Nostalgia

Cry

Die x Shinya

Don’t cry. You should never cry. Every tear only serves to shatter my heart into pieces. I don’t wish for you to notice me but just wish for one thing. Never cry when you are with me.

He stared down helplessly at the blonde. Toshiya is doing a far better job at comforting Shinya than he could ever do. Give him an angry and pissed off Shinya anytime and he can deal with it. As long as he isn’t crying. A hand hesitantly moved up, patting awkwardly at the seemingly frail shoulders that still shook with every sob.

He felt like an asshole then. For his thoughts earlier. For being happy that he might have a chance. He doesn’t want that chance anymore, that slim hope of a chance. He just want his polite passive drummer back, the one who more often than not gave an uncharacteristic smirk after a well aimed drumstick at his head, the only indication that he wasn’t as bothered by his teasing as all of them had thought him to be. He wants his happy Shinya back.

Shinya soon calmed, occasional hiccup still heard from time to time. Toshiya had disappeared. Perhaps to give Kyo and Kaoru a piece of his mind he hoped that the bassist indeed did do that. If not, he has more than enough choice words to say to the duo, the words that had previously escaped him.

“Do you know why I am crying?”

He looked down once more, his breath caught in his throat at the sight. With wide reddened eyes looking up at him, the drummer still look like the most beautiful creature that he had ever seen. Maybe he is just biased when it comes to Shinya. Maybe he is just in love.

He soon recollected the question posed to him earlier, answering with a shake of his head. Shinya sigh the softest of sigh.

“It isn’t so much of loving him. Or losing him. Or knowing that he loved Kaoru. Maybe it was regret. Maybe it was for the relationship that we could have. What could have lie in store for us in the future. Maybe it is for why couldn’t he love me? Or why couldn’t I love him? Why can't both of us be contented with each other without both wanting someone else”

The drummer stared up at the guitarist, the words he had spoken are more than what he usually would say in one sitting., words which are cloaked with double meaning, words that scared himself for saying it in the first place. Die’s almost lost himself in Shinya’s questioning eyes when the words hit him.

“Wanting someone else?”

Shinya looked away then, biting down on his lip. Die wouldn’t have any of that. Not now. He pushed up his chin. Both of them staring into each other’s eyes.

“Is it me?”

Silence greeted him for a long while. He thought that Shinya would clam up, not answer him.

“It is always you”

That soft admission filled him with happiness unlike what he had felt before. He hugged the drummer close, their hearts both beating in unison.

“I had always only wanted you to notice me”

The confession drew a chuckle from Shinya, a sound that Die never thought he would get to hear for a long time.

“How could I not? You are the annoyance that is always there”

“A lovable annoyance”

No reply was needed for the statement as Die reached up with surer hands, caressing the soft cheeks, fingers running over the lush lips that he would never dream that he could kiss. There were no fireworks, no explosion of bright lights, none of the commotion of great kisses acclaimed by the movies. Instead there was only familiarity, feeling of coming home, feeling of it being so right.

I only hope for you to smile when you are with me. That is my only hope and wish. If God can grant me that, I know that I am indeed blessed twice over. First for having you with me, second for having your smile.