The past few weeks were extremely hectic. Billie had a lot of shows that we were always traveling for, and it became so much that my physical therapist had to join us on tour.
I am still unable to use my legs. Everyone keeps telling me that it's just a mental blocker that is keeping me from walking but I don't believe them.
Heck, even Billie asked me to 'just try' as if I wasn't already.
I got a little angrier a lot easier now. I was just mainly frustrated with my inability to walk.
I wanted to go back and visit Melanie but it isn't advised to travel any more in a wheelchair.
I even cried for a few hours straight, begging to just die so I can get this shit over with.
But I managed.
The only way I survived up to this point, was my spectacular girlfriend.
Through all of my breakdowns, and bitchy moments, she was there.
She hugged me when I cried, sang me to sleep when i couldn't on my own. When I yelled at her she just smiled and did what I asked her to do sweetly.
Literally an angel.
Tonight, Billie was performing a show in Dallas. The crowd was massive and everyone was buzzing with excitement.
Finneas had just ended his opening act and was ready to introduce his sister.
"Bil." I whispered.
She looked down - yes down at me lovingly.
"Yes baby?" She asked.
"Go get em." I encouraged.
She smiled at me and gave me a lingering kiss on the lips.
"Billie Eilish!" Finneas yelled.
Did I say the crowd went wild before? It was absolutely nothing compared to those times. I'm surprised these people's vocal cords are still intact.
She began to sing her heart out, jumping on stage, smiling.
I was so fucking proud of her.
"And now I wanted to sing a song for someone very close to me." She smiled and buried her face in her hands to hide the blush.
She ran off stage and returned, with the handles of my wheelchair in her hands.
She was extremely careful as to not trip over anything.
"So this is my wonderful girlfriend." She announced, encouraging more cheers.
"And I want her to know how much I truly care for her."
"I'll give all everything"
"Because I'm in love with you"
"Yes I'm in love with you"
I hadn't heard this tune before and it brought tears to my eyes. She usually shares everything she writes with me but to think she dedicated something so beautiful to me warms my heart.
But that one word. That one word that I couldn't and probably won't ever seem to understand.
Love.
She loves me?
As the song continued I couldn't help but cry. It was absolutely beautiful. She was beautiful, she was perfect, she was everything I wanted.
Everything I needed.
I love her.
Do I?
Yes. Yes I do.
The sweet moment was short lived however, when a gun shot rang througout the theater.
Screams echoed around the people, them trying to get away.
One. Two. Three. Four.
That's how many rang out.
That's how many people could be hurt.
My searing headache suggested that something might have happened and I couldn't focus on what it was.
That was until I realized I was lying on the floor, Billie on top.
She tried to protect me.
She got off me and turned towards the retreating crowd, not knowing what to do.
Placing my fingers on my chest and retracting them, I noticed blood.
Holy hell. I was shot.
I didn't feel the intense pain of a gunshot as people say you feel.
I felt...
Numb.
My head still hurt which didn't help, and I couldn't stand up because of my legs.
I just watched.
Watched the crowd, watched Billie, wat--
Billie was falling.
She fell face first on the ground. What had happened? Was she shot while I wasn't paying attention!?
"FINNEAS!" I screamed at the top of the lungs.
I don't know exactly what it was that caused me to forget that he was on stage, but I remembered as soon as he reached out to catch his sister.
"She's bleeding really bad." He cried out.
It was then that I realized.
For the second time in my life, I wasn't the one who was hurt.
Someone else had jumped in front of me to protect me becase they knew I was a target.
Billie.
The blood I had felt on myself wasn't my own, but it was Billie's.
"SOMEONE CALL SOMEONE PLEASE!?" I begged.
Cierra ran onto the stage now and instantly called 911.
Finneas grabbed his jacket and tied the sleeves around her torso to keep the blood stimulated.
I however was a mess.
I looked like a total fool, sitting there on the ground, unable to move. I couldn't get up and hug my girl in what might be her last moments.
Nope.
Nope. Nope. Nope.
She is going to live.
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