Tales From The Broken {COMPLETE}

Squirreltail's Darkness -Chapter 1-

"I still can't see anything." Squirreltail mewed sadly, she flattened her ears. "I think it's just time to accept that I'll never be able to see again." When Squirreltail had first started opening her eyes again, everything had been a blur but now everything was just one solid color.

Pebblestep sighed sadly. "I'm so sorry, Squirreltail." The medicine cat sounded and guilty and defeated. "I did everything I could, but the embers got into your eyes. There was nothing more I could do."

Squirreltail sighed, closing her eyes and resting her chin on her paws. "It's alright, Pebblestep, I know you did. I just don't know what to do now. I can't hunt, I can't fight, what else am I supposed to do?"

"I don't know, but like Dawnstar said: we will figure something out." Squirreltail heard Pebblestep's pawsteps walking away from her. Squirreltail just nodded, she only knew two lives in this world, how to be a warrior and how to be a mother. She no longer belonged in the nursery now that Rosepaw was an apprentice.

"I'm going to let you rest, do you want me to tell Rosepaw and Brackenpelt or do you want to tell them yourself?" Pebblestep questioned.

"You can tell them." Squirreltail mewed quietly. "I'll talk to them about it later." She didn't want to open her eyes, trying to refuse the fact that she would never be able to see anything again. She would never be able to see Brackenpelt's calming, warm amber eyes. She would never be able to see the beautiful sparkle in Rosepaw's eyes everytime she caught a big piece of prey.

Squirreltail felt a dark depression weighing in on her chest. How can I live like this? What could I possibly provide for my Clan like this? She buried her nose in her paws. I'm useless, I have nothing anymore.

Squirreltail could hear heavy pawsteps approaching her, her ears twitching. "You awake?" Brackenpelt's gentle voice filled the air, Squirreltail could also smell Rosepaw's scent.

"Yeah." Squirreltail replied, opening her eyes to see only more darkness.

"Pebblestep told us." Brackenpelt and Rosepaw approached, Squirreltail felt Brackenpelt sit down beside her as he began rasping his tongue over her ears. His presence alone was enough to make her feel better. "I'm so sorry that this happened to you."

"It can't be changed." Squirreltail muttered quietly. "I just have to figure out what I'm supposed to do now. I can't hunt or fight, I'm a warrior who can't do any warrior duties." Brackenpelt let out a saddened sigh.

"Maybe you should talk to Hawktalon." Brackenpelt suggested. "He lost his sight as a warrior too, maybe he could give you some advice."

"Maybe." Squirreltail sighed. "I'll have to think about it."

"No matter what happens, Squirreltail." Brackenpelt rested his muzzle on Squirreltail's head. She closed her eyes, breathing in his comforting scent. "We will be right here for you, always."

"Thank you." Squirreltail's voice trembled as she tried to stay calm. I wish they didn't have to see me like this.

Squirreltail laid with her mate and daughter for a long time, enjoying their warmth, words and scent. At least I still have that. She reminded herself. As long as I have them, I won't be lost.

Eventually, Brackenpelt and Rosepaw had duties to attend to, leaving Squirreltail alone in the medicine cat den with Pebblestep. She wanted to do something, instead of feeling like a useless lump of fur. Gathering her strength, Squirreltail stood up.

"Oh," Pebblestep mewed once Squirreltail stood up. "What are you doing? Do you need help."

"I'm going to go talk to Hawktalon." Squirreltail mewed. "And no, I can do to this myself. I have to learn how to navigate camp blind eventually, might as well start now." She took a deep breath, all she could smell was herbs. She focused on the world around her, trying to judge where she was.

She could hear the voices of her Clanmates outside the den and she felt the gentle breeze on her pelt. The entrance is that way. Squirreltail took a deep breath and began heading towards the entrance. She took slow paw steps, making she wasn't going to trip over anything.

She found the entrance of the den and stepped out into the fresh-air, it felt nice to breath the scent of the forest instead of the suffocating scent of herbs, but now she felt lost. Come on, Squirreltail! She scolded herself. You've lived here your entire life! You can find the elder's den.

Squirreltail formed a picture of SunClan camp in her mind, she was at the medicine cat den so all she all had to was turn left and walk forward. I got this. She told herself and began turning left, trying to scent for Clanmates.

"Squirreltail!" A voice interrupted her focus, she recognized it as Rustpelt, she could also scent Redclaw nearby. "You're out and about! That's so wonderful." She heard her brother and father approaching her.

"Yeah." She nodded, unable to turn and look at them. "I'm going to talk to Hawktalon," She heard a paw shift, as if one of them was stepping towards her. "And no, I don't need any help. I'm doing just fine." She left them behind, continuing with her trip towards the elder's den.
Squirreltail knew she was approaching the elder's den, she could smell Hawktalon's and Nightwing's scent from where she stood, but she wasn't sure how far away she was. "Squirreltail?"

She heard Nightwing's mew and breathed a sigh of relief. "What are you doing over here?"

"I want to talk to Hawktalon, if that's okay." Squirreltail explained, she hoped that the large tabby wasn't sleeping.

"Of course," Squirreltail heard pawsteps grow closer to her. "Let me help you in." Nightwing offered. Squirreltail wanted to complain, but she knew that it would be easier to just go in with help, she didn't want to make herself look like a fool.

Nightwing brushed up against Squirreltail and walked her into the elder's den. "Watch your head." Nightwing instructed and Squirreltail lowered her head as they stepped into the den.

"Good evening, Squirreltail." Hawktalon spoke from his nest. "What brings you to our little den?"

"I want to talk to you." She mewed, sitting down. She heard Nightwing settle into her nest beside Hawktalon. "I'm sure you've heard, but Pebblestep isn't going to be able to restore my vision." She lowered her head. "And I don't really know what to do."

"Well," She heard the rustling of moss and bracken as Hawktalon shifted. "There's not much you can do but learn to live with it. I know that it's going to be a struggle, trust me. It's hard to picture a world that you can't see."

"How did you do it?" Squirreltail questioned painfully. "How did you learn to live without your sight?"

"I retired as soon as it happened, but I don't think that's what you want. You're still young, your daughter isn't even a warrior yet. You are a beautiful, young and spry young she-cat. Your place doesn't belong in the elder's den, not yet anyway." Hawktalon sighed. "It was really hard at first, I couldn't see my kits or Nightwing anymore. I couldn't see the sun or the beautiful forest. There was a moment in my life where I was incredibly depressed."

"How did you get past that? You seem so happy now." Squirreltail just wanted to know how to be happy, how to live with this darkness.

"I focused on what I could do rather than what I couldn't. I couldn't see Nightwing, but I could still smell her. I could smell her sweet scent, which is something I held onto. I couldn't see the sun, but it could feel it on my face. I couldn't see the trees, but I could hear the leaves that shook in the breeze. You have your other senses, and you will learn just how much you love those ones.

"I'm sure Pebblestep could explain the same thing to you, she has no sense of smell. She can't smell herbs, the forest or her loved ones. I imagine it was hard for her to live without the ability to smell."

Squirreltail sighed, she hadn't thought about Pebblestep. She was also blind in one eye, she had never even considered that. "But I still have all these images so fresh in my mind, I don't know if I can handle not being able to see my mate or kit again."

"You can, Squirreltail." Hawktalon assured her, his voice soft. "I promise that you will learn to live with this tragedy, you will learn to love every other sense that you have."

Squirreltail wasn't convinced, she wanted to look at Brackenpelt and Rosepaw every day, how could she let that go? "I guess." She stood up, she didn't want to hear anymore. She wanted to go back to the medicine cat den and hide from everyone, to close her eyes and just endlessly pray to StarClan to bring her vision back.