Personal Chef

Chapter 25

I took a bite of the enchilada. It burned the roof of my mouth, but I hardly noticed. My mind was racing as I tried to sort out what I wanted to say as I chewed and swallowed it.

"I'm going to be honest with you, but you have to promise to not hold anything against me or let it change our professional relationship. And you need to be honest with me, too," I started.

Shawn just nodded.

"I wanted you to kiss me that night. I also wanted to have sex. It broke my heart a little that you stopped things so abruptly when you found out I was a virgin."

He ran a hand through his curls. "I told you before, it wasn't that I didn't want you. I just didn't want your first time to be like that. We'd been drinking! Plus I thought you were trying to get over Ben."

I gave him a hard look. "We weren't that drunk. We knew what we were doing. I wanted to do it, and I wanted it to be with you. Ben wasn't part of the equation. I know now that it's probably for the best that we didn't have sex, but you asked if I wanted you and I'm telling you I did. And yes I'd thought of it before that night and I've thought of it since."

It felt surprisingly good to get that off my chest. I could tell Shawn was fighting to keep a huge smile from taking over his face.

"Are we talking lust here? Or more?" he asked.

I was feeling vulnerable after sharing so much. It was his turn.

"How about you answer that one since I just opened myself up with the last question," I suggested.

Shawn set his fork down and reached both hands across the table, palms up. I placed mine in his, because it was clear that's what he wanted me to do.

"Chels, I like you. A lot. And I've liked you for a long time. Fuck, I was dating Kat and thinking of you constantly. You were with Ben, so I tried to fight how I felt."

My heart was beating rapidly in my chest. I squeezed his hands, urging him to continue.

"Kat and I broke up and I knew it was for the best. Then you and Ben broke up and suddenly we became a possibility. Drinking definitely gave me the courage to make the move I'd been dreaming about for months. Being with you that way was so incredible and better than I'd imagined. I don't think I'd ever wanted a woman more than I wanted you that night."

"But you stopped us from having sex," I said.

"I was totally thrown off guard by you being a virgin. My feelings for you were so strong. I wanted your first time to be really special. We needed to be sober for it to be perfect for you."

My heart was flooded with a warm soft feeling from his words. He'd stopped because he cared about me. Because he liked me.

"Thank you," I whispered.

Shawn continued, "I wanted to try to make it right the next morning. I hoped maybe we could make a go of things, but you wouldn't even talk to me. It was clear you regretted what had happened. You said it was a mistake."

"I'm sorry. I thought you didn't want me, so I convinced myself we'd acted foolishly."

He smiled at me. "I'm sorry, too. I should have just told you how I felt. And I never should have gotten back with Kat. That was the stupidest thing I've ever done."

Shaking my head, I said, "I get why you did it. Kat was familiar and you knew how she felt about you. It's only natural you'd turn to her if you thought we didn't have a chance."

"Why are you so understanding?" he asked with a grin.

"It's easy to be understanding when you're sitting across from me, holding my hands, telling me you like me."