Hidden: Strings of Fate

CHAPTER 57

Unknown P.O.V

What? Why?! What just happened? Why did he do that to her? Is it because she was happy with us? With me? She doesn't belong to him. I want to rip him apart. How dare he touch her like that!? What right does he have? She was talking to us... to me. She was here. She was happy. And then... he came... and he took her. I hate him. I hated him from the moment I saw him. Why does he live with her? Why doesn't he move out already? I'd feel better if he did. Maybe I wouldn't be feeling like this. Like I'm on edge.

What is this feeling? It's not one I'm familiar with. I don't know what this feeling is. I've been feeling it for so long. It makes me feel nervous sometimes, anxious even to just be around her but at the same time, I feel protected, calm and at peace. It's a scary feeling but also a good feeling.

All I know is that... it hurts. My heart... hurts. It hurts to just be in the same room as her. You know, sometimes I feel like I'm being pulled in so many ways and I feel like just breaking down and giving up on everything but then she appears... She, who is my guardian angel. She, who grounds me. She, who make me feel loved, appreciated, needed, wanted. My saviour. The one who saved me from plunging into eternal darkness. She's like a dream come true to me.

I felt like I was alone in the world. That no-one would be there for me no matter how much I begged or cried for help. But somehow, I was OK. Because I knew that one day... One day, I wouldn't be in pain anymore. Because she came when I was at my lowest. She came... she came towards find me. My angel. She came and made me realise that I'm not alone in the world. That I have a need. That I can bring joy to people. That I have the love and respect of so many people. My Starlights. I have a purpose for them. I can't give up for them. No matter how hard it gets. No matter how tired I get. No matter how much pain I'm in. I'll still go to the end for them... for my members... and for her.

She made me realise that there is still some good left in the world. And that if I keep that good near me that I don't have to fear anything. She made me feel safe again... and... I don't want to lose that feeling. I don't want to lose her. Not now, not ever. If I lose her, I feel like my heart will shatter into a million pieces. What will be the point of me existing if she is no longer here...?

I wish... I could hold her and keep her with me all the time just so that I know that she's safe and healthy. I wish I could hear our hearts beat as one. Like everything in the universe is saying that we belong together. I wish I could bury myself in her scent and keep her hidden from the world. Make her all mine so that no-one else could mark her. I wish I could hold her in my arms and tell her that everything will be alright. I wish I could be the one she confides in. I wish... I just wish that I could be somebody to her. That's not me being selfish is it? I wish I wasn't so cowardly. I wish I could just tell her, show her how I feel. I want her to know that she can depend on me too. I just want to shower her how much she is loved by me.

But... I'm afraid. I'm afraid that she'll reject me. Afraid that I won't be able to see her again. Afraid that she'll leave me. Afraid that she won't see me in the same light again. That I'll end up being that person who has a "crush" on her and makes her feel awkward.

No, I can't. I can't lose her. I just can't. I'd lose a part of myself. I can't... I just can't. I can't tell her the truth. She'll leave me if I do. I'll do it. I'll let myself go. I'll let my feelings go. What use are they anyway? They bring you nothing but trouble.

I mean, it's not normal is it? To be thinking of someone all the time? To wonder if they're happy? To worry if they've had time to eat? To worry that they're not overworking themselves and looking after their health? She makes me want to protect her from all the dangers of the world. She makes me want to protect her like I would my family, myself. I want to show her how much she means to me. I want to display her to the whole world and tell them that she is mine. That she belongs to me. And I belong to her. That we are each others.

I deserve happiness, don't I? I deserve someone who's loyal. Someone who gives respect and gets respect back. I deserve someone who will love me and only me. So why... why can't I have her? Why does she only love him? Is fate really cruel to have intertwined us like this? Did fate really want me just.. be able to look at her from afar and not want to touch her?

But... I can see it in her eyes. Her body language. She may not say it. She may not realise. But I do. I see it. Every time she smiled at him, I feel like I'm being scorched. Every time, she looks at him with those mysterious eyes, with care and love in them. I feel like I'm being sucked it to a eternal darkness. She loves him. She wants to be with HIM. Him who treats her so cold. Who she left to come to me. Him who she supposedly hated the sight of.

Why does she torture me like this? Why does my heart ache for her? What is she to me? How did she bewitch me? But for her... I'll gladly go through it. If it means that she stays here beside me, I'll go through the torture for the rest of my life... I'll become a prisoner. I'll fold my feelings and declare you as my prosecutor. I'll become a devoted shadow. You won't see me. You won't hear me. I'll be good. I promise. Just... don't leave me... please.

She lights up the darkness that I'm in... but I can't reach her. Because I'm afraid that if I touch her, then she'll break. That she'll become disgusted by the way I am. I'd give everything to her. I wouldn't look at anyone's else. I'd give up every thing to be with her... even if I have to give my soul up to the devil himself... just for a little moment in time where she looks at me... only me.

Her smile is the reason for mine. She's honest and pure. And... she always tell the truth. No matter how hurtful it is.

She is the opposite of me. A liar who is filled with impurity. Someone who's selfish and is stubborn. Someone who can't even admit how they feel. A coward. I'm such a coward... she makes me a coward. She makes me hesitate. She makes me question myself. I... I can't... I don't want to be alone anymore...

And who is this wonderful person that tortures me, you ask?

Its none other than her.....

Honey... My love. The reason for my existence.