Messy without a Doubt

My Mom....

Sasuke stared ahead as they pulled into the hospital his face was blank but his mind was roaring.

His heart was torn absolutely torn apart there was nothing that could fix that because his mother was gone. He wanted to talk to her, he wanted to see her, and look her in her pure black eyes and just hear her words.

Just listen as she speaks as the words take no time to form in her head just let them slide out of her and into the world where he can grasp them and take them in and learn.

You never think about anything until you don't have it. He never thought about the way her hair sits on her head but it parted to the left just slightly. He never thought about the way her eyes sparkle when she would cook something she knew he would love. She knew her kids would love.

The good times were always before Itachi died but there were so many ones after. Ones that get put in the back of his mind because he's growing and they don't mean as much.

It's a weird thing we must learn as we progress in life because life doesn't stop. We never stop.

Sasuke walked the same pace as Obito it was only a few weeks he's lived with him but already he's got so many fond memories and stories.

With his mother it was never funny stories it was never a good or bad memory it was just a memory. It didn't hurt to go back and look at them it didn't hurt to think about them they were there and he wanted them there. He wanted his mom there, he wanted her here even if he never saw her again.

They approached the door slowly being sure to take everything in and not miss a single thing. The mind was taking in everything the smell, the color, the paint chips and the floor.

Sasuke stayed silent as Obito talked to a doctor her hair was red and her eyes were blue the kind of blue that reminded him of Naruto. The sky blue, the baby blue and then a tad of dark blue in the center. He missed him.

"The transportation will be..." Sasuke tuned out the rest only listening to the words in his head only listening to his heart beat and breathing. All the things he could do that his mother couldn't.

He wanted to see his father. He wanted to say everything he could to him tell him how he killed his mom the person he was suppose to love. Will he ever get like that? Will he ever become his father?

Too many risks. This was the day Sasuke vowed he would never have kids. He would never become his father.

"Sasuke, are you okay? Do you want to see her?" Obito asked he out his hand on Sasukes shoulder and watched as a tear fell from his eye.

Sasuke didn't know. "I... do" he said he turned to the nurse who he didn't notice and walked behind her as he lead her to the place his mother was.

"I'm sorry for you loss" the nurse said her voice was very sincere she meant it. Perhaps she lost someone recently and knows how much it can hurt.

Sasuke didn't respond what do you say? Saying thank you seems so wrong. Every word seems so wrong.

"What was she like?" The nurse asked her eyes never leaving the hall they were walking down she never looked at him.

"My mom... she was indescribable."
Sasuke paused trying to get all of his words in order. He didn't want to over speak he didn't want to say the wrong thing. What was she expecting him to say?

"She was sweet, strong, beautiful. She was my mother and she went through a bad chapter. That doesn't mean she was a bad mother, just lost. I guess she'll forever be lost"

Sasuke was talking saying all of these things but they weren't for her. They were words to relax him to tell him the truth to let him live his mother's truth and ease his mind. His mother was not awful she was not hate. She was love and happiness.

He will not go down this path. The path of heartache and pain. He will grieve for however long it take with whoever he needs. He will not bury himself in happy memories and fake words. He can't.

Sasuke walked in the door the nurse held open his mother was laying in the hospital bed. Her eyes were shut her body was pale her hair was messy.

The nurse shut the door and Sasuke walked over to his mother he took her hand in his and stared at her lifeless body. Not once did he imagine this ever happening.

He thought he would go to college his mother would be there to help she would be there to stay at home and talk on the phone if needed. He thought she would come around and be proud and open to his decisions. Now he will never know if she died hating him. He can only assume she didn't.

He can only assume and that's what's going to keep him going. She saved him from a hell unleashed by his father. She knew what she was doing she protected him.

He is grateful for his mother.

Sasuke tried to fix her hair the best he could. He tried to move her hair to the left a bit and lift the blankets to cover her completely she was so cold.

He sat there for seconds. Minutes. Hours. Until he heard the door open and Obito came in with a nurse.

"You've been in here for 3 hours Sasuke, are you alright? We have to go."

"It's not enough."

Obito looked at the nurse she was also confused "what's not enough?"

"The time. I just want more time. I just want her to look like her. I just want her to be warm and smile at me. I just want her. I want more time." Sasuke cried the tears falling from his eyes like a waterfall no one could've expected it and no one has ever seen him cry like this. No one.

Obito hugged Sasuke and sat in a chair next to him. He thanked the nurse and looked at his older sister. They would have a little more time.

Sasuke would have a little more time.