Dear Diary ↬ NoMin

sixteen.

Jeno's POV

"I'm going to the bathroom," I said and got up to leave.

I got out my phone and went to notes.

Dear Diary,
October 10th

Well.

I fucked up again.

Jaemin probably hates me even more. I feel bad for him, I love him so much and hurt him.

IM SO STUPID. GOSH LEE JENO GET YOUR FUCKING DUMBASS HEAD PUT TOGETHER AND GIVE HIM THE LOVE HE DESERVES NOT FUCKING PUNCHES

i hate myself i don't even deserve Jaemin.

Tears ran down my cheek and soon my phone screen. Why didn't I give him the love he wanted? I punched the stall wall next to me.
I cried even more. "You're a fucking idiot Jeno. Now he probably doesn't even love you."

I cried for what seemed like forever before my mom called my phone telling me to hurry. I got out of the stall and washed my teary face. I looked like trash, trash that nobody wanted. I washed it until it looked like I didn't look sad. I made myself smile by looking at videos of my cute cats. My eye smiles showed as I got out of the bathroom and out of the restaurant to see my family already in the car. I entered the car and started watching more cuteass videos of my adorable cats.

"You have some cute cats,"

I turned and saw him.
The one I loved.
The one I hurt instead of love.
The one that turned me gay.
The one and only beautiful Na Jaemin.

I looked at him forever. I wanted to kiss him, hug him and love him forever but I knew I would never be able to do that. I turned my phone off and looked at my side of the window. I saw his reflection on my window, he was looking at me with the face that made him look as if he was about to cry. I wanted to comfort him but I didn't know how to. I didn't know how to give my love to him.

We finally arrived at my house. Why my house? My parents got out of the car so did Jaemin and I. I quickly walked over to my mom and asked her what was happening.

She whispered to me so Jaemin wouldn't hear. "Jaemin is going to sleep over with you tonight. It'll be a good way to get along again."

"But we have no other bed or bedroom," I said.

"He's sleeping with you,"

He was going to sleep with me!? The inside of my head was screaming 'yes' and was celebrating and another part was worried. Is this too fast for a relationship or even a friendship? I mean I nearly killed him and now I'm sleeping with him. We all entered the building as each of my three cats greeted me.

I grabbed Bongsik and cuddled him in my arms. Nal-ie rubbed against Jaemin's legs and Jaemin picked up Seol-ie.

I smiled in my head. Look at how cute he is with my children.

"Well, Jeno." My mom said. "Why won't you take Jaemin up to your room."

I ok-ed my mom and Jaemin and I walked upstairs. I had all three cats in my arms with Jaemin tailing behind. I opened my door and put the cats on my bed and Jaemin sat on the bed petting them all.

I grabbed my diary and quickly went to the bathroom and starting writing.

Well I guess today is it.

I'm sleeping with Na Jaemin.

I love him. I love watching him play with my cats. His smile when he picked up Seol-ie just brought my level of joy bolting up high.

I don't know what to say to Jaemin. Do I say I'm sorry or like where ya wanna sleep. I'm such a bad conversation starter ugh.

I'll just wing it.

I put the diary in the bathroom drawer and walked out. Jaemin was laying down and the cats were surrounding him like some satanic cult. How can someone just be so cute.

"Hey Jaemin," I said. Gosh my voice is so freaken shaky.

He looked at me with his beautiful face.

"I'm sorry," I said and it had sounded like I was about to cry.

Jaemin's POV

What do I do? Do I say I'm sorry too? Do I forgive him? Ugh!

Na Jaemin it's not like he likes you anyways. His mom probably just doesn't want me to embarrass her anymore with all this fighting, crying and bullshit.

I looked up at Jeno and sat that he was still waiting for his answer.

"Umm." I said. "I forgive you and everything's fine."

Jeno let out a big sigh and then a smile, he's so fucking cute. The fact that I can't have him makes me emo. Jeno started out a conversation asking what I wanted to do. Honestly I didn't know what to do so I asked him what he likes doing. He says he just likes to play video games and play with his cats which brought us to playing a whole entire 3 hours of gaming. Jeno has won and soon we got tired. I looked at Jeno, who was smiling from winning, "where am I sleeping?"

"You can just sleep with me on my bed," he said.

"Oh, okay." I said hiding all my excitement.

Yay! Na Jaemin you're sleeping with him! All I could think about was that we were moving quickly. I wanted to be his friend it was better than being nothing but sleeping with him aaaaaa.

An hour passed as we were both ready to go to sleep. Jeno was lying in his bed and i just got out of the bathroom.

Shit. He looks so hot just laying there. I wanna cuddle with him. I climbed into the bed with him and pulled the blanket over me.

"Goodnight Nana," Jeno said and turned.

"Goodnight," I said with a smile.

Jeno turned the lights off and turned the other way. An hour had passed and Jeno was asleep. I was still up, awake in my stupid, weird thoughts. I finally got tired and then there was a move in the sheets. Jeno had turned the other way and was looking at me with his beautiful face. He was sound asleep and probably wouldn't remember this.

"I love you, Jeno."

I kissed him.