Personal Chef

Chapter 56

I pulled Shawn into my arms and held him while he cried. As I rubbed his back, I wasn't sure what to say to make him feel better. I just couldn't fathom the pain he was in. After a few minutes, he tried to compose himself by straightening up and taking a couple deep breaths.

"Do you want to talk about it?" I asked.

"Yes. I really need someone right now, so I came here straight from the airport. My parents don't even know yet. My family came to LA for a few days to meet the baby, but they left before I found out."

I was touched that despite our struggles, he'd turned to me when he needed a friend most.

"We can stay here, or we can walk to my apartment. Where would you be more comfortable?"

"Do you mind if we go to your place?" he asked. "I know things were weird last time I was there."

I smiled. "I just offered, didn't I? Let's go."

As we walked to my apartment, I tried to wrap my head around his news. When Kat first sprung her pregnancy on us, I knew her lying was a possibility and hoped it was the case. As time went on, I'd grown to accept that the baby was Shawn's. He was just so confident in the paternity that I believed it. And then when I saw baby Jayce, I thought for sure he was Shawn's son. He looked so much like him!

I also tried to figure out how I felt about this development. Honestly, all I was feeling right now was sympathy for Shawn, who was clearly heartbroken. A few months ago, I would have been thrilled to learn Kat had lied. Given how much Shawn loved the baby, I couldn't take joy in what was causing him pain. His excitement about fatherhood had moved me.

Once we got inside my tiny apartment and hung up our coats, I put on a kettle for tea. Shawn took a seat on my couch and buried his head in his hands. As the tea brewed, I sat next to him and put an arm around his shoulders. When the tea was ready, I got us each a cup and brought it to the coffee table. Shawn sat up and took a couple sips.

"So what happened?" I asked.

He turned towards me, and I almost had to look away because his eyes had dark circles under them and were red-rimmed from crying. I couldn't stand to see him suffering like this.

"Everything was going fine. My family had just visited, Kat was feeling pretty good after her c-section, and I was crazy about Jayce," he said before stopping, apparently unable to go on. He just stared down at the floor for a bit.

"And then you got the paternity test results?" I said softly.

"No. We hadn't done the tests," he said. He then paused. "Do you want me to be honest about stuff, like my relationship with Kat?"

I bristled slightly but pushed any negative feelings down. "At this point I think it's fine to be totally honest."

I meant this. I'd known something was going on between him and Kat. It was time I heard exactly what.

"Kat and I were trying to make a relationship work. It wasn't going great, though. She knew she wasn't the love of my life and fluctuated between trying to get me to love her and hating me for not being able to give her what she wanted," he said.

"That sounds pretty terrible. Why even try?"

"She said the baby needed us to be a family and I agreed. This sounds horrible, but I figured that if I couldn't have you, I should try to get back the happiness I once had with Kat."

It sounded especially horrible for Kat. I couldn't imagine being someone's second choice. It bothered me that Shawn would even attempt to be with someone he didn't love, but the urge to do what was best for their baby must have made it seem rational. I hated that I also felt jealousy. I knew that trying to have a relationship meant that they were involved sexually. I'd suspected this, but knowing that he'd been with her that way, probably frequently over the last couple months, was like a dagger to my heart. Again, I chose not to dwell on how I felt because what mattered right now was Shawn.