Poetry and Thoughts

Likes me?

My new friends think he likes me

His name is Silas

Douglas  is where he is

I've known them for a short time

Before I knew them a mutual  friend sent them my photos

Silas said I was hot

The mutual friend sent me a screenshot  of the chat

It was weird being called hot

I don't think anyone has ever thought  of me as hot

The day after the screenshot  was sent to me my friend bursts through  my door and told me to get in their car
I was shocked but did

I had no idea where we were going

We ended up in Douglas and they told me not to be awkward and got out of the car

Immediately I knew we were seeing people

Long story short I met Silas, Christian, Xavier, John, and another who's  name I can not remember

Me and the guys hung out and I feel  comfortable around them

At least more than I usually would

When it got dark we all pilled into the truck and took off driving

We drifted around and went to Eldorado and met up with three other people

It was really fun

The next  day my friend picked me up and we went back to Silas's place

The guys teased him  about liking me

The more I hang out with I think he doesn't like me

Which I prefer

I don't want him to like me

I don't want things to be awkward  between  us

They are all really  cool

If I ever develop  a crush on him it wouldn't be me really liking him

It's been so long sense I've been held it kissed that I develop  a crush on someone  who someone  says likes me

I do my like being like that

Sometimes  I wish someone would just walk up and kiss me

2019 I was in two relationships

1 lived in England. He was nice  but it was toxic, I barely  knew his name, I had to find out from my friend

The second one I was in I broke up with him to be with my ex

I dated her back in 2015-2016

We dated for a month but it was toxic because  she wasn't even bi or anything

She was questioning and turns out she is straight

I'm fine with that

What hurt was that she didn't tell me she was questioning

Some advice

Tell the person you are dating of you're  questioning 

It hurts a lot less

Sometimes I'm glad I'm single

But there are times I want to be someone's

In a lot of my relationships I've had to be the more dominant but I just want to be the soft one

I don't always want to hold someone

I want someone to hold me for once 

I doubt  it will  happen

Sometimes  I think it's better to be alone

I want to adopt kids when I'm older and ready  and I don't want anyone to come  in and try changing my mind

Yes I'll miss the touches and kisses of someone who loves me but  I'm willing to sacrifice anything  for my future  kids

Maybe one day a person who loves me will come but for now I'll just wait

I hope Silas doesn't like me

I don't want to hurt  him because  I don't like  him

One thing I find funny is I always say I'll never  date my ex's  but no matter which it is I always go back to them no matter what

Oh well

Things are just going to happen  when they do