OVER AND OVER AGAIN (LBS#1)

Chapter 4

You cannot win in a war without the determination to win and without the things you need to protect yourself. Your gun should be loaded with bullets. The bombs should function right. The knives should have a very sharp end. You should be physically strong. You should learn how to fight emotionally and physically.
But there's this kind of war where you ask yourself if you can do it...if you can survive. The kind of war where you question your abilities to fight.

Tulad ngayon, natatanong ko sa sarili ko kung makakaya ko pa ba. Hindi ko mapigilang itanong sa sarili ko kung kakayanin ko pa ba.
Of course, you can do it. Kaya pa 'yan, Cresandria. Hindi ka pa nga nagsisimula diba? Hindi ka pa nakakapag simula kaya hahanap ka na rin ng paraan para simulan ang bagay na gusto mong gawin.

I don't want to break Nathaniel's relationship with Wella Cordova. I also don't want to be a relationship intruder. I don't want to be a relationship-wrecker.

Gusto kong mapunta si Nathaniel sa akin sa tamang paraan. Ayokong mang-agaw. No. Ayoko talaga. I may look desperate to be with him, to touch him, to show him how much I love him...but I also know my limits. Kailangan kong maghintay. I should be patient.
Hindi nadadaan sa madalian ang lahat ng bagay. Kung gusto mong maging maganda ang resulta ng isang bagay, dapat alam mo kung paano maghintay. Gaya ng sabi ko, hindi magiging solusyon ang pagmamadali sa isang bagay.

Agad na natapos ang aking tinugtog sa aming piano dito sa may living room sa huling tipa ko.
I sighed and remembered the first time I played piano. Pakiramdam ko talaga ay naka-connect agad ang puso ko sa instrumentong 'to. Hindi ko madescribe ang nararamdaman ko sa tuwing nagpa-piano ako. Pakiramdam ko lahat ng parte sa sistema ko ay sinisigaw ang pangangailangan ko dito. Na hindi ko kayang mawala sa buhay ko ang isang 'to. I started attending my piano lesson when I was 5 years old. My teacher taught me about the do re mi and all of the basic songs that I could play.

Without a doubt, I enjoyed it. That's why I continued playing Piano. It makes me happy. It's already part of my life and I won't deny it.

Naalala ko pa ang napakalapad na ngiti sa labi ng aking ama noong una kong recital. He was the first person in the audience who stood up and clapped his hands with his proud face and happy smile. No. There's no forgetting...

Maaalala mo talaga 'yong mga bagay na sobrang liit lang na rason para sa iba na maging masaya ka tungkol doon, pero sobrang laki naman na bagay 'yon para sa akin. You won't understand unless we're on the same shoes.

"It's a nice piece, Ate." Nabigla ako nang mag lapag ng isang baso ng gatas ang aking kapatid na si Yno sa mas ibabaw ng grand piano.

I looked at him, puzzled.
"Uh, yeah. It is indeed a nice piece..." napatango-tango kong sabi.

My brother smiled at me.

"And it suits you..." he trailed off as his small fingers clicked the tiles softly while his eyes are closed.
"...you got that beautiful face while you are playing." He added and a snort came out from me. What is he up to?

"What do you want, Yno?" Natatawa kong tanong.

He glared at me like I'm the most disrespectful human in this world.
"I gave some compliments." He clearly said, like a very intelligent old man. "Some people give compliments freely. When I say freely, hindi ka na manghihingi ng kapalit. Naiintindihan mo ba ang pinupunto ko, Ate?" Nanliliit ang mga mata niyang tanong sa akin.

Oh, shiz! Damn it... mukhang magde-debate lang kami kung patatagalin ko pa itong pag-uusap namin. As you can see, my intelligent brother won't let this topic pass without finishing this topic with me.
"You know, Yno..."