Hidden: Strings of Fate

CHAPTER 59

Jun Gi's P.O.V

I stood there in silence. Tears were falling from eyes. My heart was breaking. She was hurting me every time she was cruel and cold to me. Why couldn't she see it? I'd give anything for her to see how she affects me. But she's blinded. Blinded by her hatred for my brother... and for me. I never want to do this. I never wanted to hurt her. Not her. Anyone but her.

I had to get out of there. I couldn't let her see me fall apart. I grabbed my shirt and yanked it on as I fled out of the room. "It was a mistake coming here. I should have stayed in England." I muttered to myself.

"Goodbye Min. Tell Honey that I'll be on the first flight back to England as soon as possible. She won't need to see me off." I headed towards the apartment and slammed it shut behind me. I started to chastise myself. I walked towards the lift with my hands in pocket.

'Jun Gi, why did you do this?! You idiot...! Why did you ruin everything? Why didn't you just tell her as soon as you found out about him? He didn't DESERVE her. She's a JEWEL and HE USED HER and DISCARDED HER when HE DIDN'T NEED HER ANYMORE. AND YOU DID...NOTHING. YOU LET ALL THIS HAPPEN! IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT!!!'

I got a hand out and pressed the lift button. The hand slid back into my pocket. My heart was bleeding out through my eyes. I went quietly. I need to get away from her. I was no good for her. The pitter patter of footsteps behind me distracted me from my thought. They sounded like they were running. They were getting closer. I turned my head slightly to see who it was. It was her... she came after me. I felt a sense of relief. Soon though it was followed by dread, regret and sadness. Why had she come? Did she like seeing me unhappy? The lift came and I got in. She followed me.

The doors closed. We stood there in silence. We faced the front. I could see her taking glances at me. She turned me to face her. I didn't look at her. I couldn't. I just couldn't bring myself to look at her. She grabbed my forearm. My heart started to go crazy. I could hear my loud heart beat. She turned me to face her. 'No! Honey, get away from me. Go far away so that I can't hurt you...' I tried to yank my arm out of her hand but I failed. Our eyes connected. My amber ones to her hazel ones... They were mesmerising. I stared shamelessly at her abyss. I turned my back towards her. I was afraid to look at her. I was afraid to show her my vulnerability. I was afraid that I'd look like a coward in her eyes.

"Jun Gi, look at me." She said, gently. I said nothing. I couldn't. Just stood there in silence.

She suddenly came in front of me and slammed the emergency stop button. "Jun Gi, look at me," she repeated. I still said nothing, I was stood there with my head down. I was ashamed. Ashamed of loving her. I had no right. I started to fiddling with the ring on my finger. I remember the ring. I remember the face I made when I first saw it. It was a promise ring. A promise we made to each other when we were young. That we'd never be apart and we'd never let anything come between us and we'd never hurt each other. I don't know if she still wears hers. I don't know if it meant something to her. That time. But all I know is that it was special... because it meant something to me... but... I guess there's no need to keep this ring. After all I've already broken that promise...

"Kim. Jun. Gi. Look. At Me." I flinched at her sudden change in tone. She was scary when she got angry. I carefully calculated my decision and turned around after a few seconds. I still kept my head down. She lifted my head and pulled me into an embrace. My silent tears fell again.

Honey, why do you do this to me? What did I do to deserve this much pain from you...? Why are you torturing me? You're the only one who can look at me with those eyes and put me through pain at the same time.

How could she do this? Would she forgive me after what I had done? How could she still be kind and considerate to this cruel man who had stolen a kiss from her?

"How long are you going to keep on running?" She mumbled into his neck. I didn't speak. I didn't know what to say. She looked at me, her hands still wrapped around my neck. I wanted to scream in protest.

"I don't want to run anymore, Honey." Tears began to fall from my eyes."I'm tired, Honey. I'm tired of fight them. I'm tired of denying them. I don't want to do this anymore," I put the last of my defence down. I had no more protection left against her. I was defenceless. "It hurts... It hurts every time I see you. Every time I hear your name. Do you know how lost and afraid I was after I had you left England? Left me?!" I yelled, in anger. I felt like I had been stabbed, shot, cut, beaten, burned and gouged at all at once, when I found out that she had left.

She bit her lower lip. 'Don't do that, Honey. I barely holding on.' She smiled softly as she wiped my tears. She held my cheeks in her hands. 'Don't...' I wrapped my hands around hers and kissed her palms. My heart started to flutter at her touch. My stomach had butterflies. I hadn't felt like this in a long time.

"Then don't... Don't do it anymore. Don't let me leave you again. Stop me, Jun. Stop running away. Stop denying them." She gave me her approval.

"I-I-I wish I could. I'm a coward. I could never tell you with my own mouth that I-I-I..." I started to tear up again.

"Shhh... Jun..." she held me in her arms. Her loving, warm, captivating arms.

"I-I-I'm... afraid, Honey. Afraid of hurting you and messing up. You're worth too much to me. I don't think I could live with myself if anything happened to you because of me..." 'More than you know Honey. You're the reason why I'm still breathing. If it wasn't for you, I wouldn't have been here.' I added in my head. "That's why I decided that I could never tell you the truth about my feelings... I would rather have you as a life long friend than hurt... you... I'm scared I'll hurt you and scar you... like him and this time you won't be able to run away or hide." I admitted.

"Jun Gi. You used to be my best friend. If you don't tell me the truth, then who will?"

"Honey... it's not easy..." I had so many conflicted feelings. It felt like I was being ripped into so many pieces.

"Jun Gi... you're not him... You're NOT Kim Jun Seo," she said with determination.