The Rivalry (Lost Memories)

Kabanata 15

Future

"Mommy."  Malambing na tawag saakin ni AA.

His soft bambi eyes decorated with long eyelashes were flickering slowly while he was trying to get my attention.

I know. I promise him this. A quality time away from work but how can I forget my responsibilities if my sole reason to this is for him and for his future.

"15 more minutes baby. It's almost done." Saad ko habang nakatingin sa monitor ng laptop na kaharap ko. Malapit na ito matapos magdownload ng file na kailangan sa presentation.

Plinano ko talaga itong tapusin bago ang bakasyon naming mag-ina ngunit dahil nagka-aberya, kinailangan kong bitbitin ito rito.

"But.. but.. You promised me that it's you and me time for my birthday." Malungkot niyang sabi habang inalis ang salbabidang nakasuot sakanya. Kanina pa ito ready magswimming ngunit ayaw lumusong na hindi ako kasama.

Umupo siya sa tabi ko at humalukipkip na akala mo ay isang matanda ng lalake na naagawan ng candy. His serious face reminds me of his father. The way they resembles each other on both physique and character made me happy and hurt at the same time. Para kong nakikita ang pagkabata ng ama nito sakanya. Every inch of AA's features is shouting his root. It's very dominant but soft.

Nang makita ko na ang 'complete' ay mabilisan kong niligpit ang gamit. I lean closer to my son who just turned 5 today. He looked at me with teary eyes as I started brushing his hair using my finger nails. Parang kinurot ang puso habang pinagmamasdan siya. Isa na ang mga oras na pinagkait ko sakanya para lamang mabigyan siya ng maayos na buhay na tinatamasa namin ngayon. 

I know, I am selfish on some sort. Hindi ako humingi ng tulong kanino man maging sa pamilya ko. Ayaw kong maging patapon na ina. Hindi ko gugustuhin maging pabigat sa kahit sino kaya inahon ko ang sarili mula sa lugmok na nakaran para sa aking anak.Sumadsad man ako sa putik ng ilang ulit, hindi ito matutumbasan ang kaliyahan na natamasa ko ng mahawakan ko sa aking bisig si Andreius. He is my only treasure. My salvation on this world full of pains. I was saved as human by being a mother to him. I never knew what true love really means until I have him. 

He immediately hugged me and started sobbing all of a sudden on my chest. How did I raised a very loving boy alone? I dont know. Am I a good mother? Maybe pero hindi ko masasabing diretso na oo dahil higit sa daliri pa sa daliri ang pagkukulang ko sa kanya kung bibilangin ko isa-isa. 

"Do you hate mommy?" I asked him while stroking his back. 

My poor child mumbling no on repeat while sobbing. Lumuhod ako sa harap niya para makita ko ng maayos ang mukha ng gwapong kong anak. Pulang pula ito kaya naman tinulungan ko siyang magpunas ng luha. Hindi naman siya sa nagprotesta sa aking ginawa dahil kadalasan ayaw na niyang tinuturing ko siyang baby dahil matanda na daw ito. Hindi ko minsan mawari kung bakit ganito mag-isip ang mga bata ngayon. 

''Then why are you crying?" 

"I am just..just..sad but I dont hate you." abot abot niya ang kanyang hininga habang sumasagot. 

Hinila ko ito at niyakap ng mahigpit. He rested his face on my shoulder and started stroking my back using his small hands. I giggled at his sweet thoughtful gestures. My boy is not so a baby anymore. 

I started shedding tears but when I saw the group of people who are coming toward us, my heart leap. Actually, this is the promise I am planning for ever since this year starts. Alam kong ito rin ang makakapagpasaya sa anak ko. I will fullfill all my promises even how hard it takes just for my child to feel completely happy. This is my first step.

Humiwalay ako sa kanya at hinirap ko uli siya ng maayos saakin. Hiniwakan ko ang magkabilan niyang balikat para mapirmi ang atensyon niya saakin. With a very tired look on his face while wiping his eyes, his cute tiny whiskers shows as he smiles.