g r a c e
"Now, was that so bad?" Louis asks as we reach the car.
"It definitely wasn't enjoyable." I can't bring myself to tell him about the conversation I had with one of the guests. I refuse to call them a family member, they don't deserve that title.
"Funerals usually aren't. But everybody dies eventually, unfortunately there's nothing we can do to avoid it."
"Don't remind me, I never want to go through losing you." I sigh, looking up at him.
"I don't wanna lose you either, but just remember that either way, we'll see each other again. Death won't separate us." We both get in the car, but my eyes don't move from the doors to the building.
"Did you want to follow the car to the cemetery?"
"No." I state, leaving it at that. After the way we were 'welcomed', I'm in no mood to see anyone else associated with my so called mother.
It's times like this that I miss the people who I thought were family, the ones that I could actually consider my parents. They were always there to comfort me, and actually gave a damn about me. I love how Louis is always there for me, but sometimes all I want is my parents.
Once I found out the truth about them, things went downhill. Then I became pregnant and they totally froze me out. To this day, I still don't know why. It's not like I did anything wrong. All I know is that no matter what, I'll always be there for my kids.
"So are you gonna tell me what's wrong?" Louis' voice breaks me out of my thoughts.
"What are you talking about?" We just got out of a funeral and all I can think about is the past, what else could be wrong?
"Lexi told me that she saw you talking to some of the other guests, and you didn't seem to happy around them."
Do I really want to talk about this now?
I guess I should get it off my chest. It's not good to keep things in, and this will eat me alive if I don't let it out.
"A few of her relatives felt the need to blame me on everything, and thought that I needed to know how she 'suffered' throughout the years. I'm the reason she was always so depressed, I didn't give her a chance to be a mother. But at the same time, I put too much pressure on her, because I wanted her to get to have a relationship with her daughter and grandchildren.
None of what they said made sense, but they still felt that a funeral was the right place to say all that. I don't think there is a right place or time to say those types of things. But clearly they thought that they had the right to do so."
"I'm sorry you had to go through that." Louis says, pulling the car into our driveway. "You're right, there is never a good time to say that. They had no right to do it. Not to take sides, but I'm sure they're just feeling so many things right now and focusing on anger.
They feel the need to blame someone for what happened. It happens to everyone, I tried to blame my dad after I lost my mother. For a short time, it takes some of the pain away. You forget that other people are going through the same thing you are. In the end, you all lost someone, and no amount of blame or anger can bring them back. Maybe soon they'll realize that. I know I did, and it sucks.
I know you're upset now, but little by little you'll feel better. The pain will never go away, but one day it won't be as strong."
I turn to face Louis. I never knew that he blamed his dad after losing his mom. A very small part of me doesn't blame him, because his dad did absolutely nothing for him and his siblings, and his mom worked her ass off to make sure they had everything they needed, and more.
He's right. One day they'll realize what the did to me, that it didn't change anything. Nothing they do can bring her back.
But they'll get their revenge. I hear karma's a real bitch.
//
v short chapter bc i haven't updated in forever lol
I'm starting to consider ending this story soon, at this point i feel like I'm just dragging it on. also I've had writer's block for what feels like forever and i feel the complete opposite of creative
