Nostalgia

How Long?

Ruki x Kai

Kai's POV

The length of his body pressed against mine. His eyes met mine, words not needed in our situation. He would still ask for permission with those expressive eyes of his and always I would assent to it, letting him do what he wants, what I myself want. He suckled on my neck, biting onto the skin, the feeling running straight to my groin. His hands slipped under my shirt, easing up the fabric, him detaching his lips from my neck so that he could pull the shirt over my head, discarding it on the floor. I stood there unresisting his touches, his kisses, his caresses, letting him do as he wants. I guess my passiveness didn't bode well with his current mood as he bit down on my lower lip, drawing a yelp and me pushing him away.

I saw the frustration in his eyes, knowing slight anger mirrored in mine. He pushed me against the wall again, pressing those lips on mine. God. He tasted so good. All of him overwhelmed me, his smell, his languid caresses. I want more of him, all of him. But I stubbornly refused to react to him, refused to participate in anything more but just passive acceptance.

"Up"

The hands on my hips urged me to wrap my legs around his waist. This is not that feasible, right? What if he drops me? Hell, he is shorter than me.

"I will not drop you"

I guess my emotions are easily read from my face before I finally did his bidding. Why do I trust him so much? After everything? He carried me carefully to my bedroom, depositing me on the bed too gently for my liking. Why is he doing this? Why is he not acting as usual? He stripped the remnants of his clothing, standing at the edge of the bed, staring at me. I felt self conscious at the obvious lust in his unwavering stare before reaching to pull the blanket over me, feeling naked even though I was still wearing my pants.

"Stop"

His hand held onto my wrist, me staring at him confusedly. Something is off tonight. He is different tonight.

"Let me admire you"

I don't have to look into the mirror to know that I am blushing. I can feel the heat spreading on my face.

"You're beautiful"
"No I am not"
"You are. Inside and out"

I pursed my lips stubbornly, not wanting to argue with him but knowing deep inside that the compliment is a lie. I am not beautiful. I can never compete with anyone in my band. Physically I failed. Inside? That is a laugh. I can never be beautiful inside, not with my thoughts and preoccupations, not with my actions. How can I ever be beautiful?

I jerked as his fingertips ran down my sides, trailing to my chest, pinching the sensitive nubs before his head lowered, swiping a tongue there, suckling on it before he presses kisses lower, on my abdomen, on my navel before he lifted his head, him giving me this unreadable look. My mind was confused. It was reflected on my face as he caressed my jaw for a brief moment before his hands trailed down to the fastening of my pants, unbuttoning it, slowly lowering down the zipper, the sound being far too loud in the painfully quiet room save for our labored breathing.

He had never been one for foreplay or slow sex. It had always been impromptu sessions in the rehearsal room, in the car, in my house or wherever that he suddenly takes fancies to. It had never been this. Never been this slow and almost... No. I will not think to that direction. It would never be that. I shifted my hips, letting him pull the offending garment off.

I moaned out loud, fingers gripping on the cool sheets when he suddenly took me in his mouth, deep throating me in one go. That had never happened before. My mind went incoherent when he started bobbing his head, his eyes fixed on mine the whole time, the entire scenario more intimate than anything we ever experienced together. A soft protest left my lips when he suddenly withdraw, leaving me wanting for more. I whimpered against his lips as our tongues joined and battled, his hand stroking my length lazily, him seemingly intent to drive me crazy that night.

"Tell me what you want"

I stiffened at his words, the soft rumble of words being processed in my mind.

"What do you want?"

I blinked up at him, his eyes hard as his hand stilled on my erection, his own proudly jutting out. I chewed on my already abused lips, our eyes meeting in a battle of wills.

"If you don't tell me, I wouldn't know. Tell me"
So that is how it is going to be tonight? Him wanting me to beg him for this? To expose everything I feel for him? I turned my head away, my vision now fixed on the night lamp next to my bed. He removed his hand, the bed sheets rustled as he clambered up, hand now gripping my jaw, forcing me to look at him.

"So you will be silent?"

My silence frustrates him as much as my passiveness had earlier as his fingers tightened, me yelping at the pain before he removed his hands, my own rising to rub at the sore area.

"So you prefer that I just fuck you into the bed?"

The anger in his voice is much preferred than earlier. Less confusing. His hand returned to my erection, palming it roughly, his lips punishing on mine before he retracted, my legs jerked over his shoulders. He paused for a brief moment, his fingers tightened over my hips before slamming into me, drawing a muffled scream from me, pain radiating through me for that flash second before it resided to a dull throbbing. I was surprised that he didn't start thrusting into me but instead stilled, letting me adjust to him. He ran his thumb over my weeping slit, jolts of pleasure running through me, distracting me from the dull throbbing. He slowly removed himself; my eyes snapped open, looking at him bending to again take me in his mouth. This is wrong. Why is he doing this?

"Ruki?"
"Ssh.."