Katana's Revenge

Opening Up

Song: You're gonna be okay by Brian and Jenn Johnson

I watch as everyone comes in to the cafeteria. Everyone looks like zombies. I wonder if everyone is on sleeping pills. Not only that but whatever else is everyone on. I have heard about places like this, well in the movies that is. They like to keep you all drugged up so you walk around like a freaking zombie so that you won't cause any trouble.

The day nurse is Clara this morning and she comes up beside me to tell me that Mrs. Donavan wants to see me this morning. As I am walking out with her I see him in the corner of my eye. I don't know if he saw me or not because Clara is pushing me along.

When I get to her office she stands up to greet me. "Please come in have a seat; I'm Sarah Donavan. Please call me Sarah." She sits back down behind her desk and opens up the folder before her. "So Katana Harlow, says here you are eighteen."

I just look back at her, I mean what does she want me to say.

"Looks like you have been through a lot the past few months. Do you know why you are here?"

"Because my dad thinks I'm crazy." I shrug my shoulders. "Ok suicidal."

"And what do you think?"

I shrug my shoulders again and look away.

"Katana, you have been through a great ordeal. Lots of people have these thoughts. Having thoughts and actually going through with those thoughts are two different things. Most people have thoughts about harming themselves on a daily basis but when you actually do harm yourself that is when we need intervention."

I know I have a problem. I'm just not ready to admit to it.

"How about this, let's just get to know each other. Does that sound good?"

I shrug again. What difference does it even make what I think.

"So you are still in high school?"

I nod my head yes.

"Ok...uhm...friends. I'm sure you have lots of friends. Says you were on the cheer squad."

"Does it also say that I quit the squad?" I say matter of factly. Damn, what all is in that yellow folder, apparently my whole life history.

"No! It doesn't; so you quit the squad...in your senior year. Why?"

I think about why. I think of that night. If only they would have went in with me, if they would have freaking waited for me. I inhale and then exhale trying to gather my thoughts. I don't look up at her; instead I look down into my lap at my trembling hands. I try to swallow the lump that forms in the bvb ack of my throat.

"They left me. I thought they cared. I thought that they were my friends but friends don't leave friends behind." I glance up at her and ask, "Do they?"

"I guess not. So where did they leave you at?"

I close my eyes briefly.  "I don't want to talk about it."

"Ok, maybe next time then." She flips through the pages in the file. "So it's just you and your dad at home?"

I nod.

"Where is your mom?"

"I don't know; one day she was there the next she was gone. Just like that." I snap my fingers. "She left. Everyone apparently leaves me."

"I'm sorry to hear that."

"Why would you be sorry; it's not like you had anything to do with it."

She gets quite. Then says, "I just think it's sad that you feel that everyone leaves you...must me lonely."

"Yeah, well you get use to it. She left when I was fourteen...not even a goodbye...nothing." I watch her facial expression as she dots down something in her notebook.