I sat on the double sided bench, head resting on her shoulder.
"And It's just all so damn overwhelming."
She nodded at me, listening intently as always.
I looked deep into her emerald green eyes, seeing every single light and dark hue it harbored. The different shades of greens fought for dominance within her iris but the brighter one had won by a little bit.
I couldn't understand how so much pain could be inside them. I didn't understand until I looked. And when I did, I physically felt her pain. I felt all the aches her heart endured and all the tears that spilled from the very eyes.
Just gazing at her gave me a new appreciation for everything. She was so attentive and always put others before herself. She was and still is far too pure for this world and I couldn't imagine tainting that joy within her.
The joy I already messed with once.
"I get it." She muttered quietly.
That was all it took for me. Her words resonated deep within me, to a new level of understanding. I trusted her so deeply that even those words assured me.
She really did get it.
She had lost so much but still managed to keep a level head and understand every perspective. She understood how I was feeling when I did it and even though it hurt her, she gets why I did.
And that's all that matters.
"I think you were just confused. You had lost your way." She said quietly, still gazing at the bright sky.
It's truly amazing that I could be standing in the most breathtaking place on Earth, yet still be only focused on her.
"How do I find my way back?" I asked, voice broken.
Tears now threatened to overflow. The dam my consciousness built breaking down with each breath.
Avalon turned around on the bench, looking me dead in the eyes.
"What I'm about to say is going to sound totally cheesy." She giggled.
It reminded me of our relationship before. How we talked about random things and got to know each other. Right now, Ava looked at me as if she had the most important news to share.
Her bubbly attitude soon simmered out though, and she went back be being serious and philosophical.
"You should just follow your heart." She whispered.
I tried.
I tried to follow my heart but my damn head took over. My head overpowered my heart and did whatever it thought was best in the moment. My head may be where my brain was but it clearly wasn't where my mind was.
My mind could be in the damn gutter for all it is.
"What if - What if my heart was with someone other than myself?" I asked her, eyes glassing over.
She looked at me, telling me all I needed to know with her eyes. They held the utmost sadness as she looked at me. She knew. She knew we couldn't be together and I had to live with that.
I had to live without the love of my life.
But the problem is I didn't want to grow old alone. I didn't want to get a crumby invitation to a snooty wedding where the one person that made me smile; the one person I could make smile was going to go to another?
Where she would laugh by his side and smile at his jokes.
Where she would kiss him and rock his world like it's never been rocked. Hug her like I never could.
I didn't want to live in a world where my Avalon belonged to another.
I couldn't.
Avalon never responded to my question. She just met my eyes with a fiery intensity.
She just smiled at me softly and placed her small palm on my cheek.
The cheek that was now soaked unbeknownst to me.
She just pulled my face close to hers. So close that our breath mingled into one fresh air.
And she said.
"Then you should know mine is too."
And our lips met.
Close wasn't close enough due to the park bench that blocked me from her. I wanted to hop right over the other side and pick her up but I knew I couldn't.
I shouldn't.
I just sat there, enjoying the euphoric feeling kissing her filled me with.
"I wrote something today."
Avalon looked at me excitedly.
"About?" She asked suggestively wiggling her eyebrow.
"You." I smiled before biting my lip.
"Can I hear it?" She begged, eyes now sparkling with hope.
I hated to say no to her. Almost as much as I hated saying goodbye to her.
Nothing beat that though.
"Not yet baby." I said, wanting nothing more than to sing it at the top of my lungs for her.
Finally deciding I could give her a little something I brought my lips to her ears and gently whispered.
"Somebody new is gonna comfort you like you want me to."
As the line passed my lips, a tear streamed down my face.
I pulled my face from hers and looked into her eyes to see them tearing up as well.
I hated seeing her cry.
She wiped the tears off her face and stood up.
"Goodbye Billie."
And she was gone.
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A/N
If you are wondering why I posted so much today it's because I am really sick and had to stay home from school. Unfortunately it seemed to get worse but I'm hanging in there !
Honestly this was extremely hard to write and I don't know why.
It made me feel so undeniably sad.
How did this make you feel?
Thanks for reading! <3
