Curves

Chapter 33

Keisha 

*

"It's over," I cried to myself with music playing in the background. I was surrounded by empty bottles of liquor. My tests came back positive for genital herpes and that puts me as a high risk pregnancy. I had no choice but to go through with the abortion. I didn't want to do it, especially if it was my last best chance. "This is all my fault," I sniffed downing the brown liquor. "I was the one who wanted to be a hoe and start fucking with Jamel knowing what type of person he was. This is all my damn fault."

And the scariest part about this is I don't know if I have friends to help me through this. I flipped out on Mo when I should've just told her Jamel wasn't the one for her. He was just a dick that wanted to see how long it took before she fell for him. If this was really just a game to him, making women fall for him, it didn't take much for me. I lost before I even had any idea what was going on. I'm still just a stupid weak little girl. 

I fell for this devil of a man and told him things that I couldn't even tell my friends. I thought he understood me. I thought he...I thought wrong. I chose wrong and now my life is over. I chose him before I chose my friends. Friends. That's not the right word. Friends are those you feel the most comfortable with. Friends are the people you trust with your life. I couldn't even trust them with the truth. Maybe it's not them. Maybe it's me. It's always been me.

While the liquor and sadness coursed through my body images of my life before floated across my brain. I was never like this you know. Crying and feeling sorry for myself wasn't who I was back in the day. Fear didn't know me. I was popular in high school. Everyone wanted to be or know me. Everyone except Monique and I think that's what really started our friendship. Even though she was quiet and self-conscious she was trill as hell. But to be honest, the real reason anyone paid attention to her was because she was close with Zy. Even though he was in jail most of our high school career he was something serious. And I wasn't exempted from the hoard of bitches who wanted him. 

But I did end up liking her and we became actual friends for a while. She was the only person who believed in my dreams of becoming an actress/model. She encouraged me to follow my dreams. I went to UCLA for the fine arts program. My parents didn't approve of my plan to become an actress so I had to lie about my major. 

I made lots of friends while in school. The popularity I had in high school didn't diminish at all when I went to college. I let it go to my head and eventually forgot the one person who really believed in me and supported my dreams. Life was good for me. Until him. This well known football player who everyone knew was going to make it big one day started feeling for me. 

Couldn't tell my dumb ass anything. I could have sworn I was in love with this boy. I thought he was my soul mate. I thought we'd be the power couple of the campus. Popular athlete with the next top model and number one wanted actress. I dreamed big. We were only just kicking it but if you asked me I would say we were together. We went to this frat party together and I got a little too wasted. At first we were just fooling around but he got pushy and I was telling him to chill. 

He wouldn't take no for an answer and not only did he rape me but he got his friends to run a train on me. It was painful and humiliating. He even went a step further and recorded the whole thing and shared it on this secret chat website most of the student body used. Those 'friends' I thought I had just laughed and called me a slut. Everyone said I wanted it. It got better when the school decided to expel me for indecent behavior. Me! Not the guys that were involved, not the guy that uploaded the video, not the guy that initiated the rape, but me. The little girl who was probably one hundred and twenty-five pounds soaking wet, wanted to be held down by grown ass athletes. The girl was screaming for help, crying, bleeding, wasn't raped. She wanted it. 

When I went home all I wanted was my parents. I wanted someone who would believe me and tell me it's alright. Someone who would help me get the justice I deserved. But what did I come home to? The same bullshit. They didn't believe me either. They called me a slut, a disgrace to their 'good' name, and kicked me out on the streets. 

I started stripping and fucking around to support myself. I was an alcoholic, I did drugs, I really did become a hoe. I was living a dangerous life and didn't care what happened. No one cared about me so why should I care about myself? I fell far into the darkness that I sure I wasn't going to come out of.

Then a few years ago, I ran into Monique. She was actually happy to see me and was glad to see I was okay. She was telling me about this great life she lived with great friends. I was jealous her life turned out so different from mine. But when she told me she was still looking for me in movies I knew she still supported me even when we stopped talking. Someone did care and support me. And for the first time ever, I didn't want to disappoint someone. 

That's when I started lying. I said I focused more on modeling than acting. I still stripped all the way up to a few months ago when I met Jamel. He knew exactly what to say to get me to fall for him. He said he saw more in me than a drugged out stripper. He saw actual potential in me being someone great. It wasn't until I fell in love with him that I actually tried turning my lies into the truth. I started back modeling to get my name out there. I told him everything just for him to stab me in the back. Why? Why is it that every guy I give a chance to ends up betraying me? Is it that easy?

I took another long swig of the bottle as the depressing thoughts grew louder. It had been so long since I drank this much but it was still as easy as ever. I stared at myself as I sat in front of the mirror. I wasn't looking at the Keisha from a few weeks ago. The girl was so full of life after years of darkness. This girl was depressing Keisha. The girl from those dark days. Skin pale, hair a mess, eyes filled with nothing. 

"You're stupid," she said. "Did you really think this little charade would last? Did you think you deserve a good life? That's not you. That'll never be you. Take a look at what you really are." Visions of the past played against the mirror like a movie. My days as a stripper flashed across the screen. The times I let two, three, four guys hit at once because what the hell right? The times I snorted a line and drank an entire bottle of Hennessy at once. Partying hard and playing harder. Being dumped off at the front of a hospital because I took too many pills. "What Monique saw in you was a lie. You will never be anything but a drugged out whore." Her cold arms wrapped around me. "She's not your friend. I'm your friend. I'm all that you have and will have. No one will care about you once they've seen the real you. You're stupid to even think Jamel would have wanted you knowing everything he did. You're worthless. Trash. The scum of the earth. You don't deserve happiness."

I felt the tears choking me as my throat clogged up. The pain I felt over the years were hitting me harder and harder. It was agonizing and I knew alcohol wouldn't be enough to fix it. 

"You know where it is," she said. I got up on wobbly feet and slowly made my way to the bathroom. She was sitting on the tub with coke all around her nose. Her eyes dilated and soulless. She smiled evilly at me. "Come on Keisha. This you is so much more fun. You know you miss it. The days where pain no longer touched us. Where it was endless days of fun." I went to the medicine cabinet and grabbed the pain medicine. "You think killing yourself will solve your problems? No one will miss you you know. What are you trying to prove?" 

"I will never be you," I whispered as I un-screwed the top. I dumped however many pills out and downed them all with the alcohol. "Not again. Never again. This pain will go with me." I turned to look at her. My vision was blurry and I could barely stand up. "I will never be you!"

I heard her chuckle. "You will. Because unlike everyone else. I know you. The real you. Who do you think I am?" I swayed too far right and ended crashing to the floor. The pain I felt was finally being lifted. I could finally fall apart into bliss darkness. 

Decided to give you guys a little darker chapter. Tell me what you think.