Nostalgia

Why didn't you?

Ruki x Kai

Ruki stared long and hard at them. It is like watching an accident, you know that it is wrong and it's grotesque to watch, but you can't help but keep looking at it, not able to draw your eyes away from it despite knowing it is so very wrong. Kai finally lifted his head, his cheeks flushed, his lips swollen, his eyes darkened. It was pure beauty, fallen beauty.

"You're early"

Ruki nodded, finally moving away from his stance at the door where he was frozen momentarily. Kai pulled away from Reita, the slender ankles untangling from behind Reita's back where they were locked together before, his posture elegant and almost regal despite the compromising situation both of them were in. They both stood up from the couch they were occupying earlier, Kai moving towards the window to probably get some fresh air while Reita followed close behind. The redhead pretended to be busy while from the corner of his eyes, he could see Reita placing a possessive hand on Kai's waist, whispering something to the drummer who nodded, eyes still looking out at the silent street below them.

"I'm going to get some smokes. Want to follow me?"

Ruki shook his head at the bassist's invitation, receiving an easy smile in return as Reita grabbed his sadly crumpled packet of cigarette from the low table, shuffling out of the door to the smoke room further down the hall. Silence reigned over the room, both of them not making the first move to talk. The humidity in the air brings warning of the impending rain. Kai guess that for once, the weather forecaster is correct. The whistling of the kettle broke the silence.

"Want something to drink?"

Kai turned to Ruki, his back leaning against the high window sill, shaking his head. Ruki flashed a nervous smile before continuing to make his cup of hot honey to soothe his throat, all the while aware of the eyes on him.

"Did earlier bothered you?"

Ruki cursed as he accidentally poured the water out of the cup, some of it landing on the hand holding the cup. More curses fell from his lips as he ran cold water over the burnt skin, letting the water do its trick. Kai returned with the cool lotion that he snagged from the first aid, hand reaching for Ruki's. The first touch made Ruki flinch, one that was not missed by the drummer who hesitated just a moment too long before resuming his initial action. Ruki watch Kai chew on his lower lip in concentration as he applied the lotion on the area, taking care to not press too hard in case he inflict more pain. Ruki could feel his heart beating a little bit faster and from the soft measured breaths Kai is taking, he know that he is not alone in this. Kai finally looked up at Ruki, the bandaged hand held between them almost forgotten.

Ruki know that it is wrong, he know that it's forbidden but he couldn't help himself, not when it comes to Kai. A hand reach to cup the strong jaw, tugging the other towards him, lips meet lips, first gently, and then it grew more aggressive as both tried to get control over it, teeth nipping the other's lips, tongues battling and exploring. It felt so wrong and yet so right. With much effort, he pulled away, resting his forehead on Kai's.

"Why did you ask me that, Kai?"
"Why aren't you answering me?"

Ruki looked away, taking a few steps back, the close proximity with Kai creating havoc within himself. Kai gave a disgusted sigh as he too returned to the window, again staring out stonily.

"You are with Reita"

The sentence hangs between them, more for Ruki to convince himself than anything. Kai stayed silent, unmoving.

"You are with him"
"Whose fault is that?"

Kai finally snapped, turning around to look Ruki, the vocalist surprised at the raw emotions apparent on the other's face, the slight break in the voice. He never wants to make the other cry, never want to reduce the other to this.

"Kai"
"Why?"

That one question threw him a loop as he stared at the brunette blankly; not really knowing what was the question about.

"Why didn't you fight for me?"
"I..."
"Why didn't you?"

Reita and Uruha took that opportunity to enter the room, the blonde meeting the guitarist as he was coming out of the smoke room. Kai turned around, again taking the opportunity to calm high emotions while the others started talking about the songs to practice. Ruki joined in the conversation half-heartedly, taking few peeks towards Kai who still stood there, distracted and wistful as he tuned the others out. Ruki knew that it was partially his own fault that it had come down to this. He had let Kai go too easily when he found out that Reita too likes their drummer. He had been the one to push Kai towards his best friend even though he knew that Kai shared the same feelings as him. He had been too afraid that he will not be able to live up to Kai's expectations. He was too scared of commitment and the emotions that he is experiencing for the first time.

Instead, he had let go. He had let go and it hurts. He wants Kai back.