones, but please try to stop. If not for yourself, for your dad."She says, and I nod.
"I'm sorry I must be such a mess, and it isn't your responsibility to take care of me" I say, she puts her hand on my thigh.
"I want to help you and take care of you. I care about you Kayla. That's why I take your cigarettes, not because I want to be mean. Because I care and I don't want you to be hurt."She says, I can feel a single tear on my cheek. She cares about me.
"Thank you. I think both me and my dad really needed you in our lives." I say and she hugs me.
"I love you and your dad, I really do" She says, stroking my hair.
"I know you said you didn't needed me, but I guess that was because you wanted to smoke. So do you want me to stay until your dad comes home?" Gaga asks me.
"You can stay, if you want too"I say.
"Of course I do"She says with a smile.
"Okay, we can go into the living room and watch a movie."I say and we stand up from my bed and walk towards the living room.
"What do you want to watch?"She asks.
"I'm in the mood for like the blind side" I say.
"I've never seen that one" She says. I stop in my tracks.
"Okay we need to see it, it's amazing" I say.
"Okay then, can't wait" She says and we sit down in the couch. She wraps her arm around me, and I feel safe. I can't believe she isn't mad at me. Or won't tell my dad. I've never experienced so much love before, well of course from my dad but not anyone else. And I have friends in school, I can't help but think that everything will get better.