Messy without a Doubt

Hello

Naruto and Sasuke walked down the street passing the lights, looking at the stars in the night sky. They seemed to shine brighter tonight. Sasuke held Narutos hand the whole time, squeezing it occasionally to let him know that he's here and always will be.

Naruto liked that, Sasuke always seemed to be there for him no matter what he always knew what to say, he always knew how to hold him. It's like they were made for each other.

When the house started to come into view Narutos grip on Sasukes hand tightened. He was nervous, he was scared. He wanted his grandmother to know, but he didn't at the same time. It's hard and Naruto knows that she wants him to come to her and talk but it just seems like the wrong thing to do.

It's not, but why does it feel like the need to ask for help will just blow up in his face at the end of the day. Like him asking for this kind of help is all just for nothing.

Whats she going to say? How will she say it? Will she apologize for what she said?  Did she mean what she said?

It would be better if Naruto wasn't there. No. It would be better if he wasn't who he was, it would be better if he was some one who didn't have these feelings. Someone who stayed in check, someone who got good grades and studied hard, someone that wasn't gay, someone that didn't have a boyfriend with homophobic parents. Someone he can't be.

Naruto can't take back the things that he did, he can't change who he is now.

Naruto carefully opened the door and breathed in the air, it felt gloomy and tight, it was strangling him. He couldn't be in this house, not until his grandmother apologizes.

"Sasuke, I don't want to be here" Naruto pulled on Sasukes arm but he wouldn't move, he was stronger than Naruto.

Sasuke looked down at him and smiled, "Don't worry, lets just go talk to her"

Naruto frowned, "You don't understand we just had a big fight and I'm sure she is still mad at me, and I'm mad at her"

Sasuke knew all too well what it was like to fight with his parents, it sucks and it never gets old. It just keeps going on and on.

"Well then you need to sit down and talk to her" Sasuke muttered walking into the kitchen Naruto trailing behind him. Sasuke may not have a good relationship with his parents but that doesn't mean everyone else has to, he wants Naruto to get along with his grandmother. He likes Tsunade and he knows how much Naruto needs her, he'll help Naruto no matter what.

Naruto sighed but didn't object this could turn out very bad or very good and Naruto isn't counting on it going good.

Tsunade is a very stubborn person, she may not have meant what she said, maybe she did. Doesn't matter she isn't going to apologize until Naruto accepts and tells her that he shouldn't have tried to kill himself and right now. He can't.

Because underneath everything. Progress, understanding, support none of that matters.

Because he wants to do it again.

And it's scary to think that, it's scary to think that, to want that again after what you did. It's shameful. But that doesn't matter because that feeling of lonely and pain covers all the shame.

Now he just has to fight for himself.

"Hello" Sasuke said, his eyes showing no remorse he only ever showed emotion with a few people. Tsunade is not someone who deserves his remorse.

Naruto looked at the ground when his grandmother looked at him, she had smears of black makeup on her cheeks and under eyes. Her eyes were red and her hair was a mess. It was clear she had been crying, she has been beating herself up over this fight she had with her grandson.

Tsuande stood up and tried to wipe away the makeup and tears, it just made it look worse. "Naruto" she whispered her voice was shallow and cracking. "I'm sorry" she cried.

Naruto slowly lifted his head and nodded, he didn't know what to do. Should he forgive her? Yes but can he? I mean looking back on it now, Naruto was almost baiting her. He was telling her to say it, he wanted to hear it. But he really didn't, he didn't know what to expect.

"I-I don't know where it came from, I would never say that Naruto I didn't mean it. I love you. I need you." She slowly walked over to Naruto unsure if he would even forgive her.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry" she cried over and over again.

Naruto let the tears fall he held out his arms and hugged his grandmother. It has been awhile since they talked, a while since Naruto has done anything with his grandmother. They used to have small nights where they would watch TV and eat. But now she is never home.

He never knew how much he liked those small nights, he never realized how much he actually liked the food that she made. Even if sometimes he had to pick onions out of it.

"I'm sorry" he wept. He let his grandmother hug him a feeling of warmth and joy spread through him. After losing his mother he never had another person like a mother he never had someone he could talk to. He had his grandmother but he was too scared, they were never close not like a mother and son because he is not her mother.

But then he met Sasuke and he could talk again, he found Sai and he remembered the childhood and he remembered how caring Sais mother is meeting her again and seeing how much she's changed. Naruto realized what he did, but also what his grandmother did. They pushed each other away. Or maybe it was him, maybe he closed that part of him off because no one could ever replace his mom.

Now he will welcome in his family, his friends old and new he'll start. He'll try and the first step, getting the help he actually wants because now he wants to be better.

"I'm sorry" he whispered and pulled away. The two looked at each other and Tsunade sat in her seat at the kitchen table.

Sasuke couldn't help but feel like he was intruding on something, perhaps he should leave.

Sasuke looked at Naruto one more time he smiled softly at the blonde, he loved Naruto he truly did. He's never felt a emotion so strong he's never felt a pull towards anyone not until Naruto walked into his life. He can't even remember their first conversation he can only remember the blue eyes that were more than likely glaring at him.

Sasuke slowly turned around and started out towards the living room, "Wait! Sasuke" Naruto got up and caught him by the hand. "I want, well. Will you stay?" Naruto asked.

Sasuke wanted to squeeze the blonde and kiss him so hard Naruto was adorable. Sasuke nodded his head.

Naruto smiled and dragged Sasuke back into the kitchen and sat down he never let go of his hand and Sasuke didn't mind.