Katana's Revenge

Why Can't He Just Be There for me...

Song: I can't breathe by Bea Miller

Jake:

Her dad refused to let me or anyone see her at the hospital and now that I know she is home I got to see her. Everyone has been talking so much about that night. The rumors are freaking ridiculous. I am so over them.

I can't go down the freaking hallway at school without someone asking about her. And it's not just that, I hear all the stupid shit they say behind my back and when they see me it gets all quite as if I was not supposed to hear the shit. I'm right there dammit in the same freaking room and hell just say it already it's not like I haven't heard the shit already.

I just need to see her. I need to hear it from her what happened. I haven't seen Anthony either and when I asked about him, apparently they said he called into school sick. I know he is not, I can't remember the last time he was sick. I have a feeling it has to do with his dad and he is trying to avoid all the stupid rumors too. He better hope to God that he had nothing to do with this shit or I will have to deal with him.

I tried to go over to his house a few times but no one answers the damn door and I know he has got to be home. I mean hello if he is sick, he should be home right.

When I get to her house, I can tell her dad is not really happy to see me however he lets me in. I see her and a part of me wants to hold her. Her face is still black and blue and swollen. I have to look away for a second to gather up my nerve to talk to her. I have to know what really happened. It is eating away at me.

We had this whole future planned, me with her, her with me. We have been waiting so long to be with each other, to be each other's first but I know that will never happen now. How do I make this work? How do I move on from this?

Katana:

I have been home over a week and a few of my friends have come by to see me but my dad tells them that I am not seeing anyone right now. When Jake comes by he begs my dad to see me and he lets him in but he says that we have to talk in the living room. He doesn't want anyone in my room. Really he just doesn't want me out of his sight. We sit on the couch. I look over at my dad and sigh a little annoyed, "Dad...please." He gets up and goes to the kitchen to fix super. It's not like we talk much anyway.

"You're dad's not handling this well at all is he?" he says nervously as he sits beside me and takes my hand. "There are so many rumors going around about Mr. Harper," he says without looking up into my eyes.

Just hearing that name makes my stomach hurt. I try to avoid looking at him as tears start to sting my eyes. I turn my head and blink the tears away. I just want to forget what happened. I want to be done with this but I have a feeling that this is only the beginning.

"I don't mean to bring it up...sorry...like I said so many rumors. I don't know what is true or not true. What happened Ana?" He asks with a concerned tone.

My throat tightens and I barelywhisper,  "You don't want to know." I look down at my lap, a tear escapes and I use the back of my hand to wipe it away.

"He did this to you?" He moves my hair out of my face and gets a good look at the bruises. He sees my neck. I watch his expression and sure enough he has that look...pity...poor pitifully me. "Why would he do this; did you say something to him?"

Wait...what...he somehow thinks that this is my fault. It pisses me off. Why does everyone always just assumes the woman instigates it. "No!" I say harshly, "And even if I did what difference does that make." It shouldn't matter what I did, no one deserves to be treated this way.

"Was Anthony there; does he know about this?" He looks right at me, watching my facial expressions.

I slowly nod my head. "Yes he was there...and no....I don't know if he actually knows about it." I lie about it all. Anthony is his friend, was my friend. How do I tell him that his friend is just as evil as his dad? Besides I will find away to get Anthony back; I don't need anyone to help me.

He stands up and paces the floor. He seems pissed off like he just can't believe that this happened. "He was there but didn't notice his dad beating the shit out of you...really now," he  says angrily but then gets really quite as if he is trying to visualize the whole scene.

He contemplates asking me something. I see his mind working; I know what he is thinking and I wait silently for him to just come right on out and ask me. "Did he touch you?" He looks at me and I don't say anything as our eyes meet. I shouldn't have to he knows already. "Did he?" He asks me again this time raising his voice a little too loud causing me to jump. "I have to know Ana because if he touched you that way so help me I will kill him myself."

I'm scared of what he might really think. Nervously I looks his way. "Why do you want to know? You already heard what happened. Why do you need me to tell you." It was already on the evening news the next day after it happened. I know for a fact it was in the damn newspaper and the way this small town is I know he knows, so why in the hell does he want me to tell him.

"I just need to know the real truth, from you. I wanted to be the first.  We talked about me being your first and now...and now..." He sits back down and leans all the way over looking down between his knees towards the floor and runs his hands through his hair. I know he is upset I get it I do but seriously.

"Now what?" I sigh. "It's not like I asked for it...hell look at me I didn't ask for this." Tears form in my eyes on the verge of escaping.

I keep thinking back of that night. Did I do something? Was it really what I was wearing, was it something I said, something I did; what did I do? I keep feeling this was all my fault, that I provoked him somehow. I was wearing the cheer outfit, it showed a little more than it should but still. I walked into the house on my own. I did it.vHell if this goes to court that is what he will say that I provoked him to...to...hurt me. I went in; he didn't force me to go into his house, into that room. I suddenly feel like I am going to black out.

He shoot back angrily,  "I didn't say you did. I'm just pissed that's all. I wanted to be with you first not some drunken bastard. I can't stop thinking about his hands on your body, on what belongs to me."

Belongs to you...really now. I am not someone's freaking property. Suddenl I feel irate,  "First of all I don't belong to anyone. Yes I wanted you to be my first because you are the only one I have ever loved but he took that from me," my voice starts to crack, "from us."

"I can't deal with this. I'm sorry I just can't." He stands up to leave and stops to look back at me. "I need time to think about this. I'm sorry..." and just like that he leaves.

What the hell, time to think about what? I was raped...me not him and he needs time to process this you got to be freaking kidding me. I can't stop the damn tears from streaming down my face and I find myself all curled up in the corner of the couch with my knees drawn up to the rest of my body. If he can't handle any of this how can I.

When my dad comes back in the living room he is holding a cup of hot chocolate. He nearly drops it when he sees me crying. "What happened to Jake I thought he was staying?"

"Me too," I whimper without even looking up and the tears come harder. My dad sits the cup on the table and his arms come around me.

"Hey...I'm here...tell me what happened."

"He...he says he needs time to think about this," I cry into his chest.

"He will be back; he just needs to think. I'm sure he is hurting inside, trying to figure out what to do next."

"I'm hurting...me...he should be there for me and hold me and caring for me, not run away."

"I know...I know. Sometimes people just need to step back and think things over. Honey he will be back he cares about you."

He cares! I don't feel like he does. If he freaking cared he would still be here holding me. I don't say anything because I am too busy crying. I feel that my life is over, like really over.

No matter what I say it will never matter. I lost a lot that night. The night I made the biggest mistake of my entire life. Not only did I lose my friendsvbecause I will never trust them again. I mean hell they left me there to die. And now, I lost Jake as well because every time he sees me he will remember what happened. I lost my dad because he can't look at me like he use too as if I am someone else all together. I lost everything; hell I even lost myself, all of me.