Messy without a Doubt

Again

"Sasuke" Naruto croaked his hands were shaking, his whole body it just felt numb. "Sasuke I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry!"

Sasuke continued to rub Narutos back as he cried in his chest, Sasuke wasn't sure what he was apologizing for. "You don't have to apologize" Sasuke whispered into Narutos ear.

Naruto shook his head back and forth and wiped stray pieces of his hair out of his face, "I do! Sasuke I hurt myself and you. But still you stayed. Why did you stay?" Naruto sobbed his eyes stung from the constant tears and wiping.

Sasuke frowned unsure of why Naruto always needs to be told how Sasuke feels, he is so insecure he never knows when Sasuke is being honest and that hurts. Sasuke doesn't know how to prove to him that he isn't lying, until he can he'll just hold him like this. "Of course I stayed, I love you."

Naruto held his breath trying to calm himself down trying to ignore the pain in his chest the pain of his grandmothers words. The words were haunting him, playing on repeat over and over and over again. But he was trying to push them away. He was trying to tell himself that it was because she was angry and worried, she loves him. He loves her, that's his grandma his family, his blood. They will get over this.

But until they do, Naruto will cry.

"I want to tell you how important you are to me" Naruto croaked. Naruto put his hand up to Sasukes cheek and soaked in all his warmth. "But I'm so gross, I ruined my body, I ruined my grandma, I hurt you. I hurt so many people" Naruto took a deep breath his voice was shaking but he couldn't help the tears. He was just feeling too much. "But I didn't care! I wanted to die, I wasn't thinking about you. I'm so screwed up. Sasuke" Naruto stared into Sasukes dark eyes, the moonlight was exceptionally bright tonight.

Sasuke stared at Naruto, Narutos eyes never shine like they used to. He isn't passionate about anything any more, he's struggling so much and Sasuke most days overlooks it. He doesn't want to get into it, but now that's he's seeing Naruto in front of him, crying, screaming, apologizing he can tell. The conversation needs to be held. This is Naruto's cry for help.

"I want to die" Naruto cried, he put his head into Sasuke stomach and held onto him tighter and tighter almost scared that Sasuke will think Naruto is too much handle and he'll disappear forever.

Naruto has a constant fear that one day the person who helps him the most will realize that he doesn't need to help Naruto. That he can leave him whenever he wants, he can stop holding him, he can realize that this is too much for a teenager to handle. It's not fair for Sasuke and Naruto knows that, he hates himself for it, this isn't a life Sasuke needs to save because it's not his job.

Because Sasuke deserves everything that Naruto can't give and one day he will realize it.

Sasuke doesn't need this added pressure, its not his responsibility to keep Naruto alive, and Naruto hates himself for practically guilting  Sasuke into this. Is Sasuke too scared to leave because if he does, will Naruto end his life? Will Naruto hurt himself? What would Sasuke do if Naruto died?

But will Sasuke realize it too? Or will he stay by him.

Now it's just a matter of when Sasuke will see that Naruto's happiness isn't his responsibility. It's time for Naruto to step up and reach for what he wants.

Sasukes tears fell from his eyes the sound of Narutos voice, a cry for help, this is the part that hurt the most. Having someone look you in the eyes and tell you that they don't want to live. Its a feeling that stops your heart, your blood turns cold and you can't help but feel like you've been possessed by a cold spirit as the air gets knocked out of you.

And now you get to decide, will you ignore the cry for help or will you address it?

"Naruto, you need help" Sasuke whispered running his fingers through Narutos hair as he tried to think of next thing to say.

Naruto nodded his head, "I stopped taking my medication last month" Naruto confessed his voice as light and dead as a feather. This was his anxiety, anti depressants this was important. Medication is like a bandage and Naruto was tired of feeling like the only way he could be happy was with the medication. It just seemed so fake, but it wasn't and he wishes he never stopped.

Sasuke shook his head and ran his head threw his own hair, he's going to have to talk to Tsunade and she isn't going to like it. But this is the only way and Naruto needs this.

"Why?" Sasuke softly asked.

Naruto sniffed "I thought I didn't need it and then I just, didn't want to take it"

Sasuke moved Naruto closer to him and wrapped his arms around Narutos body, "We need to talk to your grandmother"

Naruto stiffened and shook his head, "No! We just had a fight she doesn't need to know. I'll start my medication again I'll get back, Sasuke. She doesn't need to know."

Sasuke let go of Naruto and back away, he held out his hand and waited for Naruto to take it. After a moment of wiping his tears, his eyes and thinking he grabbed Sasukes hand and squeezed it.

"Lets go" Sasuke held Narutos hand and squeezed it every now and again, he walked closer to him then he usually would and stared at the blonde while he was deep into thought.

Occasionally when they passed a street light Sasuke could see the wet tear stains on Narutos face but reluctantly he stared at his eyes, his birthmarks. Sasuke couldn't help but look at him, he loves him. It's new its fresh its present and he can't wait for Naruto to get the help he needs.