Poetry and Thoughts

I dont want to

Why

Why do I love him

He's always in my mind

Running around

I don't want to love him

I don't want to be in love with him

It hurts to much

I lay in bed with tears running down my face

I can't stop crying

Why am I crying over not wanting to love him

Why does it hurt so much

I can't tell him

I don't want to ruin what we have

I randomly burst into tears

I have no idea why

Why can't I just like him as a friend

Am I really in love with him?

Or am i confusing kindness for love

It wouldn't be the first time

I fall for people who show me the slightest bit of kindness

I was never shown kindness from people

I just want to break down

I just want a hug

Will someone ever love me?

As I am

I'll never get the relationship from my dreams

I haven't met that person yet

I wish I knew why people liked me

What did my ex's see in me

Did they actually like me

Or

Was it because they were desperate and lonely and they knew I was easy to trick

I don't know what to believe

When I dream each one I kiss someone

Some I know

Some I don't

Each night I get sadder and sadder

I can't remember the sensation of a kiss on my lips

What does it feel like?

Is it nice?

Why do I dream of it

Am I that wanting of it

I don't want to feel like this

What if I end it?