Katana's Revenge

Whose Fault Is It, Really?

Song: Antidote By Faith Marie

It's all over the radio, all over the news and social media. Anthony lost it. My phone keeps going off and I don't bother answering it. My door flings open scaring the living daylights out of me and my dad is standing there staring back at me in panic mode.

"What the hell! Don't you know how to answer the freaking phone?"

"I'm sorry, it kept going off so I turned it off."

"Dear God you're ok. I was freaking worried." He entered the room, walking over to my bed with heavy feet causing my room to shake. I have been all morning...all day actually.

"Dad I am fine; I'm right here. I saw the school shooting; how bad is it?"

"It's bad baby...really bad." He sits on the edge of my bed and embraces me for a few minutes before pulling back away from me.

I start to get worried and my heart starts racing. "Dad, was anyone hurt?"

He nods his head.

I look up at him. "Did anyone die?"

He nods his head again. "He was there all morning and never done a thing. He waited till lunch when the cafeteria was filled. He just started shooting. He shot several students most were football players, I think."

Oh my God...Jake. Tell me he didn't shoot him. I know we are no longer together but I still have feelings for him. My voice cracks, "Daddy...you are scaring me...did he shoot Jake?" Tears form in my eyes.

He nods, "He is at the hospital at the moment. It's a mad house up in there honey. I am so glad I made you stay home today."

"Daddy, do you think he would have shot me too?" I ask him even though I already know the answer.

He doesn't say a word.

Then he hugs me again. "No baby, I don't think that," he lies to me. I know he is lying.

I already know that he was looking for me. I saw the videos that are already posted to the net. I can hear him yelling for me. I don't see him, so whoever done the video was not in the hallway where he was but you can hear him plain as day calling out my name. I should have never survived that night. He was coming back to finish me off and he would have if I had been there. I know he would have.

My dad has to leave to go back into the office and when he does I pull it up on the laptop. Anthony took two guns to school, no one even noticed it. Not until he pulled them out. He shot over fifteen students, killing six from the football team and one cheerleader. In the end he took his own life. I cry into my pillow.

What if I could have prevented this from happening; I was so cruel to him the last time we spoke. I told him to grow the fuck up, to be a man and stand up to his dad. He kept trying to apologize and I couldn't forgive him for what he did to me. Is that wrong of me? He could have told his dad no; he could have stood up to him but he was just as scared as much as I was. I should have forgiven him for what he done. I should have stood up to all the kids at school and told them to mind their own business. Anthony was going through just as much shit as I was.

And then I remember the fire, the flames that took over the house. I was no better than all of them. I set the house on fire. I'm the one who helped take that part of his life away from him. I killed his mom and his sister and forced him to be homeless, that was me...I did that.

Oh Shit....what if this is all my doing? I feel so bad now. I never meant to hurt anyone but I was hurting so much inside. I just wanted the pain to stop, to be over with. I only made matters worse. Now friends are hurt, shot and some are even dead. I will never be able to forgive myself for the pain I caused.