Personal Chef

Chapter 98

Shawn was still gone after lunch. Being in the condo, knowing that he'd left in anger, was more than I could handle.

Me: Are you going home after your shift? Can I come over?

Paige👑: I'll be home in ten and of course.

I fed and changed Cady, put her in the car seat, and grabbed the diaper bag. We took the elevator down to the garage level and I got her situated in the seat behind me before pulling out onto the street. It was still snowing, but the roads were not bad. The trip to Paige's was quick, and soon I was knocking at her door.

"It's my two favorite people!" she said as she greeted me with a smile.

I got Cady out of the carrier and Paige took her from me, giving her kisses as the baby giggled.

"So what's going on?" she asked me after we sat down on her couch.

"Several things. I don't know which to start with, though," I said.

"I'm guessing this has to do with the problems you and Shawn are having. When did they start?"

I took a deep breath. "I guess they started when Cady was six weeks old and I was told we could have sex again."

Paige nodded, encouraging me to continue.

"I tore really badly because the delivery was so fast, and I wasn't ready to have sex right away."

"Shawn didn't push you, did he?" she asked, frowning.

"No! He'd never do that. He was patient, but of course he wanted that part of our relationship back," I assured her.

"Go on."

"Time passed and physically I was okay to do it. But I didn't want to. Paige, I still don't want to. It's like my sex drive disappeared completely when I had the baby!"

I grabbed a tissue off the coffee table and dabbed at my eyes. I couldn't help but cry when talking about this.

"How's Shawn handling this change?" she asked.

"He has no idea that it's this bad. He thinks that it's all about how tired I am and because of the baby weight. How do you tell your husband that sex sucks for you now? I'm worried he's starting to think there's more to it and that I've permanently changed."

"So you don't have sex at all?"

I shook my head. "No. We do, but not as frequently as we used to. We have to use lube because I'm dry, and I can't have an orgasm anymore. He thinks I do, though."

Paige scowled at me. "You're faking orgasms?"

The way she said it made me feel terrible.

"Only to make him happy. I want him to think I'm enjoying it!"

"Chelsea, I'm not going to pull punches here. You're my best friend and you need to hear this. Faking orgasms is lying. You are deceiving Shawn every time you do it, and that's wrong. If you aren't getting satisfaction from sex, you need to talk to him about it and tell him how you feel. You're only making things worse by pretending you are satisfied."

I knew she was right, but she wasn't in my shoes. I loved my husband so much and I'd do anything to make him feel good.

"He knows my sex drive has changed a little. That's clear. I don't see what there is to talk about," I said a bit defensively.

"What does your doctor say about this?" she asked.

"I haven't talked to her. I have my six month postpartum check-up on Friday. I guess I can ask her if this is normal."