Bad Habits || Calum Hood (DISCONTINUED)

chapter sixteen

LAURENS POV.

I wasn't ready to say sorry to Calum yet. I was a wreck, I know I should but I couldn't really bring myself to do it just yet. I didn't know if he was ready yet either. Which is why I kept my distance as much as possible. I knew he needed time, and so did I. I wasn't sure if I wanted him again. After all the shit I've been through, I wasn't sure if he wanted me anymore. And that hurt honestly. I loved him, but he made it seem like if I was nothing. Like I wasn't good enough for him. He deserved better, a lot better. And I wasn't giving him that. What I did was wrong, and I regret it. I regret cheating on him. It was so wrong, and I knew he would never do that to me. After all this thinking, I actually wanted to apolagize for everything I did wrong. I wanted him again and I couldn't stand seeing him hate me so much. I understand why he does, I'd hate me too. But it was different. Loving someone who hated you was the worst feeling in the world. I decided to be the grown up about this, I was finally going to talk to him. I sighed to myself, thinking if I should do this and get it over with. I was conflicted on doing it or not, because I had no idea how he would take it. Or what he would say. I had a feeling it'd be something rude, but I wasn't sure. And I didn't wanna find out the hard way. I needed to man up and just get it over with. Whats the worst that could happen? It can't really be that bad. But I was going to find out, and I was going to listen to everything he had to say to me. And he was going to listen to me. 

I sat on my bed with my phone in my hands, my heart beating rapidly. I was ready, I knew I was. But it was hard. I looked for his contact name and hovered over the call botton with my fingers. I knew what was about to happen and I was in for hell of a ride. I tapped on call and brought the phone up to my ear. I couldn't tell you how bad my hands were shaking. His voice spoke, and my heart stopped.

"Hello?" it came off as raspy, and deeper than usual. Like if he was tired.

"Hi." I said quietly and repeated in my head what I was going to say. I just wanted to do this so it would be over with. But I was finding it rather hard, almost impossible. My breath hitched and I felt a lump in my throat, I didn't want to cry. I cried way to many times over him and I didn't want to anymore. 

"What do you need?" he said in almost a whisper and I grew confindence in myself, he wasn't in a bitchy mood which took me by suprise. 

"Um, I know you probably don't wanna hear this from me, but I'm sorry. I know what I did was wrong and I honestly regret doing it, you mean a lot to me and I can't stand not having you. You probably hate me, but I don't hate you. And I'm sorry. I understand if you don't want to talk to me, but I just wanted to let you know I'm sorry. For everything." I sighed. There was a short silence, a highly uncomfortable one. It made me feel sick to my stomach.

"Okay." was all he said and I had no idea how to respond to that. At all. Why would he just say, okay. I heard him breath into the phone before speaking up again,

"I just need some time to think. You hurt me, a lot Lauren." he said softly and I frowned. He was right, I did hurt him.

"You can have all the time you need. I just wanted to let you know I was sorry." I shifted uncomfortably and ran my fingers through my hair. 

"Alright. See ya." he said before hanging up and the loneliness took over me once again. This was destroying me mentally and I had no idea what to do with myself anymore. I wanted him to be happy and I obviously wasn't helping. It sucked, because I just want him happy. His happiness makes me happy. This was honestly breaking me down and driving me insane, and I felt helpless. 

My mum walked into my room and took a seat down on my bed, rubbing my back with her hand.

"How are you feeling?" she gave me a warm smile and I nodded. I felt the best I have in a while and it was progress, maybe I was finally getting happy again. And I hope to god I was.

"I'm getting better." I gave her a smile and yawned, standing up from my bed. I stretched and looked at her.

"I'm gonna go get some chineese and a movie or something. What do you want?" I slid on my flip flops and waited at my bedroom door.

"Same as I usually get." she smiled and walked down stairs.

Everything felt like it was getting better, and this is how I wanted it. 

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so yeah i felt like this chapter was shit and i really need to step up my game but yeah enjoy :---)