instagram - shawn mendes / jack gilinsky

f i f t y - s e v e n - r e a l i t y

There was a soft knock at the door. I stood up from my spot on the couch and walked over to the door, taking a deep breath before opening it.

"Hey," Shawn breathed when he saw me. He looked so sad, more sad than I had ever seen him and it killed me to see him like that.

"Come inside," I said, stepping aside so that he could walk by me, then closing the door behind him.

He made his way to the couch and sat down, and I sat across from him. There was a bong on the table, and Shawn glanced at it before looking back at me.

"Are you high?" he asked, clearly trying not to smile.

"A little bit. But please, say what you need to say," I said quietly.

Shawn nodded, more serious now. "I'm so sorry, Nellie. I know you've been really hurt these past few days, but so have I." I parted my lips to say something about how he shouldn't be hurt, but he lifted his hand to quiet me. "Let me say everything first. I have been hurting so much without you. I am in love with you, Nels, and I made a huge mistake. I broke up with you because Island Records texted me and told me I had to because they thought you were distracting me. I promise you that was the only reason I broke up with you. They said if I didn't they would take me off the deal. And it was you or my career, so naturally, I picked my career. But I can't let them control me and the people I love. Currently Andrew is working really hard to let me be with you and stay with Island Records because what they're trying to make me do is really not okay. I swear to you that I love you with every fiber of my being and I never want to let you go. So please, if you can, forgive me for what I've just put you through and please, please, please, be mine again."

I stared at Shawn for a good thirty seconds before I could say anything. "Shawn, I forgive you, of course, but why did you not just tell me that Island was making you do this in the first place instead of letting me believe that you just didn't love me?" I asked, tears in my eyes.

Shawn shook his head. "I should have. But they told me not to tell you that they were making me do that because they didn't want you to spread bad things about the company if I told you that. Not that I thought you would, I was just flustered with the decision and I didn't want to lose the record deal. And I didn't know what was the right thing to do."

I nodded, leaning forward and wrapping my arms around Shawn. He pulled me into his lap and hugged me tighter than he had ever hugged me. "I'm so sorry, baby," he said, his voice muffled as he buried his face in the crook of my neck. "I never want to let you go again. I love you more than anything in the world."

"I love you too, Shawn," I whispered, stroking his hair. "I love you."

I had missed him. His gentle lips on mine, his hands, his smile, and everything that was a part of this perfect being I was in love with.

"Shawn," I whispered as we laid in my bed, cuddled together.

"Yes baby?"

"I need to tell you something."

He sat up so that he could look me in the eyes. "What's up?"

I sat up as well, across from him, fidgeting with my fingers and the bed sheets. "I've known you for multiple months now and I think you should have known this a long time ago." I paused, because I could feel the tears forming in my eyes and I wished that I wouldn't cry. "I'm depressed, and I've had depression my whole life. I take medication for it, and it all around is an awful thing to feel. I didn't want to tell you even though I should have because it's something that I really hate about myself. That I'm not really happy. But since I met you, it's felt like flowers growing in my heart. You make me really happy, and I want you to know that too. So there are some days that are just really bad for me and I'm so depressed that I won't get out of bed, or I won't want to talk to anyone. Please, don't take any of that personally, and you don't need to feel like you have to help, just being there for me on those days would be so incredible of you. I just wanted you to know that." The tears were now running down my face.

Shawn looked at me, sadness in his eyes as he wiped some of the tears away with his thumbs on my cheeks. "Thank you for telling me that, Nels," he replied softly. "I'm so, so sorry that you have to go through that. I will do my best to be there for you when you need me or need anything, okay? I love you and wish you didn't have to feel that way."

I rested my head on his shoulder, my arms around his torso. "I love you, Shawn."

He held me, kissing my head as I cried in his arms. 

a/n sorry this is so short but i'm happy they're back together honestly