Poetry and Thoughts

starting over

February 1st

I'm starting over

Start February I will not give into temptation.

If I eat its one thing not even a meal.

If I eat a meal I'll do 50 sit ups

I'll start working out

When it's spring I'll wake up at 5 and go on a run

I'm tired of being like this

I know he told me that I shouldn't worry about it but I just can't

It's all I think about

I don't buy new clothes cause I'm scared they will rip

I don't go on dates cause I don't want them seeing my body

All I want to do is be normal

But I can't

Not looking like this

By July I want to have lost 85 pounds and if I can't I want to look 200

I just don't want to look like this

I'm fat and worthless

I know I'll still be ugly and worthless when I'm not fat but at least I won't be fat

These are the last few days of temptation taking over

Starting February 1st I won't eat

I won't give into temptation

If I eat it will be measured to less then the serving size and I will only eat things from my old diet that actually worked

Me not eating will also save my family money

No one in the house has a job yet and I don't think we are going to make it

We might become homeless soon

Me  it eating will save them money

Maybe in the future I'll kill myself after paying off my debt to them

After I give them there money I'll kill myself then they won't have to worry about me
No one will care that I'm gone

They will say they will but ones I'm gone they will forget they won't even cry when they hear I'm dead cause in reality no one cares

No. One cares about me

Not even Alex

I know he fakes it

He doesn't really care no matter what he says

But I really care about him
He is my best friend
I care and love for him but I'm just a waste of time for him I'm just a burden