I guess I need help

thanksgiving

Kayla's POV

"Look we're here" I hear Gaga say with excitement from the front seat. I look out the window and see a beautiful building. Outside I see Cynthia waiting. I light up. We're celebrating thanksgiving at Gaga's parents house. I've only met Cynthia and Natali, so I'm a little nervous over meeting Gaga's dad. But I think he's nice, I mean it's Gaga's dad. We get out of the car and Cynthia greets us with hugs.
"Kayla how are you honey!" Cynthia says and hugs me tightly.
"I'm okay" I say, putting on a fake smile. Hopefully she won't see through it. But she's gaga's mom after all.
"Hm okay, well I hope you'll have a great thanksgiving" She says with a genuinely smile. I nod and we all walk into the apartment. It looks old but at the same time very cute.
"Hi you must be Kayla, I'm Joe." He gives me a hug and I get a little shocked but it goes over fast.
"Hi" I say a little shyly. Then I notice Natali sitting in the couch so I rush over there.
"Kaykay!" She squeals and takes me into her arms.
"I've missed you" I say and hug her back.
"I've missed you too, are you taking care of yourself?" She asks. I nod, not knowing if she would see through me if I said something.
"Good" She says smiling.
"Kayla, come" I hear Cynthia say so I turn around and see her at the stairs. I follow her upstairs into gaga's old room. I'm not surprised when I come in. It's like I would've imagined it.
"I like how you haven't changed it" I say and she smiles.
"I like saving things how they are" She says and smiles.
"Okay I'm going to back down now. But I thought you needed a little break. So you can stay in here if you want" She says and I nod. She leaves and I immediately break out in tears. I barely know why. It's just so much going on in my head and I just can't take it. I take my bag and open it up. I take out a bottle, that is filled with vodka, straight up vodka. My dad doesn't know I drink. He wouldn't take it well, because he himself was an alcoholic. And apparently my mom was too. Before I only drank on party's. But when I realized how much it calmed me down I started drinking it everyday. When I haven't had a shot I have a headache. I feel the liquor burning in my throat. I've learned to like the burning feeling, I like the taste of vodka now.
"Why isn't it working" I whisper to myself. I look back to my bag. I see the little box, where I have my other pain relievers. I haven't used them since I almost died. I look at them for a while until I decide that it's the right thing to do. I dry my tears and look myself in the mirror, I look acceptable if I would accidentally run into someone on my way to the bathroom. I take the box and put it in my pocket. I then make sure the bottle is closed and put it back into my bag. I then try to find the bathroom, luckily it's upstairs.
"Kayla" I turn around and see Gaga standing there.
"Hi" I say, hiding all my emotions.
"Why have you cried?" She asks, worried printed in her face.
"Oh it's nothing, I watched a sad video" I say already knowing she won't fall for it.
"Okay, where are you going?" She says, not wanting to push too much right now.
"To the bathroom" I say with a slight laugh.
"Okay, come downstairs when you're done. We're gonna eat" She says, with a sad smile and then she walks away. I quickly walk into the bathroom. Before doing the thing. I stare into the mirror.
"Why are you like this. You're such a drama queen. This is why no one really likes you. You deserve the pain. You deserve this." I whisper. I close my eyes and push the blade to my wrists, carefully not to push too deep. When I'm done I hold my arms under the cold water. The cuts stings but I don't really care. When I'm done I walk downstairs to the others. I put on my fake smile, I'm not gonna let my mind ruin this thanksgiving. And I mean I'm not in a very clear state either. I sit and eat my food while the adults talk. My grandma is really bonding with Cynthia and that makes me happy. I notice some glares from gaga. Knowing that she knows something. I do participate in the conversation enough so they won't be worried, but not more than I have too.
"This food is delicious, you guys are truly amazing" My grandma tells Cynthia and Joe.
"Thank you Gloria, cooking is something we're both very passionate about" Joe says with a smile.
"Bradley's father was the chef in our house" Grandma says with a little laugh. I give my dad a glance. He's talking to Joe, laughing. But I can see that he's sad, we both hate fighting with each other. I love my dad so much. I shouldn't have reacted like that. I'm so grateful for him. Thanksgiving is about what we're thankful for. I can't fight with the person I'm the most thankful for I've got in my life. Especially not over someone who hasn't been in my life.
"Kayla come" I hear Gaga whisper behind me. I follow her into her old room.
"What is it?" I ask, sounding confused even though I know what she wanted.
"Roll up your sleeves" She says, not with an angry tone.
"I don't want to" I say, I know I won't get away with it.
"Please honey"
"You do it" I say, she rolls up my sleeves and I look away. I don't want to see my weakness. In that moment I hear the door open.
"Kayla..." I hear a surprised voice. I turn my head.
"Grandma"