Katana's Revenge

What To Do?

Song: Empty by Olivia O'Brien

At first he comes up behind me and sits down right beside me without saying a word. I don't bother looking at him. I don't want him to see my tear stained face. However when he wraps his arm around me and pulls me into him, I let it all out again. When is this feeling ever going to go away?

"Mrs. Harris called me said you skipped out on cheer practice, said something about you quitting the squad. You want to talk about it?" He glances down at me but then back up towards the water.

I shake my head no.

"I take it school was hard today. I'm sure everyone was talking about what happened."

I nod my head slowly.

"Sweetheart...you can't let them get to you like this. You only have like five months left of school. It will be over before you know it. Can you handle it for five more months?"

I shake my head no. Because I honestly don't think that I can make it another five months. I don't think I can make it another week, hell maybe not even another day.

"I don't know what to do. Tell me what to do honey; tell me how to make all this go away? We have to communicate here to make this work."

I just shake my head and cry more and he pulls me in tighter.

"Okay, so cheer is out I assume. What about school you can't just quit? I mean I guess I could transfer you to another school for the remainder of the year. It's not going to solve any of this though. And home school is out of the question. I can't have you barricading yourself in your room. Just tell me what you want? How do we get past this? I'm here...I'm listening."

I don't know if I can tell him that I just want to disappear. I want to go back to before when everything was fine. When I had friends, when I had a boyfriend that cared about me and when I was just me. Now all of that, everything is gone. We sit there in silence for a while before I finally get up the nerve to talk. I don't move away from him though.

"I....I...quit the squad for good. They left me there. How do I forgive them for just leaving me behind?" I sniffle, "Friends don't do that...do they?" I feel him shaking his head no. "And...and...Jake, it's over between us. I know you are probably happy about that anyway but we broke it off today. I don't want to go back to school."

"Wow, so much to deal with in one day. Sounds like a very bad day uh?"

"You have no idea." I don't tell him everything. I don't tell him how some called me names. Some believe that what happened was all my fault. Some don't but it's the point that some believe. Hell even apart of Jake believes it. Maybe if I didn't show off my body wearing the cheer outfit all the time. I don't know what to think as thoughts flood my mind of what if's.

"We will figure something out alright; you ready to get back home."

Not really but I nod my head yes and he stands up first then holds his hand out for me to grab. He pulls me up and we walk side by side all the way back to our cars.

I manage to go to school the rest of the week. But like I said, I managed. I don't bother wearing makeup or fixing my hair. I wrap it up in a messy bun, who gives a shit what I look like. I don't even bother dressing up. I wear my favorite jeans and a long sleeve hoodie with my Converses.

Walking down the hallway seeing Jake with Emily breaks my heart. I can't believe he is already seeing someone else that fast like I meant nothing to him. I walk looking down at the floor, watching my feet stepping on the cracks of the tile floor. I hear some of the squad talking in hushed voices and not just them but all around me.

By mid week I figure if I wear my ear buds and listen to music, I can't hear them. I tune everything out around me and escape to the music flowing in my ears. In class I keep one ear bud in. So while the teachers believe that I am paying attention I'm really not. During lunch I don't even bother going to the cafeteria. I just want to escape so I find myself either sitting in my car or on the ground beside it.

After school I go straight home and to my room. Some nights I don't even bother eating. I have lost my appetite and if my dad finds out that I'm losing weight he would not be happy.

However the hoodie helps because it is like two sizes too big. My dad thinks I'm doing better because I don't complain about anything. I give him a fake smile and pretend like nothing is wrong. But in reality everything is wrong. It's hard not having friends; it's hard seeing Jake with another girl. It's hard trying to be the perfect little daughter when in reality my life is shattering more and more by the minute inside.

On Friday while walking in the halls, I hear someone talking about a party and everyone is going to be there. A part of me wants to go. Not to mingle and chat but to get wasted, to numb everything inside of me. When I pull up there are several cars already there. I walk in and no one really notices at first. I make my way to the kitchen to get a drink. Several of the football players are in there already and of course drinking.

"You look like you could use this." Blake hands me a cup.

I take it from him and take a sip.

"I can't believe you and Jake broke it off. So you know I have wanted to hook up with you for a while now, you want to go dance or something?"

I shake my head no and take another sip.

"Come on Ana...just a dance nothing more. I promise I won't even touch you."

"Maybe later, I just want to drink this for now alright."

"Alright...here let me fill it up some more." And he takes it to fill up to the brim and hands it back to me. I'm standing there next to the counter drinking whatever the hell he gave me when Jake walks in with his arms wrapped around Emily. She sees me and looks down avoiding making eye contact with me. Jake sees me and pulls her closer to him. I do believe he is trying to make me jealous. Two can play this game. I finish the cup and hand it back over to Blake.

"You want more...girl you are going to be f'd up." However,  he pours me another cup all the way to the brim again.

"You want to dance with me?" I ask him.

"Hell yeah." He walks around the counter and grabs my hand. I take another sip and then set the cup down on the counter. He pulls me into the other room and we just dance like there is no tomorrow. I see Jake watching and then he is gone. I finish the song with Blake and then go back to the kitchen to finish off the cup. I set the empty cup down and happen to look up to see Anthony looking at me. All the color drains from my face.

"Can we talk?" he asks.

Any other time I would have said hell no. However I have several drinks in me and I'm feeling a little loose now. Maybe too loose. I feel pretty empty inside anyway what difference does it make it he tries to hurt me now...again. I guess we might as well find out. I nod my head and walk down the hallway. I find an empty room and Anthony follows me. I'm not sure this was a good idea. To be alone with him in an empty room with the door closed.