The UST Files

To her,

To her,

Hi, it’s been 3 years. I didn’t think I’d ever be whole again when you left. And so far, I haven’t been. I like to think that I’ve moved on. I keep telling myself that we’re done and you’re not coming back. Alam ko matatawa ka pag sinabi ko sayo na “living the single life” ako. I don’t wanna tell you the details, baka magselos ka pa. Mahirap na haha. I’ve been seeing other women. They’re all beautiful, kind, and smart in their own ways. They are all exceptional women of their own.

But I must admit that none of them can hold a candle to you. Bitter na kung bitter. I know you would smile and wink like you do kapag nagyayabang ka. Or maybe you would cover your grin and let your eyes do the smiling like they always do when you’re flattered. Or perhaps you’ll display that snide smirk of yours. Well it’s not like I’ll see any of that… or any of you for that matter. If you were with me again, I’m sure you’d laugh at how dramatic I’m being right now. You’ll do that baby-talk impression that you always used to do to tease me. And you would keep making mocking remarks all day because you know I can’t ever get angry at you. I mean, how can I? Despite your annoying attitude, you’re still the sweetest girl I know. Your teasing and mocking is eclipsed by your radiant laugh and sweet kisses. Your deadly sarcasm and clever wittiness is matched only by your beautiful smile and piercing eyes.

I miss you dearly. There, I said it. I know you’re never coming back and I’ve accepted that. But goddamn it still hurts after all this time. I remember the way we would argue about the stupidest things. How we interpret books and movies differently, and yet be constantly amazed by each other’s point of view. How we binge watch TV shows. How we would bicker at the most pointless things, and kiss and make up after realizing how silly we were being. How you couldn’t give me the silent treatment just because you can’t stand not blabbering for 5 minutes. I miss how you would stare at my lips as I talk. I miss how your head feels on my chest. I miss the feeling of your body in my arms and hearing the sweet melody that is your laugh.

I’m not entirely sure if you miss me. After all, I did suck as a boyfriend. I was always slow at getting your hints. I never had a knack for romance and doing sweet things that other guys do. I told you I had a hundred flaws, yet you kissed me and hugged me saying you would gladly spend your life with my hundred flaws as long as they were mine. What I wouldn’t give to have you by my side again. But I know that’s not gonna happen. I’m sure you’re happy where you are right now. I could not wish for anything more for you. I love you and that will never disappear. You will forever be the person who changed me, for better or worse. We did not last as long as we would have liked, but our time together could last me a lifetime.Though you’re no longer with me, the moments we spent together will be my most cherished memories.

Rest in peace, my beloved.

Love, me.
201*
Faculty of Engineering