Don't Fall In Love (JENLISA, G!P - COMPLETED)

Chapter 25

Jennie Kim.

"I just think what we need now is some time away from each other, Unnie..." I said as digging on my ice cream

"Where are you going to stay??" Irene asked curiously. There was a tense silence between us. Irene Unnie disagree with my plans to move out

I shrugged "I'm not sure. Jongin Oppa introduced me to one of his designer friend in Paris. I want to do what I like now. I want to be a designer and stay in Paris" I said unsurely

"Pull yourself together Jennie, you still madly in love with Lisa. Enough with this bullshit, I know you can't leave her like this, I'm tired seeing you pushing yourself to Jongin and now? What was again? Don't be selfish.." Irene said angrily

Yes, I started to mess around with people I don't even love again, Jongin Oppa, forcing myself to get over Lisa and it absolutely kills me to think that I would lost that feeling for her, and having to do that with someone else but no matter how hard I try doing things I shouldn't do, it just didn't work out. It fucking sucks, and I realised that's just how love works, you either love them forever or you never loved them from the beginning

"I'm also tired seeing all the people I love one by one leaving me. And about Lisa, I can't lose myself trying to hold someone who doesn't care about losing me.." I said sadly

"Why are guys so complicated? Just have sex and try harder on the bed to get a baby again. Then life happily, problem solve.." Irene exclaimed annoyingly

"If you think it was as easy as that, you're heartless, the same as Lisa!!" I huffed angrily as shook my head. When she was about to speak again, I quickly stood up and dragged her out from the table

I hate how easy and straightforward Irene is, to think about sex can solve this problem, problem isn't resolved just because you spread your legs, having/losing a baby is not the same as having/losing a pet.

"Let's go Unnie, we still have a lot to prepare"

I never wanted to lose Lisa, but as the time passed I feels like I'm the one who blaming her for everything I felt, I couldn't seem to forgive her for the 'mistake' as I called it dissapointment. She dissapointed me and I get hurt, I just can't get over it. I have no control of my own sadness that I just can't seem to stop it and then it take me nowhere and give me nothing but ignorance and pain.

These pas few months I sleep in the next room where our baby room was. I still remember the day Lisa made me so happy giving me a surprise with the baby room, romantic dinner and wonderful sex after my hardest time of losing Ella but then life make me break down into a millions of pieces, taking away my little happiness.

I walked slowly to the baby room as looked down at the wedding ring I still wearing and rub over it. I wanted to grow old with Lisa and our baby, I wanted to still be as in love as the day I first realised I was in love with her. But I can't deny that something is missing in my heart along with the day I lose my baby, my heart completely shattered when I laid my eyes on the tiny little life who had life inside me was no longer alive.

"What did I do wrong?" I mumble to myself

Even though Lisa has apologised but I can't find in my heart to forgive her for blame it all on me because her words is tortured me until now

"Is this really my faults?" And tears began to start falling from my eyes

I wiped my tears while looked at our baby beautiful room. I was supposed to be a mother, what was I now? I didn't know who I was or who I was supposed to be. I'm not a mother, I'm not a wife as well. I have distance myself from my wife, I was avoiding her, she become the best thing that I ever had but yet she were also not the right person for my heart. I feels like the higher I build walls around my heart for her, the harder I'll fall when she tears them down. I just want to learn how to unlove her but is that even possible? And the hard part when I start to learn about to stop loving her is learning to live without her, learning to be able to breathe without her. Me loving her was basically suicide, when I exactly knew she won't love me the way I loved her.