Nostalgia

If

Kyo x Reita

Reita tapped his feet restlessly, willing for the meeting to be finally over. His fingers drummed a tune in rhythm to his feet's tapping, his eyes not really focusing on anything, words flowing in and out of his ear without him actually processing them. A hand closed over his restless fingers, drawing his eyes up to meet the clear brown eyes of his leader. A pointed look from the other received a bashful one from him in return before Kai removed his hand, paying attention to the few official looking men from their management on discussing their next tour.

Sometimes he wonders why are they even here since Kai will take care of everything for them. The minute that thought crossed his mind, he felt a tad bit guilty, turning slightly to take in the tired and stressed look on Kai's face as he nodded to something that their management had said. He also saw how Ruki shifted in his seat, a hand placed discreetly at the base of Kai's spine, the simple touch receiving a soft smile from Kai as he visibly relaxed some but still not enough. Reita forced himself to pay attention on what was being discussed. Perhaps it is time for all of them to help Kai out a little bit in these boring affairs.

It couldn't be soon enough when the meeting finally ended, with them shaking hands with their management as one by one started leaving the room. He checked for messages on his phone and saw none. Kyo must still be in his own meeting with his label for the upcoming USA tour with his band. Reita chewed on his lip at that thought. They will be apart for almost two months this time.

He jerked up in surprise at the fist suddenly flying towards his face. Uruha laughed at the surprised look on his face, ignoring the middle finger given to him so lovingly.

"As I said, let's all go to a club and unwind. Have some drinks and chill"

Reita had wanted to decline the offer, wanting to opt to go back to the apartment that he now share with Kyo to wait for the elder. But on second thought, taking in the expectant looks on his band members faces', he was reminded of how long it had been since they went out as a group, a fault caused by all of them one time or another. He nodded his head, receiving happy smiles from the rest, an impromptu hug from Uruha who started rambling on about where they should go. As he followed their lead, he left a message for Kyo, telling him that he would be late tonight and for Kyo to not wait up if Kyo reaches home first.

Home. That thought made Reita smile like an inane fool. But he likes it. He likes the idea of a home with Kyo. A soft pat on his arm drew his attention back to the ongoing conversation. They soon settled on a club nearby, a relatively nice club where tastefully selected couches and low tables are separated by plants which granted each little corner some privacy, a small dance floor for those who wants to dance to the mellow music playing through the speakers, the people each minding their own business, each absorbed by their own conversations and the drinks served. Reita gave a wide smile, taking in the environment, liking it immediately.

Soon, all of them were holding a glass of alcohol in their hands, toasting to them surviving this long in the music industry before they settled on menial conversation.

"Kyo?"

Reita's head shot up from his observation of the pink liquid in his glass, a decisively ugly color that he had decided earlier. He took in Kai's surprised face and the general direction where Kai was staring at. He turned around to see Kaoru, followed by the rest of Dir en grey, Kyo trailing behind, eyes absently staring at the phone held in his hand.

"No, Kai..."

But it was too late. Kai had already stood up, calling the vocalist who looked up in surprise at the calling of his name. Kaoru too paused, waiting for Kyo to catch up while the others gave them quizzical looks as they proceeded on to a room that the waiter was leading them to. Kyo saw Kai first and then took in the rest of Reita's curious band members and of course, the now increasingly nervous looking Reita.

Reita cursed at Kai, wondering how Kyo will react to this. So far, only Kai and Ruki had known of them. He haven't told Aoi nor Uruha. Both of them knew that he is currently involved in a relationship with someone, but who, they were still not aware yet. Reita too stood as the rest did, giving Kyo and Kaoru respectful nods, Kai smiling widely, unsuspecting of the underlying tension in every single line of Reita's body. Kaoru gave them all a warm smile if not a bit confused, still not knowing the connection between his vocalist and this other group that he had heard a lot about in the news but never really gotten a chance to know of.

"It is surprising to see you here"

Kyo gave a warm smile to Kai, his eyes settling on Reita.

"Kai?"

Kai turned to Uruha who look a little bit lost if not in awe in the presence of a band that he had idolized a long long time ago.

"How do you know them?"

The not so soft whisper made Kaoru grin to himself, deciding that this blonde guitarist is indeed cute looking and sounding like a lost pup.

"He is Reita's.."
"Friend!"

They all turned to Reita who turned red from his own outburst. Ruki frowned, Kai's mouth fell open, Kyo's eyes narrowed. Reita wasn't sure whether does Kyo want the rest to know, but it is better to play safe than sorry, isn't it? As he watched Kyo put on the indifferent mask that he had thankfully never seen worn towards him, his heart grew cold.

"Yes, we are friends. If you'll excuse me"

Kyo walked off, leaving Kaoru behind, giving Reita a thorough look, putting two and two together. He opened his mouth, wanting to say something but thought better of it. Saying his goodbye, he then look for his best friend whom he know is hurting right now.

"Friends?"

Reita slumped in his seat, shriveling under Ruki's sharp tone. Aoi and Uruha watched on, more confused than ever if anything.

"Friends?"

The echo by Kai sounded far more harsh, delivered in a deceptively soft voice. Reita massaged his temples, things had gone down hill fairly fast.

That night, Kyo didn't come home.

Reita started on another cigarette, ignoring that the ash tray in front of him had overfilled, staring hard at his mobile phone, willing for it to ring, for a message to come in, for anything. He haven't called Kyo, knowing that the other would not speak to him, not until the other wants to regardless how many times he call. The jangle of keys drew his attention. His eyes flew to the clock.

8.00AM

Muffled curses reached his ears as Kyo tripped over something. His blonde lover paused, seeing Reita curled up on the couch, staring at him wordlessly. Kyo's jaw tightened as he strode into the kitchen, getting a glass of water, the soon empty glass thrown into the sink carelessly. Reita turned away, fingers plucking at the material of the sweatpants that he wore, the silence overwhelming him. The couch dipped beside him as Kyo sat there, eyes taking in the amount of cigarette butts in the ash tray, a soft sigh leaving him as he knew that his younger lover must have stayed up all night.

"Are you ashamed of me?"

Reita's head whirled around, eyes wide, mouth fell open in surprise.

"No! Never! I would..."
"Then why?"

The beaten tone, the tired tone of Kyo's voice made Reita crumble down. Had he reduced Kyo to feeling like this? To feeling this insignificant? He felt a warm touch on his cheek, a thumb wiping away the tear that had rolled down without him being aware of it.

"Don't cry"
"I am never ashamed of you. I just didn't know whether you wanted the rest to know or not. If it was okay with you"
"Why wouldn't I want people to know that I am with this great guy? Someone who can calm me down with just a touch. Someone who can break me with just a word"

Reita stared at the sincere face in front of him, guilt riding him even more than ever with the implication of the last sentence. One would only have such power over another only if the other loves the first.. Kyo sighed yet again, his arms curling around Reita's waist, drawing the other into a tight embrace.

"Sorry, I am so sorry"

Kyo heard the soft repeated whispers by the other, knowing that it wasn't intentional. Perhaps it was just Kyo's own history. The many failed relationships that caused him to be wary of everyone, to build the many walls around him. The fact that these walls were torn down one by one by Reita, the fact that Reita had meant so much to him, perhaps that itself scares Kyo more than anything. And that was what made the night before so painful.

"I guess we are both stupid. We should have spoken on this first"

Reita pulled away, both of them having slightly red eyes before Kyo laughed out loud.

"See us, both less than manly shedding tears at something like this"
"Well, these are manly tears"
"Are there such a thing?"
"Yes"
"You are being ridiculous"

Reita lifted a hand, pushing back the lock of hair from Kyo's brow.

"Don't give up on me easily"

Reita looked into Kyo's eyes, long and deep, the vulnerable words from the older hanging in the air.

"I can't, you're too important to me"
"You're a sap"
"And I love you too"

That didn't warrant any reply since the answer is already too obvious for both of them. As Kyo lay back on the couch, Reita curled against him, asleep from the night's toil, Kyo guessed Kaoru was right in calling the situation for what it is. Kaoru had listened to him rant, listened to his insecurities, listened to his fears of the relationship with his bassist. Listened to it all and just said one sentence.

"If you do love him, you should trust him"

After that, Kyo then came home.